Comfort food...

I know those expertise will give a long list of comfort food,

However, I guess, not all comfort food works for all type of people…

As for me,

At this stage,

Really, there're 3 types of food/dishes, when I eat, I feel good…

Happy, good, "shiawase"…

First, my lately new found super comfort food, ie. oat with honey, using water of room temperature, (as opposed to the conventional way of hot-cooked, or, boiling water used…)

Damn good, damn happy drinking it… my breakfast, my supper, and for my son too…

Second,

Damn! I damn love my own stir-fried  bittergourd with egg… yes, "ichiban"!

Third,

Again, my own cooking, cabbage with anchovies, soupy… I add a little bit of oyster sauce sometimes, but I guess, it's good without the oyster sauce…

I love the cabbage, I don't really finish all the anchovies, but then, I love the soup… comforting…

My comfort food list, at the moment…

Born-Job

I'm not sure if I've mentioned/written about this before,

As in some of the japanese drama, for eg. Gokusen, it mentioned about  "born-job" for a person, ie. kumiko is born, to be a teacher…

Ie. everybody's a born-job…

Something like, your destiny… or some sort…

And I've been thinking about myself…

For sure, I'm not a born-mother…

Maybe half of the women out there, or more, are not…

Professinally speaking, nobody is, a born-parent, but you know, there're just some people, they're good with kids, and they're kinder to them…

For sure, I'm not…

Anyway,

I've been thinking, if I've chance, or if I really pursue one,

Or if I'm still alone, who will I be…

And again, for sure,

If  nobody loves me, I can sure pass as an otaku, female version,

Ie. online whole day, buy things online, probably buy food online too, then, I can't be bothered to dress up… bla bla bla… for sure, that's no. 1 possibility…

No. 2?

As for my strength, which I still love/enjoy doing till this day,

I shall be an event organizer, I love organizing events…

That's why, I'm still mainly the one who organize for gathering and so on… of course, there up and down, when I don't feel like doing anything, or I just feel that, getting people to attend a dinner, or a party, just sucks…

No. 3?

I think I can be a great reporter, if I've no liability, except my own life…

I've always regard the job of a reporter, is somehow dangerous…

To a certain extent,

Though, I'll be the type who will go all out, to report the real truth,

That's the problem, some people may hire somebody to just shut me off…!!! Scary, right??

I thought of that before…

Cos, I still thrill on the work of digging into people's background, or scouting around for information…

No.4?

Teacher? Nope, not my born-job, I've tried teaching before,

Hated it! Fullstop!

No.5?

Haha, the last thing you'll think of…

Private investigator…

Especially I like juicy story,

Ok, it kinda jives with no.2,

And after watching japanese drama, LUCKY7, wow!! How I wish, there's such decent PI firm that I can work in… and of course, if there's such cute PI like Jun who I can see everyday in my work place, hm…

Anyway, yep…

I thought, becoming a PI is interesting,

But again, it's kinda dangerous,

Though I think, those PI for extra marrital affair cases, though you may think sucks, I think it can be interesting too, and if I get hold of those rich "tai tai" to check on their husband, the pay shall be very handsome, right??

So, I thought it's good money… and interesting job…

Anyway, dangerous is that, what if, the husband in return, want to shut me off too??

Yew!!!!!!!!

That's why….

I'm in my no-born-job today,

Ie. a housewife!!!

Who's some imaginary "problem", ie. sometimes, I behave like an organizer, sometimes, a PI… ^_^ ok, that's a nice way to put it…

Organizer, like I said, I still "initiate" some gathering dinner/lunch among friends…

PI, that's just to dramatize, nope… simply just digging out some info/compiling some info online, if my husband needs it…

And lastly,

At least something I like to do, and most of the time, I do get the "budget approved" easily,

Ie. tech admin in my household, haha!!!!!!!

Bravo!

my fault...

I'm not sure if this will backfire eventually, or, it'll have a long term "damage",

however, I'm actually more relaxed, by thinking as such...

see...

if the 2 of them are not behaving as per my expectation,

I know, and I finally acknowledge that, it's my own fault...

and that, actually make me feel better, and more relaxed... with them...

for eg. last night, when baby vomitted... yes, I'm pretty frustrated with the cleaning up part, especially I've to handle the small one, plus all the cleaning, by myself, it just had to happen when he's away...

but then, yes, it just had to happen when he's away, at night, week night,

I used to think like that, and that I got frustrated, and agitated and angry,

now, I know, it's my fault... so, I'm pretty laidback...

thus relaxed...

cos, really, it's my fault...

I bought too many doughnuts for her, and I let her eat when she's tired...

I frequently forget that, whenever she's tired, she won't be eating properly, and all difficult-to-digest type of food should be avoided,

first time being McD,

then, swissroll,

then, last night, doughnut!

and tonight...

my son, the naughty boy! he couldn't sleep...

my fault, you know why?

I was trying trying trying my best to contain him, to be awake, till bedtime, ie. 9pm...

however, after dinner, straight after dinner, he's too tired, and he asked for my booby, and shortly, he fell asleep...

for around half an hour...

I tried to wake him up,

that time, baby was watching her shows on TV,

around ten to 9, he got up...

and of course, you can't expect him to sleep immediately right?

so, just now, he fell asleep at around 2330...

~_~ yep, that's when I sneaked out here, and surfing online... kekekekekeke...

while I looked at him crawling around in bed,

in fact he's tired,
just that... again, my kids, bad in sleep training, cos, I myself am not a good example, since N years ago...

he's tired, and he's sooooooooooooooooo touchy!!!!

even if he rest his hands on my body, and even if I move his hands away, gently, he could burst out with loud cry...

luckily!! luckily!!!! baby was soooooooooooooo tired too, that she fell asleep without being disturbed by his constant crying...

it's like that, the cry's not continuous, just... frequent,

1 move he cried,

move right, he cried, lied down he cried, move left he cried, lied down, somehow knocked his head on the bedrail, he cried,

he crawled away, I pulled his leg, he cried, he tried to stand up, ON THE BED, I made sure he sits down, he cried!!!

see~~~~~~

but with all these events...

baby could sleep soundly...

I know it's kinda tiring for her to skip her nap, but then, it's to both our favour...

so... I'm kinda pleased with this new schedule...

especially at night,

she sure sleeps soundly... ^_^

ok... done with my writing now... the washing machine's still spinning... anyway, due to the "volcanic eruption" just now, and some late night exercise (change bedsheet) I'm quite awake at the moment... guess, I shall just down some DOM... ^_^

Compassionate... is what I gotta learn, and what I need most... as a mother... ≧﹏≦

I have toys!

I don't know since when,

And I don't know who says it…

Since quite a while, we, ie. adults, or, ie. parents, have not really bought any TOY for ourselves… ^_^

Right?

Maybe you've, but we (ie. my husband and I) have not…

Cos, we somehow have the idea that, we, ie. adults, shall not have toys…

Toys, as in, those that you can get from toys r us…

Anyway,

We do have toys, but I don't know since when,

Those toys that we have, have turned into IT gadgets, and so on…

And therefore, the other day, I decided to get myself a set of this,

Lego duplo's cake set…

Ya, cos, baby didn't ask for it,

She's a very nice and kind kid, she rarely request for anything,

Though, if you ask,

She'll say things like, she'd like to go to certain shopping malls, or she'd like to have cupcakes, doughnuts and so on… but then, she rarely requests or gets us to buy anything, any toy for her,

Mm… or, I'd rather say, as kids, you give her any toy, she'll never say "no", ^_^

Anyway,

I really like that set of duplo very much,

And I want to have it,

(jus tlike, I like those plantoy wooden sets, and I bought her 2 sets…)

But then, I suddenly thought that, I shall not put that under her account,

Cos, she didn't ask for it,

And I'm the one who wanted it, right?

Though, I don't really play with this sort of toys anymore…

However, I still want to own one…

So, I told him, I just want to own one, "who says adult shall not buy any more such type of toy?"

In a way,

I wanted to try out,

If those toys are mine, will she learn to appreciate more?

As kids… you know I know, though they love toys,

But then, they love other people's toys, THE MOST!

Right???

Again,

I've to say,

My baby's a very sweet girl,

Though, that set's already in our household,

And though she loves playing cooking/food toys,

She… rarely pester me to let her play,

Sometimes, I feel like taking a look at the set,

I'll tell her, why not we take it out and build/make some cakes…

And that, she'll be very happy…

Whenver it's near the end of the day, I'll pack it up with her,

Though she still try to prolong the playing time,

But most of the time, she'll end up having it packed and put back to the shelf nicely…

^_^

That's my girl,

And yes, that's the set of duplo cakes…

headache...

Damn! I was having this huge headache last night,

That I couldn't sleep,

It's at the back of my head, I think it's migrainne, well… somebody told me, it's migrainne…

I didn't think I've, though my brother has it, I remember him suffering from him when he's young, and cried so hard… poor thing…

Anyway, whatever it is,

The pain is killing me,

That I couldn't fall asleep, though, I was sooooooooooo tired, serious…!

I was very tired,

The last weekend, was a very very eventful weekend, for our family,

We get baby to her enhancement class… for the first time, yes, mother, ie. me, need to sit in with her,

Then, we went out for dinner, window shopping and so on…

The next day, we went for haircut, both he and I,

And then, we went to park, then, we went for another new community mall for "sight-seeing" again…

Wow!!! Tiring…

Though, I didn't think I was tired there and then!

And after winding down at night, ie. after bathing both of them, showering myself,

Have a cup of milo!! That's it,

I wanted to sleep immediately but then, I've not hooked online for 2.5 days, so, I anyhow went online, ended up searching for some torrent!

Then, seriously, I ended up staying online till 2 something after midnight!! @_@

I went to bed,

And I started to feel the pain,

The headache actually started when I was online,

However, I was busy, so, I could cope with it,

Then, when I'm in bed, gosh!!! Painful!!!!

To the extent, I don't feel like breathing,

As I told baby this morning,

I don't feel like breathing, cos, every breath I took, the pain comes together,

Only when I'm exhaling and stretching, then, I could feel the relief…

It's sooooooooooo difficult for me to sleep, as much as I want to sleep,

Till morning, he got up for his work,

I opened my eyes and tell him, "I'm having a severe headache!, I couldn't sleep…"

But luckily, I managed to get some sleep before the part-time helper come to clean the house… (yes, I've gotta let her in!)

And I was telling myself, that,

Hm… I think, the contraction pain during labour, is even a more manageable one!

Or… perhaps, I should have taken in my ipod and listen to radiohead!!!!

Well, as of now,

I still have mild headache,

And yes, I hope, tonight I can sleep well...

Confinement! Confinement! Confinement!!!!!!!!!!! (Damn you!!) OK! it's not too bad this time, frankly...

first of all...

I've to thank my husband, he's done a great great job!!

no no!! I'm not done with my confinement yet, haha! just 1 week... arrgh... 3 more weeks to go, though, by the end of next week, I think I can just go out for a big gigantic sashimi buffet... ^_^ (slurp!)

anyway,

yes, most of the people were "stunted", when I told them, I'm going to do without a confinement lady...

based on my past experience, I just hate the existence of one, one extra person at home...

NOW! I CAN HAPPILY BARE MY BOOBS (COS, I'M BREASTFEEDING) AND SLEEP LIKE A STARFISH IN MY LIVING ROOM, OR PRACTICALLY ANYWHERE IN MY HOUSE...

my husband's done a great job in taking over the work, looking after my dear baby daughter, (oops, again, she's a toddler now, but still my forever baby! dearest one!) for eg. Shower her, prepare lunch/dinner for her, read bedstime storybooks for her, make milk for her...

yes, he's done a great job...

and I've my confinement food catered from this SN Confinement Ladies Service, I've to say, so far, the expectation is just about right... they handle it pretty well... and I'm happy... (cos, I'm definitely not too happy with my previous confinement lady... getting her to stay-in, I've to entertain her, listen to her yakking non-stop... see!! I like quiet place, I like quiet environment, and what more to say, during my confinement... when I really need rest... I mean, I don't have to rest ALL DAY, but then, I like the freedom to rest whenever I can, and wherever I want, you get it?? having another person, or another 2 persons in my house, will just take all these luxury away...)

though, I do have to help with some minimal housework, for eg. Launderette, since I've recovered pretty well, can move around... (in a way, to make my wound heal faster, I gotta move more, rather than being bedridden!) I've offered to take over the job, but in order to make me easier (ie. Minimize bending, lifting...) I use a stool, bla bla bla bla bla...

see!! like I told my husband, I'm not pushing myself to the limit... and I'm just working myself within the limit, picking the right tools, to ease my job...

the thing is,

I like doing vacuuming... haha! With my new ergorapido SPECIAL!

And I like doing my launderette... ya, a little bit sick, I know... but then, seriousyly, it's pretty joyful for me... haha!

And I don't want another person, to come and keep reminding me that, I shouldn't do this and that...

see! My last confinment,

I've to kinda beg, or threaten my confinement lady to prepare the herbal bath for me...

and sometimes, I just have to close the door, and take my own shower, without listening to her “opinion”...

now?? haha! I take shower BY DEFAULT!

Especially these few days, weather here sucks...

the thing is...

my husband still hasn't given up...

he's still trying to tell me, not to shower, not to do this and that...

I give him one condition,

“if today, I'm staying in beijing, or I'm staying in somewhere northern china! I'll listen to you!!”

haha!! I should have done this long time ago...

yes! Come on!! todayy, at present day,

our generation's staying down south, near the equator... you know how damn hot it is??

there are time, I just wish I'm not a chinese, or I don't marry a chinese... maybe things will be easier for me...

but then, I'm not saying that, I hate whatever or I dislike whatever I have, or whoever I am now...

yes, there're time like this...

however~ no matter what, I've to say, I enjoy this confinement more than the previous time...

my newborn??

err... I don't know why people keep thinking that, the so-called confinement lady HAS TO look after the newborn,

in actual fact, newborn is very easy to take care of,

what more to say, I'm a nursing mom...

half of the time, I'm carrying him to nurse,

half of the time, he's sleeping...

another bit of the time, he's awake, I change his diaper, or I bathe him,

that's all?

Why do I need a confinement lady there????

and what more to say,

my opinion is...

confinement ladies out there,

they're different practices,

all from their experiences...

some are not too right, some are not too wrong, but there's no such handbook, or guidebook, or “bible” for them to strictly follow...

some can cook, some cook bad food,

some don't use the ingredient fully, some waste the ingredients you provide to them...

like I said, there's no standardization...

and yet, we simply get one, depends on our luck,

and some!!! I mean, some confined mother out there, just listen to them blindly...

as if that's the only bible in the confinment world...

somehow, I think, it's pretty sad...

so, if the confinement lady's wrong, then, it's just wrong...

so, if the confinement lady tell you that, for 30 days strictly you should not get into contact with any cold water...

then, probably, you don't have to wash your hands often...

seriously!!!

after I've stayed in hospital for 5D4N, fully airconditioned hospital ward...

I took my first inaugural shower at home,

I still feel that, the layer of dirt on me's pretty thick...

yes, you may find it gross, but I'm telling you so, cos, it's reality!!!

reality is...

you sleep in your room, with your kid (some don't, then, maybe it's ok) and with your husband, or maybe you're alone,

and you're sleeping with layers of dust and dirt on you... I find it yuck!

Then, the second day, I take my second shower... (in such damn hot weather!)

let me tell you,

I still feel that, the layer of dust/dirt's endless!!!!!!

and you may think that, why should I make my husband help with the confinement period...

why not?

And why would any husband reject that???

when you've your enjoyment in impregnated your wife...

is that it??

you leave everything to your wife,

or your parents, or a so-called confinement lady? Or a maid???????

that's the ONLY thing you guys(men) are capable of doing???

even though my husband's not a domestic god(dess) but then, I'm glad that, he's left home for study before...

and that, he at least, know how to cook, how to do the houseworks and bla bla bla...

let me tell you, I hate those chinese “siu yeh chai”, exactly as what I've described...

LEAVE EVERYTHING TO OTHERS!

And think bloody highly of themselves!

You see!!

I wanted to write this post...

each time, when I'm lazing around, lying like a starfish in the living room, in the couch...

yes, damn syok!

And I don't have to entertain/listen to nonsense... or non-stop noise pollution!

And I can pop-up my boobs anytime I want, when I need to nurse...

isn't that great??

AND NOW? my second baby is here, another, yet new experience for me!

Oh ya… I've just delivered my second one, a boy…

Yet, another new experience, seriously…

Though it's just another cesarean… but then,

Signs of labour??

Ya!! Tell me about it, I've gone through it all…

Well, you may ask me since then, why didn't I just deliver the baby the natural way…

No!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well,

Signs of labour 1: Contraction,

Ya… I've it since 2 nights ago, before the actual delivery date…

At first, I thought it's false alarm, and not being prepared emotionally to leave my husband and daughter behind, I didn't want to check myself into the hospital and just wait…

In addition to that, I WAS still thinking of the opportunity to deliver my boy the next calendar year… gosh!! It's just a few days away…

For that 2 nights, I was monitoring my pain,

It felt like period pain, ya… I'm one of those hormon victims, who'd period pain since I was a teenager… very painful type of cramp…

How do I manage?

Ya… let me tell you, you listen to Radiohead's new album "the king of limbs"… damn trance man!! Haha!

Finally… the third day itself, I told my husband, that it's better for me to be admitted to the hospital, seems like the pain won't go away, and,

The funny thing is…

My "water" also has broken… just that, it's unlike what others have described "a gush of water"… it's just some slurry and translucent material…

Ya, the first thing that came, is actually not the contraction,

But the "bloody show"… see!!! All signs, I've been through, in a way, I’m "experienced" haha!

Yes, "bloody show" started like almost 1 week ago… or at least 5 days…

So, I checked into the hospital, and the nurse/midwife told me, my cervix in fact has dilated 3cm… arrgh…

If I wait longer, maybe I'll be able to deliver naturally…

And seems I could withstand the contraction for 2 nights,

Why not???

Now, I’m not patient,

Each time, including oldtime, when I had my period pain,

I've always asked THE AIR, when's going to stop??

WHEN WHEN WHEN???????

No, I'm not patient enough to deal with the pain, given that, MAYBE my pain tolerance level's pretty high… but no, I don't wanna deal with it anymore…

Let me tell you,

I was soooooooooooooo scared of the epidural/spinal block jab indeed…

Though I've experienced once, but I was still terrified, however!!

That day,

Maybe because of the pain,

Everything was like, went through so fast, like a flash light…

The epidural… I was soooooooooooo glad when I felt its effect on my lower part of my body…

No more pain!

No more pain!!!

Then, doctor works his way to get baby out,

Then, placenta…

Everything else, doesn't matter to me anymore…

I just wanna sleep…

Because of the pain… gosh!!

I was in the hospital, 5 days 4 nights, (fri-tue)

At first, I was so ambitious to even tell my husband to bring my notebook to the hospital, when I got up I wanna use it…

But then, I forgot that, due to the wound,

I couldn't even sit up properly, it'll be a struggle to me,

There, I didn't even bother to watch TV or anything,

And I guess, I need to really rest to recover fast enough to go home…

I miss my daughter… my baby… I mean, my daughter's always a baby, that's what I told her,

Her brother? My newborn?? We'll just refer him by his name…

Baby = Her, my daughter… I missed her so much…

I missed hugging her to sleep, smelling her and so on…

Anyway,

After a long of rest and lengthy sleep, though the first 2.5 days, I was still dealing with the pain,

The pain from the wound,

The pain from the contraction (yet, not ended, right?) of the uterus… (luckily, I prefer breastfeed, that's always the best thing to solve ANYTHING!)…

And the pain from the drip, and so on… (gosh! My hand's still swollen man!)

THEN!!

LAST BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY…

The pain on my back and bottom, ie. my buttock, due to being bedridden on the super hard hospital bed…

It's good quality bed, I mean, in the hospital, clean sheet, and leather mattress… but you know, it's simply too hard for sleeping pleasure…

It's just bloody painful, let me tell you,

Till the day I checked out,

I guess, my wound was doing fine, my uterus was doing fine,

It's just my buttock and my back… gosh!!

It's so painful to the extent that, I called it NUMB!

I came back,

Put some plaster (tokuhon, salonpas) on…

And it healed quite a bit… and I sat on my own bed!

Oh! Heaven!

Ya… I brought the neck pillow, but I forgot about these plaster… damn!!!

Yes, the neck pillow's another life saver…

The first night, I slept on the hospital pillow,

Somehow, hard, and unbreathable, leather… what do you expect???

Then, I realized, hey! I've my own u-shaped little pillow, why not??

That's why, the first/second night, I didn't have much quality sleep, till the nurse who came in to check on me, even asked me if I could sleep…

I told her, no, just can't sleep…

Then, I switched to my little u-shaped pillow…

Then… though, the back/buttock damn painful…

I was still able to have good quality sleep…

Gosh!!

Yes, I thought I've been through everything during my first childbirth…

But then again,

This time, another new experience added into my "being a woman; being a mother" resume!

TV... no... it's not for everybody, not all the time..

TV?  Yes, I love watching TV… watching shows... But then, it's not for me all the time…

Sometimes, you can just stare and the TV… even though, for 1 hour, 2 hours, you don't follow the storyline…

Anyway, as for me,

I've one problem, I can't just watch anything at any time, any "section" of the programme…

I must watch from the beginning… then, I'll be able to get where it's heading towards… in and out…

I can't just suddenly sit in when it's in the middle of the show, and still yet enjoy the show..

No!!!

See, when I was in the hospital,

I didn't on the TV most of the time,

Cos, I know what's showing, but then, I just can't enjoy the show…

The ONLY thing I actually watched, was just Criminal Minds…

Most of the time I was on my ipod or phone,

To sms, or check on facebook/twitter/google+!!

Oh ya!!! THAT active…

Haha! Ya… I'd rather be on these social networks… than watching TV…

Hehehe...

We're stronger than we think... we are~~

yep... we're stronger than we think we are...

I like to tell this to friends who needs encouragement, and help... and maybe a bit of advice... (though, sorry, I do tend to give lengthy advice... I'll cut it next time, ok?? ^_^)

see... just last friday, I went into the operation theatre, for my cesarean, well, for my second baby, a baby boy...

(I'll have another entry about my pre-cesarean experience, cos, that's another lengthy one I'll make... kakaka!)

but then, today, approaching another friday (scary, time really flies, so fast, 1 week!)... oh, ya, I went into the OT in the evening, but now, it's early friday, ok, maybe just 6 days...

I thought I've recovered pretty well...

but of course, if you ask me, I'll say, it's the power of prayer, maybe the power of love...

I've been praying for speedy recovery, and smooth operation, yes, it all went well... the operation, the recovery...

and there I prayed, because of the love of my family, my daughter, my husband, I can't afford to be bedridden for a long period right?? and I need to take care of the newborn, take care of my precious baby madeleine (ok, she's a toddler now, but like I've told her, she's THE baby!!) and also, resume our daily activities, as a housewife, as a stay-at-home mother, to take care of my husband, take care of the household... and of course, there's also, love from God...

yes, everything went well...

as of today,

despite the swollen feet that I'm having,

hm!! in fact, I did not have, all because last night, I chose to sleep on the sofa, sitting position, and I laid my legs downwards... for long period...

and that, I guess, all the water went down? @_@

and today, I'll move back to our bedroom, one whole family cramped together (how sweet!) and Gabriel back to his crib...

I write this, it's because I myself is pretty surprised on how well our own body can recover and heal by itself...

of course, with good rest, healthy food, healthy drinks... I supposed...

just 2 days ago (tuesday) when I first get home, that's my condition : belly painful, not too painful though, tolerable, the irritating one is the bottom and the back pain, due to the hospital bed... and getting up and down the bed (my bed) seems to be a little bit tough... therefore, last night, I opted for the sofa, but that's a bad choice...

and just yesterday, though I've much improved, it still take a bit of effort for me to get up from the couch...

but then, today?? I'll say, all went pretty well...

I can get up from the couch easier, and I took my first shower...

yuck isn't it??

for once, I listen to "public advice", that I'll not shower immediately, but tomorrow, I'm going to see my gynae, so, I'd better shower... and like I told him, under the microscope... probably the dirt's a few mm thick... yuck!

but then, compared to my first childbirth, at this point in time, I think, I could manoeuvre easier...

IF NOT BECAUSE I'M CHINESE,

AND IF NOT BECAUSE CHINESE HAS ALL THESE THINGS ABOUT CONFINEMENT,

I guess, by the end of next week,

I can actually go out and run around and shop and live like usual...

and of course, as expected, even my dear husband will not allow me to do so...

he'll make sure that, I'll be CONFINED, for 1 month!!!!!!!! anyway,

he's done a great job to be the CONFINEMENT MAN! yes, this time I skip that, no confinement lady,

only confinement food catered.. and I've to say, it's good...

it's just pity that, my husband's to do the cleaning job... plus taking care of my dear daughter...

though, my dear daughter, again, Praise to God, she's been behaving...

and everything went well...

Praise to God...

No Sixth Sense

Sixth sense?

You have? I don't,

You want? No I don't…

Life should be just as it is, not knowing what's tomorrow, not knowing what's next, and every moment, treasured…

Sixth sense?

If I have, the afternoon my mother left us,

I wouldn't be enjoying that peaceful afternoon, colouring my hair for a small photo session,

And half way in the midst of the process,

The bad news come…

Ever since, I've never really "seen" my mother,

As what my little brother's little girlfriend had... (yes, she's sixth sense)

Have you ever really made plan for yourself?

I mean long term plan,

And how many of you have really achieved your plan?

Maybe you have, but no, I don't…

I've heard there're people who'll like to achieve certain things, or be certain people, own certain props, and so on… by certain age…

Their life's as planned, just as planned, nothing  more, nothing less…

Interesting?? Now, don't introduce me to this sort of people, they should be out of my radar…

I don't think I can bear talking to a person, who doesn't have hope, and faith… no, they don't, that's why they can only live with their own plan…

Another reason being,

Oops… I've always failed in my own planned…

Failed in a way, but end up even better in a way,

Who's to give credit?? God of course!!!!!!

I've tried making study plan before, but it always ended up as,

I spent time on it, and wasted time at the same time…

After a couple of rounds, I gave up planning…

Then, I gave up planning…

I live life as it is,

Thinking, praying, thinking and praying…

I'm not sure if you'd like to know what's going to happen in the future…

But I don't, if I do know, I don't think, I'll want to live anymore…

What's there in life for you to hope for, pray for, endure, and learn???

Haha, even though you may not see any connection,

But I like this phrase,

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference." ~ Reinhold Niebuhr

And lately, I found a quote for engraving on our ipad,

"If we pray, we will believe; If we believe, we will love; If we love, we will serve." ~ Mother Teresa

Ya… funny, not enough space, so, the engraving is only 2/3 of the sentence...

Forever & ever… pueh!

I used to think that, I'll like white coffee forever, after ditching the so-called "ang mor" coffee… (ya, unless I ask for double-shot of expresso, else, it's so little kick, and probably a little bit bland for me!)

But then, I don't know why, out of sudden, just a couple of days ago… I suddenly feel that, even the white coffee's nothing much left in me…

Ok, I still drink, "old town", "gold choice", "chek hup", among my favourite brands… but then, seriously, I don't find joy in drinking them…

Instead… somehow I got hooked onto chinese tea… (good move huh?)

It all started when I was spring cleaning my fridge, and (did I tell you about that?) I dug out the green tea from china, which we bought from shanghai back in 2004… (yuk! You may say, "still got taste?" well… tea is tea, I'm not that particular about stronger, or less aromatic, and whatsoever, it still has that tea taste, come on!)

And also, it all started when I thought of seriously drinking tea…

Well… "pai seh" to tell you, in fact, I've been struggling with teapots and so on…

I've been using the ikea teapot, 2 version, both are good, in a way, yes very good, ikea's stuff is basically value for money… but then, I'm more to the lazy type, the same thing (chore), if you expect me to do it over and over again, day by day, I'll feel fedup, and I may just ditch the "habit"… ie. washing the teapot with tea leaves everywhere… I mean, you gotta scoop it, somehow somehow…

Therefore, one day, I decided to grab those "tea bag" from Daiso…

And yes, it works…

NOW! I just need to pour the tea leaves into the teabag, which is big enough to give "room" to the leaves to steep… yes, apparently tealeaf needs room… ^_^

And now… I'm into tea… forever? Not sure, I can't tell…

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Then, I used to… well… I was pretty particular about certain font types… ie. I've favourite fonts from time to time, and that sucks… you know why? When I've favourite fonts, I need to have that particular font, basically everywhere in my apps… excel, words, outlook, browserS, bla bla bla… so, I've to change from time to time, though it was not on frequent basis…

Whenever I'm into one, I thought, it's FOREVER, that's why, I bothered to change, right???

Then… one day, out of sudden again… all these fonts don't matter to me anymore…

Long time ago, I even went to the extent to go into all my old blog entries, to make sure that, all the fonts are STANDARDIZED!! All the way to year 2005, scary huh???

Again, a good switch!!!

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Ok… of other things, like what sets of plates and bowls to use, ie. ikea vs. "chiplak", and bla bla bla… I thought, it'll be forever, but then, it only last for a while…

Each time, I told myself, THAT's the best dining solution, ie. dining, and ease of washing…

But then again, next day, I changed my mind…

Conclusion??

Adult loves using the word FOREVER!! (deep down, we all know that, nothing can be forever!)

Just like what Charlie's mother told him, (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory) that… adults likes to use forever, but then, they don't really mean it…

Maybe…

Maybe you take "forever" less seriously than I do…

But then, ya… that's why… I say, there's nothing's forever… cos, I take it seriously, and I know… seriously… nothing's forever…

Small Cool...

Ya… somehow, I'm very much attracted to Apartment Therapy's Small Cool… those pictures, those cosy little corners…

(http://community.apartmenttherapy.com/contests/smallcool/2011)

Small, and,

Cool…

BIG? Not, not cool to me, somehow…

And suddenly, I thought of… maybe that's exactly how my OS is, always is…

I've always insisted I wanna stay in a small house, big house, big family… anything big's not cool to me, needless to say, not even romantic…

Maybe I'm much influenced by all those movies, books that I've watched, read, when I was much younger…

Ie. alone, somewhere in the foreign land, and that's… to me, romantic, and cool… and somehow cozy…

AND of course, if you psycho-analyze me… THAT also means… ya… I prefer to be alone, my tolerance level towards others is LOW!!

Why? That's another long story, probably I also won't know and I shall start psycho-analyze myself…

At the moment, we're staying in a small cool (and cosy) apartment, yes, to the "ang mor" standard… to them, everything is usually BIG, and everything HAS to be big, bigger…

Therefore, even the size of my apartment (you call it condo, if you want) is their small cool…

Isn't that just right??

Though… I do wish, I'll be like Darryl and Wanda (in Baby Blues comic) to have 3 children… yes, big family right?  But yes, our own family, not like adding more "distanced" relatives, or you call it extended relatives…

Yes, I mentioned, my tolerance level's pretty low…

And I'm pretty personal in my day-to-day activities…

When I wanna watch TV,

When I wanna sleep/nap,

When I wanna eat, how I wanna eat…

No, I prefer to do it in a no-man land… or just with people (like my baby daughter, and husband) who!! I know we share the same "heart", "feeling", "mentality", as a family…

THAT's enough for me, and that's small… and cool… enough for me…