Sharing: 5 Things to Say--and 5 NOT to Say--to your Friend with Cancer

http://healthbeat.yourtotalhealth.com/2009/06/5-things-to-say-and-not-say.html

What NOT to say to your friend with cancer

1. "You poor thing, I feel so sorry for you." People with cancer need compassion, not pity. Pity implies hierarchy, while compassion puts you on the same level.
2. "What's your prognosis?" Prognosis is a medical term and it makes most people with cancer think about how long they might survive. Even if they're positive thinkers, they may not want to think about how long doctors indicate they're going to live.
3. "Let me know if there's anything I can do to help." This might seem like a helpful statement. But according to my research, that statement is one of the least helpful. When people have cancer they may feel so overwhelmed that they can't focus on what they need. Offer something specific -- run an errand, give a foot rub, weed their garden.
4. "My aunt [or anyone] died of breast cancer." Tell positive stories, never scary stories, about other people who have had cancer. More than anything, people with cancer need hope, and horror stories dash hope.
5. "At least they caught it early [or "at least" anything]." Your friend needs to know you're acknowledging his pain and taking it seriously. If you say, "At least you don't have to go through chemo..." or something similar, you minimize what he's going through. He may discover what's good about his situation himself, but doesn't want to hear it from you.

NEXT: 5 Things You SHOULD Say to Your Friend with Cancer
What TO say to your friend with cancer

1. "I'm so sorry this is happening. It could happen to any of us. Life is so unfair sometimes." This takes away any possible blame or shame, and puts you on the same level.
2. "I don't know what to say, and I'm sorry if I say something wrong. Just know how much I care about you." This defuses tension for both of you, and enables you to communicate what really matters: that you care. Whatever you do, don't stay away from your friend because you're uncomfortable.
3. "I am here for you, anytime, anywhere." More than anything, people with cancer need to know you're there for them. But beware: don't say this unless you can honor the commitment! People with cancer may be more vulnerable, and what used to irritate like a scratch may sting intensely.
4. "I'm here to listen but if you don't feel like talking, I understand." This statement gives control to your friend, shows your concern, and keeps the door of communication open.
5. Nothing. Nada. Zip. As the Dalai Lama says, "Sometimes silence is the best answer." What's most important is that you listen well, without judging or offering advice.

my dessert is your poison (vice versa)

funny… the other day one of my ex-colleague who’s also a mother… asked me why I don’t express my milk…
asked me if I find it inconvenient to go out since I opt to ‘direct’ breastfeed, my response that time was “I just need to go to mall with nursing room”
she said, “isn’t that inconvenient?”

well.. frankly, this word never comes into my mind, ‘inconvenient’
ya… to most people maybe it’s ‘inconvenient’, however, I find packing up bottles, flask, and all the breast pumps and so on, when going out, is even more inconvenient…
if there’s no nursing room??
Ha… ask my friends, I’ve nursed with the poncho, as simple as that, I’ve nursed in coffee bean, I’ve nursed in tai thong restaurant while having dimsum…
Other people may see me with “colourful spectacles”, however… do I have to care??
(same as my “comparison to construct” piece, I normally do not care less what others think… and to those people, I’ll just have to say “MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS PLEASE!”)
She then advised me that, later when baby teething (sure bite) and baby gets bigger, I’ll sure regret…
Well… I told her, and myself too… then, I’ll see… I can’t be worrying much now…
I know she advised me in good means… however… I really have not found any of these “challenges” that I’ve to go through a problem…
Her poision, my dessert…
Vice versa, her dessert, my poison (arrgh… I find expressing milk too troublesome, you’ve to sterilize the bottles, you’ve to manage the bottles, and what more to say, when you’re outside… say the frozen milk ran out, you still have to go to private place to express the milk… and I do find it funny if I were to express my milk underneath a poncho in the restaurant while having dimsum)

Funnier still… on the same day, another ex-colleague came by my place (ya, that day itself, I’ve 2 visitors, yippie!)
When I describe to her, she also think that, direct breastfeed is ‘convenient’…
Of course, I supposed there’s no right or wrong only if the person who’s doing what is truly enjoying it…
And I do truly enjoy my breastfeeding experience… hehe…
Also, like what I’ve mentioned to my ex-boss…, adults, will bear the consequences of their own choice
I’m sure, later, I’ll cry when baby starts to bite due to the teething process… and I guess, I just have to bear the consequences…

comparison to construct

I’m sure many of us, while growing up, while working, while whatever, we do compare to others… from time to time…
(well… however, I’ve to say, I rarely do that…)
When we’re small, we compare if our parents love which one of our siblings more than us…
While studying, maybe our teacher prefers which students, etc.
And while working, our boss prefer which colleague of ours…

Anyway… like I’ve mentioned, I rarely compare
Maybe I know the Chinese phrase, 人比人氣死人！
What for I compare??
Ya… I gotta compare…
So that, I can improve, so that, I can be better than I can imagine myself to be…
I did compare…
When I first got my job… my predecessor was so much better…
All my colleagues said, “she could do that, she used to do that”… so on, so forth…
And therefore, I was comparing myself to a figure (as she’s quit)… which was hard…
Anyway… in the end… I believe, if I’ve not become better than my predecessor, but at least, I’m able to deliver what’s expected so far…
To me, this type of comparison is kinda healthy…

Overall… I don’t like to compare myself to others… there’s nothing much to compare, everybody does work in their different manner, as long as there’s result, or good result achieved, I supposed it’s alright…
Like I’ve said, 人比人氣死人！
And 被氣死了，不划算！

Growing up, I rarely compared myself with my siblings… ie. if parents love them more than they love me…
I guess, all three of us feel the same love from our parents… right??

However… there are people who tend to compare themselves with others constantly… (if any of you are, please let me know why)
Sadly, they feel that, they’re not recognized… or they’ve not been rewarded as what they expect themselves to be rewarded… (though they have been rewarded somehow… just not up to the expectation maybe!) and that eventually leads to the state that… everybody owes them something…
Comparison as such… will never fill up the ‘hole’ in one’s heart…
The person will forever be unsatisfied, frustrated, feel unrewarded, and feel unappreciated!!
Forever… isn’t that tormenting??

In the end, the person will always be the complaining party…
No matter where he goes… no place is suitable, and nobody is appreciative…
Why torture ourselves like that??

Compare, if it leads oneself to be better, to improve further, should be encouraged…
However, if it leads oneself to feel the negative about others… I guess… let’s just try to learn how to appreciate instead of being appreciated,
How to contribute, instead of being “contributed”,
How to be even better, instead of others to be better, I guess…

Poo of the Century

Since she comes to 2.5 months… her bowel movement changed…
Changed to poo-ing daily, to ONE BIG ONE in a few days…
So… for last week… she’s not poo’ed for around 4 days…
When it’s 3 days record, I start worry…
I did extensive research on the internet, checking this and that… ok, from reliable source…
Conclusion:
For fully breastfed babies, it’s normal
If baby hasn’t poo’ed for >7 days, bring him/her to see doctor then…

So I monitor very very closely…
Last Sunday, we went to ikano… and I kinda had this feeling (or, rather, everyday I was hoping…) that she’ll poo that day…
To protect the car seat and the stroller, I actually put her nappy as lining…, ok, just in case heh!!
She didn’t, when we’re in ikano…
However… on our way back after lunch… I could see that, she’s having some ‘movement’ down there…
Fully concentrate, and quiet.. but face a bit red…
We’re so eager to see…. I even make a bet with him… that she’s poo’ed or not… and prize is the remaining tub of baskin robin’s icecream in the fridge…
He didn’t accept the bet…
Right after we entered the house… I bring her heading straight to our room, put her on the changing tray…
Wow!!! BIG!!!!! Ya, biggest poo I’ve seen…
Ever since her bowel movement pattern changed, I know the poo would be big, but I didn’t expect it to be THAT big…
We’re both so HAPPY!!! Seeing the poo…
Haha!! Call us gross… (I guess, all parents, to a certain extent can be a bit gross…)
The poo actually go to the front, reaching all the way up to her stomach…
Yorr~~~
Ya… ever since the change, 1 diaper is not enough to contain her poo…
I once said, if I detect her poo-ing fast… I will just bring her to the washroom… hold her on top of the toilet bowl…
Cos, it’s simply too much to catch with anything…

Later in the evening, same day…
She’s a second round…
Also big… this time, it came out of the edges of the diaper… Yorr~~~~ goodness!!!
He and I basically having a great time clearing up her mess man!!
And this time round, the favourite bouncing net was dirtied…

That day… I called her poo, “Poo of the Century”

My first encounter with her newly changed bowel movement was…
One fine afternoon… I was changing her wet diaper like usual…
Then, suddenly… she started having this expression…. (ya, 80% chances I’m able to guess it right, ie. she’s going to poo)
So, I thought… good then… leave the diaper behind to ‘catch’ her poo…
Her poo now is something pasty… yellow pasty… ya, that’s for fully breastfed babies…
I saw the paste slowly coming out… like production line like that…
Coming out coming out…
Since I didn’t want it to become a mess… I actually thought I could wipe away before the second batch came out,
So, I wiped it away…
But then… more and more were coming out before I could really clean them… and the wet tissues were simply piling up on the same diaper…
Imagine~~~
Poo piling up…
Tissue piling up…
When more poo comes out, where will it go???
To the side lo…
In the end… even though I’m trying to minimize the mess on the changing tray… it still become dirty and messy… @_@
I kept telling her…
“Baby, you’re a girl, don’t poo like that leh!!”
Ya… she understand ho??

BIG MAMA

After talking about roaches…
Ok… technically… after I’ve killed 2 roaches recently…
It reminded me of my mother…
While I was killing the cockroach, baby did came into my mind…
That make my mission a must-succeed mission…
Else the disgusting creature went to disturb her how??
And that reminded me of my mother…

I grew up in a small town, far east (a.k.a. Sibu, Sarawak)
And the place is still (ya, STILL) a place with swaps, woods, and undeveloped areas…
Therefore, as long as I can remember, in our house, every few days, there’ll be flying insects visiting our house…
And…~~~
You guess it…
I HATE & I’M DAMN SCARED OF FLYING INSECTS!!!
all sorts of butterfly
all sorts of moths
those “flying ants” that will come after rain, and they fly to well-lit area…
I remember having to put basin of water with a lit candle in the middle to attract them so that they’ll drop into the water and die…
Cicada (oh, frequent visitor man!)
Cricket (less often)
Cicada and one type of white colour butterfly/moth are the most frequent visitors…
And serious… I’ve to say I HATE IT!!!
Maybe some people, if growing up in such environment, they’ll get used to it…
But I simply hate it and scared of it, as many years as I lived there… (maybe that’s one of the reason that mould me into such a city girl, ya, I love city, especially metropolitan)

Whenever these visitors came to our house (and I’m not sure why, they seemed to like to fly to my room directly, rather than other area… maybe they could sense that I’m scared of them) I’ll scream and run…
If my father’s in the house, he’ll catch them, but I didn’t like it as whenever he caught them, he’d use it to scare me… damn!
If my father’s not in the house, it’ll be my mother’s job…
I remember I asked my mother once, if she’s scared
She said, she’s also scared, but for her children, she’s no choice…

……
That day, when I faced that disgusting roaches in the kitchen…
I remembered exactly what she’s told me, that line…
And now I know how it feels…
In Chinese, you simply have to harden your guts, “the skin of your head” and whatever you can harden to face it… and kill it… for your baby…
硬著頭皮
I guess, if really, baby’s screaming because of a moth, or butterfly, or cicada, and he’s not in the house… I die also have to catch it in the future… (arrghhh!!!)
And… guess what… I just have to硬著頭皮 and do it…
as… sometimes, when I look at our baby… thinking of all those bad saddening social news of what cruel disgusting adults do to younger baby girls, or younger girls… (and ya… if you’ve flesh and blood, how could they?? Right??)
I know very well, if anybody dares hurt my baby, I’ll send them to hell like how I send the roaches to hell…

Roaches Go to Hell

See… lately (or, I’ll say, after I’ve given birth) I’ve killed 2 cockroaches in our house… arggh!!!!~~~~
He’s killed one flying cockroach, which flew into our living room one day…
I seriously hate them, and also seriously damn scared of them
I once described it to my youngest brother…
How I feel about roaches…

See, I’m so scared of them… scared but won’t and can’t runaway… maybe I’m rational in that sense, running away doesn’t solve the “problem”… I won’t jump onto the couch and scream and if he’s around I’ll ask him to try to catch it and kill it, but normally, he’ll have to give it a few shots before hitting the jackpot!!! ~_~
As for me…
I’m really really very scared of it… (I guess nobody really can see/feel how I feel about roaches)
But I also hate them very very very very very much!!!!!! VERY MUCH~~~~~ HEAR ME?????
So… I’ve left with one choice…
As for the 2 killings that I’ve done… it’s after everybody in my household has gone to bed, slept soundly… and I’m left alone…
The moment I saw this monster, my sweat immediately come out… but I hate it so much that, I’ve to kill it…
I’ve to…
No joke!
The best way (after some experience) to get them is to use newspaper… (as newspaper is hard enough to ‘paralyze’ it, but soft enough not to make it ‘splat’ and all the internal gross stuff come out)
2 killings, I hit ONLY ONCE… maybe I hate it just so much that, it gives me the accuracy…
But since I’m so scared of it, so what after paralyzing it…
It’s not fully dead yet, and I can’t leave the dead body lying around on the floor IN MY HOUSEHOLD!
The first time, I use the same newspaper, scooped it (this gross disgusting creature actually moved a bit to do its last struggling) with my sweat dripping and dripping… and bring it to the toilet, flush it down… since it’s light, and to ensure that, it’ll be flushed down the toilet, I throw a little bit of toilet tissue to add the weight onto its disgusting body
The second time, it’s near our storeroom, so I took the broom (which we don’t use anymore, only the confinement lady used when she’s here) and sweep it to the dustpan… again same type of gross creature do the same disgusting struggle… it tried to clamp onto the broom… NEVERMIND!!! I just hit the broom at the rim of the toilet bowl and it dropped into the water…
Again, to ensure it’ll be flushed down… I put some toilet tissue!!!

Oh gosh!!! It’s just so damn disgusting and I’m fully exhausted, as well as disgusted… yuek!
And I could take it no more…
So, I went online to research some ways to ‘repel’ it, and to kill it…
I don’t want to stay out there EVERY NIGHT to catch roaches ok!!!!!
And ya… I know I can wake him up from his sleep to do this dirty job, but see… even during alert time, he’ll have to give it a few shots, what more to say, in the middle of sleep… catching and killing roaches should be a job without mistake… ~_~
Also, maybe he does not hate it THAT MUCH to give him that sort of accuracy…
Oh ya, the first time… the creature was at the edge of the door towards our backyard
The second time, the stupid creature was crawling slowing around the rubbish plastic bag… thinking that, it’ll have its delicious supper is it?? Huh!

The more I researched online, the more disgusted I became…
A few messages I came across repeatedly, from Chinese sites, from English sites…
First, roaches have been on this planet for million years… it’s not like you want to get rid of them you can get rid of them easily… there’s no 100% guaranteed remedy… ooh ah!!! Doom!!
Second, ants are scared of sourness, roaches are scared of nice scent (螞蟻怕酸，蟑螂怕香)
Third, the scariest one… since roaches multiply very fast… if you start to see them even during day time (their activity time’s at night) then your household is basically doomed!!!
Oh, goodness gracious… the more I think about it, the more I couldn’t sleep…

THAT WEEKEND,
We went to the supermarket… I bought a lot of stuff… scenty stuff…
To repel, to kill, to bait…
I put them everywhere…
See how it goes… and God please bless me…

enjoybreastfeed.com

Haha… “shun bien” help them to advertise a bit…
Anyway… I’ve to say… I’m lucky to have a period of blessed pregnancy…
I enjoyed my pregnancy…
Though I still throw my anger, but I simply enjoy throwing my anger…
My colleagues/friends advised me not to do that… else, “baby comes out, sure very bad temper”…
I’ve my own theory…
If you’re angry about certain things, or at certain people and you hold it… keep it to yourself… baby really may comes out, very bad temper…
UNLESS you’re able to really control your emotion, your way of thinking and become not angry… everything also ‘let go’… then, it’ll be fine…
I just answered them, “nah… I need to teach the baby what’s right and what’s wrong…” (ya… 胎教嘛！), ya, that’s in work… there’s RIGHT and WRONG… very straightforward…
For eg. Things like our “favourite” colleague 2face’s doing, it’s just WRONG, you cannot just close 1 eye and pretend that it doesn’t happen… and live with it…
(by the way, actually there’s new “season” about 2face, after the last finale… I shall blog about it some other time…)
Or, for eg. One of our business partner, or rather, vendor… this girl, she liked to comment things like this to me, about our company, about my colleagues, and liked to poke into my work…

1. She said, our sales people need to be “educated”,
2. One day, I was pissed, as she came to give me some festive gift, but at the same time (maybe she thought she’s given me some gift, she can then have the “pass” to go through my stuff) she was flipping through the documents on my table… asking if there’s anything for her company… I regretted not telling her off there and then, as my reaction came slow… only after she left, I realized what she did was not right… and therefore, I lost my temper a bit

Ah… can’t remember or rather, can’t list down everything… anyway... it’s all past ^_^ she finally left the post.. and I didn’t have to deal with her anymore… kekekekekekeke…

Arrgh… as usual, I deviated from my own thinking most of the time…
Back to breastfeeding…
I’m grateful and thankful that, I’ve a good pregnancy (no morning sickness, no midnight leg cramps, no special food craving, or whatever)
And I’m grateful that, I’m actually enjoying my breastfeeding sessions… (despite all the complications that happened to my assets)
And… at this stage (at this stage only), I’ve to say my motherhood is so far so good…
Not sure about parenthood later… cos, parenting is slightly different…
Baby’s still small… things are simple… I do not really lack of sleep problem (probably also due to my nature, that I normally do sleep at odd hour) and I know… most likely all mothers out there don’t do this… but…
I actually catch up with my loss sleep when I’m nursing…
She eats, I sleep… and she falls asleep, and we both sleep… so, in fact, 1/3 of the day, she’s sleeping on my lap, or, technically, in my arms…
Then, she’s hungry, wakes up, I switch side, nurse again, I sleep… she falls asleep again… for about 1/3 to 1/2 of the day… in between, she sometimes wakes up and stays awake for around 45 min to 1 hour, which is the time, she’s most happy and alert of the day (usually it’s in the morning, like 8-9 o’clock) and that I’ll play with her and communicate with her… ya, I know that’s very important for her, and I’ve to stay awake… anyway, after a while, she’ll get hungry/sleepy… and both of us will go back to the same cycle…
That’s why I got “enough” sleep, and that’s why I still have my own precious private time, ie. sitting in front of my computer…
Or… when we’re both supposed to be “wake up” time… we’ll go to the living room, I’ll nurse when she’s hungry, she eats, I watch TV/DVD/my downloaded movies… etc.
In between…
I’ll do my daily housechores a little bit here and there, for eg. Preparing the water for her bath, launderette, dinner… etc.

I’ve to say, thank God, so far so good…

My Crime Series

I started watching CSIs with the CSI Miami… and I used to prefer CSI Miami more than the others… simply because the Cuban guy Eric is pretty cute and I’ve to say, I actually like Calleigh’s voice ^_^
Then, I started to watch CSI NY…
Followed by the original CSI : Crime Scene Investigation..
I used to dislike this original CSI (call it CSI LV)… as I don’t like the leader… not handsome enough, and there weren’t anybody that’s handsome in the show, and Sara’s simply too “not cute”… and Catherine is just too old…

Anyway… as of today…
The “chart” has been reshuffled…
CSI LV, then, Miami, then, NY
Why???
Like I told him… after watching some CSI LV… I found that, the LV one is slightly more real… cos at the same time, I sometimes catch some documentaries on the CI (Crime and Investigation) channel on Astro…
LV feels more real… as the cases presented are very similar to those mentioned in CI, and it’s really more scary… those cases, are more real and you know it may happen to you…
Whole CSI Miami is simply very entertaining… and bright… and loads of bikini… my liking towards CSI Miami is still the same… I hate to say, I kinda like Horatio as the leader… he’s more emotional compared to the rest of the CSI’s leaders… cos, he sometimes would do “funny” things to protect his team and his lab… BUT ya, now I remember, one thing that puts me off a little bit off this franchise is that stupid woman Natalia… goodness… I simply don’t like the view of her in the show… she’s new, but yet, whenever she approaches the crime scene, her style is just intolerable, cos, she did it as if she’s the best crime scene analyst and she could do it easily and relaxingly, unlike the serious others… hey! Even Calleigh is more senior than her, she’s at least SERIOUS about her job… and this bitch has slept with both the guys in the show… goodness!

Grissom, I just refer him as “fei lou” (fatty in Cantonese) is very smart and hands-on, but arrghh… not handsome leh~~ not handsome nevermind, not even adorable…
(oh now, he’s ‘retired’ from the role and they put a new role, by Lawrence Fishburne, I actually like this new role… I thought it’s a good move for CSI LV)

And for CSI NY, what shall I say…
I just describe to him as, “very canggih crime”…
The crime and the way of dying of the victims in this franchise is just too “canggih”, and too high-tech…
It only happened in shows…
Ya, it shows that the team is kinda like very intelligent and is capable in solving all the “high-tech” crime… however, it feels a bit unreal…
The only few episodes that caught my full attention are those about the cabby killer…

HOWEVER!!!
After saying all these… my fav is in fact “Criminal Minds”…
Again, one of the reason is I like Thomas Gibson’s role…
And I like Mandy Patinkin as the ex-leader…
I also like David Rossi as the new leader though…
These characters more “exotic” compares to the other crime series..
And again… the cases presented in these series CAN happen in the real world… that’s why I find them interesting…

But of course, if Astro also shows
“Close to home”
“The Closer”
I will watch also…
These shows are usually shown on StarWorld, with CSIs on AXN (now you know my fav channels huh!)

But something on Hallmark I’ll also watch, if I manage to catch them,
Ie. “Law and Order” (Criminal Intent and SVU), Without A Trace
Kekekekeke…

Low-E Buffoon

I do not like to deal with people who likes to quote others…
I really do not like…
In work, I’ve always advised my colleague, who’ll be taking over my job that, to gain the trust from our business partners, don’t quote them… then… they’ll tell you all information that you’ll need… cos, they know that you’ll not betray them…
I really hate people who quote others…
It’s like… these people do not have a mind of their own
They’ll tell you, “boss says cannot bla bla bla… boss says you must bla bla bla…” and so on…
That’s in work…
In other aspect of daily live…
Sometimes we hear one family member says, “your uncle said you should not bla bla bla… “ (or your father, your brother, your auntie, your grandpa, your grandma, your whoever”…
Damn!!! Isn’t it??? Can I kick your ass??
So, what say you???

I thought these people basically has no confidence in themselves…
And I just use the very simple way to deal with them…
I live myself this simple way
If Mr. A says I cannot bla bla bla…
Then, Mr. A shall come upon and tell me himself…
You don’t have to quote others…
You really just don’t have to quote others…
If you don’t even have the guts to tell me what’s actually in your mind, then, please, just keep your mouth shut!
Will you?

Another obvious trait of this sort of people is,
They very often, or, rather, ALWAYS tell you that, they’re OK WITH ANYTHING
In English, “I’m ok with anything”, “anything’s fine”
In Chinese, “我很隨便的！” （哼！放你的大屁！）
In Cantonese, “ngo mat yeh dou dat”, “ngo hou choi bien ge” (bluek!)
Can I double-kick your ass then!!

Oh ya, why I said “Low-E Buffoon”???
Low-E, ie. low EQ… I posted this Signs of High and Low EQ
Oh… just refer to the Signs of Low EQ portion can liao!
And “buffoon”… haha, that’s just additional “items”, cos, I was watching this boston legal episode, which I’ve watched before, and it’s about that buffoon guy, which I remember blogging about it…
And I thought, ya… Low-E people… oh, are worse than being a buffoon!!

sweetest voice

Don’t get it wrong… she hasn’t started calling us “papa”, or “mama” yet…
Not so soon…
But it’s already good enough…

That morning, after nursing her… I put her back to her playpen, expecting her to sleep…
That’s 7 something in the morning, if I’ve not remembered wrongly…
And I was preparing to catch my own sleep too…
Then, I hear her “ao…”, “ah…”, “ou…”
Not her cry…
Just very sweet little voice coming out from her…
SO SWEET and cute!!!
I got up and look at her…
She’s talking to the 3 little bears hanging above her head in the playpen…
Yor~~~~~~
So ‘ke ai’ man!!!
Ah… I couldn’t sleep anymore…
When she’s ready/prepared to talk…
It’s golden time for me to bring her to the front of me and start communicating with her…
Goodness… her voice’s simply too cute and sweet…

Ya… I can’t forget that morning
The sweetest voice I’ve heard…
From little baby…

Baby, mama love you love you

diary vs. blog

ya… one by one…
since I was organising my files on my PC, ya, not just on my PC, but also, between PC and my external hdd…
(oh, just for your information, due to my great management skill, now, I’ve spare 3 ‘biji’ of external hdd, which equals to 280GB of free space, yatta~~~)
Ok ok…
Since I was organising my files… and merging all my older files that’s been scattered across different media… different type of folders and bla bla bla…
I came to realize that things have changed…
Did I mention I started writing diary since I was around 12???
Ya that time… don’t know why, I felt a bit of guilt by keeping a diary, and I’d to keep it in my drawer, hidden at the bottom of my drawer, but luckily, I never had nosy parents who like to dig into my stuff, and my parents also did not help “tidy” up my belongings on the regular basis… that’s good…
Kids just need to learn how to tidy up their own belongings right??
So, after so many years, I’ve written a lot of things… from 1 book to 1 book of diaries during the secondary school to uni days…
Then, after I started work, after my brother taught me how to use the Chinese fonts on Windows… I started doing it on the computer…
When I first had my twinhead in 2004…
I guess, from after uni, ie. 1997 to around 2004, there’s a void, that I don’t write anything…
I guess… cos, I really will not be able to find any trails…
Diary, I can find them… as in real hard copy diaries…
Digital forms… I still keep them… that’s why I was busy reorganizing last night…
Anyway…
I came to realize… before I started blogging, I wrote quite a lot of diaries… especially when I traveled with him… one of the main thing that I jot down most were about my dreams… ya, during those free days, when I could afford to sleep damn a lot, I had a lot of dreams, dreams that when I got up, I still can remember, and therefore I jot them down… it’s kinda interesting when you read back… and of course, if you ask me, it’s worth the effort to jot down…
That’s before my blogging days…
And when I started the multiply blog…
What I realize is…
I write for people to see more than I write in the mean of talking to myself…
I guess… I shall start doing that again…
It’s good to talk to yourself…
Maybe it works for type of people like me (but what’s the “type”, nah, don’t know)
I’d recorded a lot prior to my blogging day… it’s about everything, ya, dreams that I had, events that happened, unhappiness… darkness… and so on… every single things.. but nowadays, I don’t write in such manner anymore
Cos, I write in the mean for people to see… so, it’s kind of like… it’s developed a pattern for me to write, and I couldn’t get out of the pattern…

Aren’t we all the same, most of the time?
When we’re in new place, we can be the real person or a totally ‘different’ person as who we normally are, in our daily life…
However… that won’t last long… once we gotta know people, we started this pattern…
Cos, we know that, there’re people who know us… and we’ve to “live up to expectation”, and then… and then…
We become a person who we want and at the same time, others expect us to be…
And then, we sometimes find it tiring… cos, that’s not the real person we want to be… we just want to be ourselves, right??
I’m not sure about others… but as for me, it’s not easy… it’s just a vicious circle… I simply can’t get out of it… I’ll only say… throughout each change, it makes me a ‘better’ person… ie. a person that’s closer to the real person that I want to be… that’s why, I like changes of environment…
And that’s why I like making new friends…
AND that’s why I appreciate my friends a lot… cos, in a way, they’re one of the factors of “making” the ME today…

Anyway… where am I now??
I should be staying on the topic of diary vs. blog??
Ya… diary, I used to call it 心情錄，I use it as a tool of talking to myself… so, it really can be very very very personal
But blog… eh… everybody knows what it is ^_^

Data Management

On Thursday, we got our new desktop PC from dell… ya I ordered online, I thought it’s quite a good deal though… well, at least, I think it’s worth the money, RM2589 (ask me the specs separately, k?)
And because of this “event”…
I was having some ‘headache’… before it arrives, and after it’s arrived…
Before…
I keep “rehearsing” in my head, how I should organize the wiring at workstation… call it a workstation, but it’s just this mini cute little “workstation” from IKEA, which cost around RM300 if I’ve not remembered wrongly…
Basically there’re 3 things in my mind, that I’ve to resolved, before, and after the PC arrives
1. The wiring
2. My data (well… some of you may knows, I’ve tones of digital junks, which 80% is my downloaded movies, jdorama, and series) which.. also means… how I should utilize my hard-disk, ya, external ones, some need power, some portable, again, ask me separately if you want to know how many of them, ^_^)
3. After setting up everything, last things… my files… my outlook .pst files… and so on… how I should reorganize them… cos, I’ll be using this desktop extensively (for so many years, I’ve been using the twinhead notebook, and for the past 2 years, the notebook provided by my company)

That’s it… that’s the list, but because of that, I was having slight ‘headache’… ya, I’m the type of person, once I’ve these things (unsettled things) in mind, I can’t really sleep, I just have to carry it out and complete it… anxiety… (one of my friends once asked me to watch “Monk”, after she came to know that, I’ve such type of “anxiety”… haha!)

So… as I’m blogging now… everything’s settled.. and the price?? I’ve a slight flu…
AND since I’m breastfeeding my little baby, can I still continue… I once doubted… but then, I came about this article from one of those baby website… it says, I should continue… cos, the antibody that I’m developing now, will be passed to her… wow!! Great then… ^_^ (03:59)

~~~tHe jOURney of ThE BREASTS~~~ (Part IV)

So what now?
What happens now is… big mama here has oversupply/overabundant milk problem…
Sabishii~~~~~~ T_T
It started around 2 weekends ago,
Little baby started crying during nursing, in the afternoon..
Later I found out, it’s because of this “forceful let-down” (I’m not going into details on all these terms, as it can be google’ed)

For around 2 weeks, every evening, both of us are as frustrated as each other…
She cries, but she’s hungry, I tried all positions… most of the time… she cries…
She’s giving all these colic-like symptoms (oh ya… after today’s check, it’s only colic-like, not colic… phew…)

The problem with oversupply and thus forceful letdown is…
Well… at first, I was still trying my luck, by maybe ‘forcing’ her to latch on… by pressing on her little head (aiyo!!! Poor little thing)
But then… I realised, forceful letdown… it’s just like
1. When you watch movies… the bad people force something down your throat when they capture you, and tie you up… arggh… nobody likes it
2. Or, when somebody takes a pipe and spray on you with jet of water… arrghh… I don’t like it either…
So… it’s like baby has to deal with this type of “situation” almost every evening…
Poor little thing…

That’s why, some mothers wish they’ve more milk.. but fulltime nursing mother like me… probably hopes that, I’ve slightly less milk…
And guess what again??
As of this evening, we found that, she’s a drop of greenish stool in her diaper…
After some ‘research’… hai… it’s foremilk-hindmilk imbalance…
However… luckily, I managed to find some ‘resolution’ on the internet…
And I shall try the remedies…
http://breastfeeding.hypermart.net/toomuchmilk.html

nightmare, sweetdream, life

whenever i recall...
the day, 2008 March 23 (easter sunday)... when i got the call from my brother...
when we went to pick her up in sarikei, she lied there, quietly, breathlessly...
the whole week of emptiness and pain after this...
a nightmare...
sometimes, i still can't believe all these actually happened (ya, like i've said many time, i STILL can't 100% get over it)
but there's no waking up, cos, it's real...
even though how much i wish, it's just a nightmare
and even though i still have the tendency to want to share the bits and pieces of my life with her, just like i used to sms her everyday, or, call her once in a while... ya, USED to...

and when i hold her in my hands now...
so small... a baby...
i know, most of the women do imagine and visualise themselves having a family, having children... but i rarely did that...
maybe it's simply unimaginable for me...
when i was about to give birth, a lot of people asked me, if i'm nervous, i told them this,
"i'm nervous, not about giving birth itself, but having a baby, a life that's so tiny, in front of me, in my arms... and i really can't imagine what i'm going to do with her"....
however, everything had happened, and everything had come real...
however... when i hold her in my arms, i sometimes, still can't believe, this is real...
as in.. choong's having a baby...
i never thought, choong & baby, can be in 1 space, 1 time, together...
ya, serious, i never thought about it...
and "choong" & "baby", somehow just sound funny when put together...
but whenever i have her in my arms, feel the warmth, hear her cry... feel her wiggling movement, saw her smile...
ya... it's real huh!!!
it's like a dream, that's so sweet... but in the end... it's actually real...

there're moments in my life...
i sometimes thought, it's just dream... it's all just dream...
however... i know... these are real events in A life that i'm living in now...

a DIGITAL world

I was doing my third photobook - the compilation of photos, when we're in Shanghai, China, in year 2004
while doing the photobook, I just realized, how little photos I have taken... regret, regret and tonnes of regret!! sigh...
.....................

The previous 2 photobooks, 1. Tokyo, 2. Melbourne
Tokyo - many photos, but when I was digging our own trip in year 2006 (went there with friends in year 2008) while doing the photobook, again, "why the photos taken were just so few??? why??????"
Melbourne - ok... good-enough number of photos for me to play with
.....................

Today, I received my China photobook... we're flipping through it
AND there were just soooooooooooooooo few pre-Shanghai's - ie. HongKong/Macau photos...
I was just sitting there, simply regretting... and even start to wonder why there're just so few photos for me to do photobook (ya, I'm kinda addicted to photobook in fact, simply love it)
suddenly... he realized first, and told me...
we've just got our digital camera when we're in HongKong, year 2004, Olympus Z-1
with a pathetic 128MB of memory card...

YA!!!!! DAMN PATHETIC, I'VE TO SAY!!!!!
when we went to Tokyo 2006, again, we went with this camera (though a good digital camera) with the 128MB memory... SIMPLY PATHETIC RIGHT?????
that's the super duper pathetic reason, why my tokyo photos during that time were just so few...
and now, I can recall the painful every single nights, after going around tokyo with the 128MB of space that we can store our pictures for that day, I've to go to the common area (we're staying in youth hostel) to try to fight for a PC and transfer the photos to my whatever drive that I have in hand...
again... another part of PATHETIC story... we only brought our super duper small flash drive - again 128MB (ya, that time, it's kinda big... my first flash drive by Omega) and LUCKILY I brought the 1GB iPOD Shuffle there and at least, I've 1GB extra to store... but serious... it's just... besides being sadly pathetic, I really don't know how to describe ourselves that time...
every night... I went to the common area, to transfer the pictures...

when we went to Australia... ya, we finally bought another 1GB memory card for our Olympus... FINALLY!!!
finally the camera has more space to grow... and capture more memory...
......................

in year 2008, we planned the tokyo trip with our friends...
as the Olympus that we've, while it's made (in year 2004, or earlier, I don't know the history) it's not made for bigger memory card... ie. it took hell-a-long time to startup...
"how to use this for travel??"
and since nowadays, we've much much more choice with much much more bigger capacity that we can have... sometimes, even for free...
we bought a casio exilim...
ya, it's something that I just couldn't get over with, when I saw his colleague using a casio exilim, which she could happily put it in a simple leather card holder, unlike our Olympus camera, which is much more thicker to fit in anything, besides its own brand's cover...
finally after awaiting for 2 years, I got an exilim...
........................
and this time we went to tokyo, fully prepared...
since I've "acquired" quite a couple of flash drives (with bigger capacity, for eg. 2GB, 4GB)
and since our exilim itself comes with 1GB memory too...
I was happily snapping away anything that we came into, when we're in Tokyo...
........................
like what my friend said, "aiya, if not nice, later can delete" (haha, she said that, while she's taking a photo of me - on my wedding day, ironically funny!)
like what my other friend said, "film is cheap, travel is expensive" (that's when we're still using the CANON "dummy" camera, with 24 / 36 frames of roll of negatives - can't remember how much each roll of film cost though) - now, it's rephrased to "travel is expensive, digital photos are almost FREE!!"
.........................

that's why~~~ I love technology...
it really has made our lives got much more convenient, better and better...
and look at me...
I'm taking photos of our new member in the house - baby, almost every day, at every few hours...
and neither he, nor me, can hardly find more than 10 photos of our BABY-TIME photos when we're at that age... (most commonly is that precious ONE photo at maybe 1 or 3 months, where our parents brought us to one of the local studio, put us on the chair, and SNAP!)
life...
time...
technology...
life...
hai...

AND I love technology... most importantly handphone is a camera...
simply~~ convenient~~