Sharing: The Fence… hurtful words are like nails!

There was a little boy with a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, to hammer a nail in the back fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence.

Then it gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.

The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence.

He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say 'I'm sorry', the wound is still there."

stacked houses...

Oh, not sure how it'll be like, if it'll be m'sian version, in fact, not a bad idea LE!!!

(top down: japan, netherland??, germany)

my balcony...

Soon to be like this… haha…

café...

I saw a photo just now.. (online, and I'm not going to show you, ^,^)

And that made me feel a bit "beh gam wan", (hokkien, means "not happy with the result", ok, I'm trying my best to translate, it may not be that exact!)

And that!! I pulled out one of my old photos, and photoscaped it!

There it is…

Sharing: Why People Remain Quiet, Shy, and Non-Assertive: The Benefits of Passive Behavior and Communication

by Joshua Uebergang aka "Tower of Power"

I use to suffer from severe passive behavior and communication. I would not say what I wanted, escape confrontation because it was uncomfortable, dodge responsibility because I could be blamed, and generally sidestepped who I truly was as a person. I compromised my character. People interacted with a mask of behavior that protected my vulnerable self.

Passiveness, otherwise known as submissiveness, is the opposite to aggression. Passiveness literally means detachment and acceptance. It is acted upon rather than acts on something. Passive communication involves “keeping under the radar”, “not sticking up for yourself”, saying yes when you really want to say no, and overly “selfless behaviors”. While it is different to being shy or quiet, shy or quiet individuals are often passive.

Amongst my reasons for passive behavior, is the benefits of passive behavior and communication, and why it is such a severe problem in families, the workplace, and human interactions. I want to share with you the deep reasons behind why people avoid “sticking up for themselves” and many other passive behaviors in this article. I believe once you understand this behavior, a powerful world is revealed before your eyes that would otherwise have remained hidden. Like all the communication secrets in my “Communication Secrets of Powerful People Program”, the things once hidden become visible to empower you to communicate powerfully with people.

Adults’ Contribution to Weak Behavior

Parents, teachers, and adults in general are partly responsible for passive behavior and communication in children. At a young age – and continually in life – adults condition passive individuals to continue their submissive behavior through verbal rewards. Passive individuals receive praise for their selfless actions, keeping quiet, and not voicing their concerns.

“Passiveness literally means detachment and acceptance. It is acted upon rather than acts on something.”

A bully steals a toy from a young girl who does nothing about it. An adult observing the girl tells her she is nice for not doing anything and making the bully angry. A student sits in the classroom, not answering any questions. The teacher at a parent-teacher interview says to the child’s parents that the child is nice and quiet. A young boy is asked what he wants for dinner, but his brothers and sisters interrupt him by saying what they want. The young boy then says, “I’m happy with what the others want” to which his parent praise him for compliance and selfless.

These three examples demonstrate how people are trained to continue passive behavior. Overtime, the person’s occasional passive behavior shapes into a stringent passive personality. Soon enough, the person doesn’t defend his space, participate, or state his desires. What appears “nice” transforms into a severe, habitual communication and behavioral problem that sucks the life from the person and his relationships. It’s no wonder many people struggle to learn assertive communication skills.

Behaviors in Conflict

Conflict contains several reasons for passive behavior and communication. Passive individuals avoid conflict by remaining quiet as they avoid expressing their point of view.

A failure to express their point of view occurs outside of conflict – it is frequent in conversations and social interactions. When they are asked what they’d like, where they want to go, or what they want to do, they passively respond: “I’m happy with whatever you want”. Rarely are they truly happy with what the other person wants. While they say “I’m happy with whatever you want”, the truth of the matter is their decision (or indecision) comes from a fear of disapproval.

“Passive individuals are praised for their selfless actions.”

Are You a “People-Pleaser”?

Virgina Satir, the mother of family therapy, coined the term “People-Pleaser” to describe individuals obsessed with making others happy. People-pleasers have toxic amounts of shame covered by being well-liked. They do this so others cannot see their defects.

Kelly Bryson over at Nonviolent Communication has a superb article to help people-pleasers that you can read here. (It is in pdf format so you need Adobe Acrobat to view the document.)

Another reason passive behavior is beneficial for people who disconnect themselves from conflict and conversations is blame-avoidance. A person that says, “I’m fine with anything you decide”, puts the final decision on somebody else. The passive person leaves the other person to select an option. When the option is undesirable, the passive person can readily and easily blame the decision-maker for their choice.

Yet another reason someone can behave passively and avoid conflict is their protection from others. Other people fight for the person, which often gets them what they want. Some people laugh, get angry, or ignore an aggressive person, but when someone cries, most people stop what they’re doing to give the crying person what they want to wipe away their tears. A habitual crier can be more manipulative than an aggressor.

See the Price of Nice to Breaks Its Vice

So far you have seen the beneficial reasons for passive behavior and communication. Up until now, it seems to be an attractive way of behaving. Fortunately, it is not because the behavior has many destructive outcomes. By learning the negatives of passive behavior, you can help yourself break free from submissiveness and become motivated to help other people assert themselves.

Common problems with passiveness include:

• Unsatisfying relationships. Passive individuals are detached from their communication and relationships. They are completely disengaged from intimacy. They avoid intimacy because their authentic self is protected with the “nice guy” or “nice girl” mask.
• Growth is thwarted. Passive individuals create an environment where authentic feedback is not given or received. To critique a “nice person” makes the criticizer a guilt-ridden, bad person. Similarly, the nice person does not give feedback to other people, which limits their growth.
• Induces shame in others. Nice guys and girls manipulate others with guilt and shame. They avoid responsibility and giving feedback, making others feel shameful for their feelings towards the nice person. For example, the would-be receiver of a nice person’s feedback feels angry for not getting feedback then becomes shameful for feeling angry at the nice person. (The person is nice after all and it’s wrong to be mad at nice people.)
• Others get irritated. A guy, for example, forgoes his needs by molding himself into his lover’s ideal image. He thinks focusing on his partner is the relationship-healthy thing to do. The passive individual overtime, however, frustrates his partner with high compliance. His overt agreeableness leads to pity and irritation. It’s frustrating to be with someone who does not tell you what he or she feels or wants.
• Selfishness. Selflessness is selfish because the “selfless person” doesn’t have the capacity to act beyond oneself. It may sound contradictory to passive behavior, but the passive individual who lets others have their way robs oneself of happiness and love. The person is unable to love others because he or she holds resentment and frustration against those the person is selfless towards. People who give up their own lives to be loved by someone are often shocked when they discover the other person dislikes them for their plasticity approach to life.
• Volcanic build up of resentment. Forgo your own needs, avoid voicing your concerns, do not talk about yourself, and dodge confrontation – that’s a potent recipe for a life filled with resentment. All that pressure inside of you cannot remain hidden. Emotional eruptions eventually burst forth as seen in passive-aggressive behavior.
• Passive-aggressive behavior. I’ve heard marriage counselors incorrectly refer to passive-aggressive behavior as passive behavior, but behaviors like resentment and secret sabotaging can manifest from passiveness. Passive-aggressive behaviors include sarcasm, lying, and blaming. These behaviors are often expressed in sporadic outbursts to temporarily release the frustration of bottled emotions. Passive individuals are prone to flares of aggression. Momentary aggressive outbursts can occur because suppressed emotions suddenly gush to the surface. When I was overly passive, sarcasm was my common way of releasing anger from an inability to assert myself and express my feelings.
• Lack of emotional control. This is another paradoxical effect of passive behavior. Passive individuals think they manage their emotions through suppression, but the opposite results. Suppressed anger shows in many ways more harmful than if the person dealt with the emotion upfront. Suicide is the ultimate outcome of emotional suppression.

“Passive individuals are prone to flares of aggression. Momentary aggressive outbursts often occur because the person’s suppressed emotions suddenly erupt, gushing to the surface.”

As you can see, there are many negative outcomes for passive behavior. While it can feel like an attractive behavior, it is very destructive for relationships and makes the passive person miserable. Passive behavior like aggression creates a win-loss or loss-loss outcome.

original article:

http://www.towerofpower.com.au/why-people-remain-quiet-shy-and-non-assertive-the-benefits-of-passive-behavior-and-communication

Walk(s) to Remember~~ (Part II)

I've mentioned before, about walks that I do, and still remember, while we travelled…

Again, I suddenly thought about these walks, into more details…

I enjoy, very much, of walks, in this type of big city suburbs, if not city centre, now, I remember the suburb walks, around our neighbourhood, where we stayed…

In fact, deep down, it could really really really be the after-effect of me reading too much of those HK writers work… (use your imagination) during my younger years…

Big city, night, high rise, and walks… don't these all, just resemble the typical life in places like HK??

And these elements sat in me, for that many years, till my first out-of-country trip, ie. london…

There, I now remember,

I enjoyed the walk, so much, around where I first stayed, ie. evelyn garden, and the nearby neighbourhood, fulham road, and further, king's road, towards the river thames…

(oops, suddenly I think of The Ting Tings' "we walk", haha!)

Each time when I was walking around these area, besides the neighbourhood life, the souls on the streets, in the restaurants, in the parks…

What I liked to see most (I still do) is.. If I do walk pass those flats with basement, and if the basement is lit, I like to take a look, not that I wanted to be a peeping tom, but what I wanted to see, is how these people set up their home… (ya, it linked to my "passion" about looking at apartmenttherapy.com)

I like to see, in reality, how people put their sofa,

If they're dining happily, or they're relaxing in front of the TV…

Ya, in a way, I do look into people's life, but not their dark secret that I'm seeking for, I hate knowing people dark secret, it's not because I'm such a proper person, it's just that, it's very very uncomfortable to know about people's dark secret, cos, you can't say it, and you've to keep this type of secret with you, to the grave, it's just not, enjoyable!!! (so, please do not happily and convenient share your dark secret with me, though, I really can keep it very well!! You don’t know LEH?? ^_^)

Back to the topic…

Yep…

I like to see other people life, especially those living happily, cosily, and ambitiously…

It's like…

"ooh, my life's been like this, and there's another type of life, totally different, just behind that door, just behind the house",

You remember the story of the little match girl??

Ya, something like this… of course I do not want to be the little match girl, but then… just to illustrate the "visualization", if you do read one of its illustrated book, it's just something like the little match girl, when she looked into the window…

… looking at a life, that she'll never live…

And that… I remember our night walk around essendon, melbourne, another lovely place… well, technically it's not that lovely, but it's the person I'm with, the season, the mood, that makes the whole thing, lovely… ^_^,

Around where we stayed, mt. alexander road junction with keilor road, there's a park, just next to our apartment, every night, after dinner, we went for a walk, round the park…

AND there's a reason, why I'm "attached" to where we stay now, I mean here, in this country… just next to our condo, in fact, in front, there's a park, similar size to the one in essendon, and it's well-maintained… everybody, old people to small kids, men and women, uses this park happily, and conveniently, I mean, the park, HERE!!!!! And yes, it reminds me of the park in essendon,

If one day, m'sian weather can be as lovely as those colder countries… (I pray very hard for that!!... Oops, suddenly I realize, I'm like a weather girl, cos, I tweet so much about the bloody hot weather, so much!) then, the place that I'm staying will be just PERFECT!!

Anyway… back to the topic again,

So, besides walking around the park, sometimes, we walked up the keilor road, to buy KFC, or, we walked down the mt. alexander road, junction with leake st., to take a bit in max café… simply… lovely!!

Oh!! I do miss those "walks in the neighbourhood" type of walks…

See see!!! I rarely talk about any walk in shanghai right?? Or HK?? (though my "fundamental's mostly affected by HK story style…)

Cos, in shanghai, we took taxi most of the time, and there no decent park, just next to where we stayed, same thing goes to HK, where we stayed, near honghum, is basically the kowloon main train station…

However, shanghai, I do miss those night walks around xintiandi, (especially with our friends who came visit us, took photos, different cameras, different angles, different lighting, same place, that's what I mean!) and also, the 1-time walk around fuxing park, plus fuxing middle road, around The Face(Rui Jin Hotel) and Maoming Nan Road…, I wish we'd better camera back then, WITH BIGGER MEMORY CARD, and I wish, we'd the "wisdom" to explore more, and more detailed around that area back then… (travel's not for fun, need experience too!! Haha!), and I wish, we did make a point to go to this Duo Lun Road (Famous Cultural Person St.) which is full of art galleries… (oh no!! Not that I'm an arty person, I just like to pretend that I am… but I enjoy the silence in any museum, ^_^)

But luckily, we frequented xintiandi, many times… kekeke…

That's about shanghai…

Then, it's tokyo…

First trip, I remember the quiet neighbourhood around the kogetsu ryokan we stayed, and though he's fallen asleep very early, cos he's damn tired, due to his back injury and kinki kids concert, I took my hot bath, open concept japanese bath, but I've the whole place for myself, wore the yutaka, even though it's winter, I felt warm, inside out, lovely!!

Then, we moved to khaosan tokyo, (those walk, really a lot of walk, around this khaosan tokyo, nothing specific to mention, or to recall..)

THEN, we moved again, to khaosan annex, across the sumida river..

It's fair bit of walk, from the asakusa metro station, walk, cross the komagata bridge, walk again, about 4 blocks away, there's khaosan annex…

Ooh… I actually enjoyed the part, not asakusa, but the quiet neighbourhood, though very few souls on the street, around khaosan annex…

Especially while we're there, it's winter, sometimes, at night, after a hot shower, we'd come back up again, just to go back to the busy asakusa area, to have ramen supper, then, to buy some japanese beer, to go back to the hostel room, drink, to warm ourselves up, cos, we happened to get a bigger room, bigger space, next to the window, ya, damn cold!

Next is,

Our second trip to tokyo…

Sometimes if we miss the shuttle bus from meguro station to the hotel (sheraton miyako) we'll take a walk from shirokanedai metro station, straight up the meguro road, to the hotel…

Again, it's quiet and peaceful neighbourhood,

Pass by a few convenient stores, big and small,

Normally we'll stop by one of them, get some snack, get the breakfast for the next day, and get some mineral water…

We walked pass some small neighbourhood park, and I remember there's one, mm… like community centre, I'm not sure, but it feels like one, cos, late at night, I thought I can hear cheery voices from children, it sounds like they're having some activities, maybe some training, or maybe some games, or maybe some club event, or maybe some classes, well… I don't know, just my imagination… remember the little match girl story?? Again, it feels something like that, "ooh… there're other lives, all different, behind the wall, behind the door…"

…

…

…

Back here? In this place?? If I need to, maybe I can make up one "walk" tale…

But well… it's EARLY IN THE MORNING NOW!! I've gotta go to bed…

See if I recall anything later, maybe I'll update… ^_^, ja!

Memory, in print...

One of my online contact mentioned that, photoshopping (PS) your photograph is like putting up makeup on a person, ie. to make it looks nicer, and prettier…

Ok, since I'm not so a person who's into makeup, cosmetic and so on, (I do not want to be harsh in using the word "against" ^_^)

I therefore, do not agree with what she's stated…

Anyway, not that it concerns anybody…

And also, therefore, I do not really believe in PS-ing your photographs, ok, minimal, maybe, but just not overdoing it…

However, lately,

I start to believe in PS-ing your photographs…

Still not the over-do type, (well, to me, it's not an overdo!)

All because of 1 person,

I love her photography, absolutely…

Very very very very very love!!!

Gabriel Kai,

I love her photosets… simply lovely…

If you look further into her photographs collection, all of them are about the same theme…

Maybe you still think it's very heavy PS… ya, maybe I used to think of it that way too,

However, looking at her works lately…

I feel like, it's looking into one's memory, looking into what one sees…, and what's left in one's mind… maybe forever… maybe for a few years…

I've always thought that, the way a person takes photo, is, basically the way, a person sees the world…

That's my belief… our camera represents our eyes, what we see, we store in our memory, what we snap, it's stored in the memory card,

And therefore, same place, same object, same person, but different people come and snap a picture, the picture will look different…

That's why, I love seeing photos my friends take… cos, if eyes can't lie, well… to a certain extent (unless you heavily PS your photos) photos can't lie too…

It tells me, what my friends really see, or truly see, when they travel to a place…

That's my perception, about photos… which, maybe it's common sense, however… forgive me for putting it in such lengthy and maybe… confusing paragraph… ^_^

BUT, with Gabriel Kai,

I love the way she "sees" things, and people, and sceneries…

And I love the way she presents these works… it feels… close!!

Close to our hearts, or, at least, my heart…

It just like, these are the things that stay long ago, in our memory, which, sometimes, we've forgotten,

We've forgotten that,

Life's is so simple, yet beautiful…

Browsing through her photos, don’t you think so???

I'm slow… @_@

Ya… in some aspect, I'm slow…

I was looking at my baby while she's asleep… and again, I sometimes, can't help but to feel like…

Gosh!! I'm having a baby… arrgh… I know you've "seen" me saying this many time, but like I said, I'm slow…

Maybe I'm still my very own lala land most of the time, and one blink… ooi? Back in reality, oh, I'm a mother now, having a baby, fulltime mother, fulltime housewife…

And this baby's growing bigger and bigger, stronger and stronger everyday,

Who's this baby in front of me???

Ooh?? My baby!!!!!

Sometimes, it feels like twilight zone…

Same thing…

I still, sometimes… forget that my mother's gone… forever… the keyword, "forever"…

Sometimes, or rather, most of the time, in the day, I'm happy…

Sometimes, late at night, blink, back to reality, I recall the phonecall from my brother, I was dying my hair, preparing for the photoshooting for the company I once worked with (ah che!! ^_^), waiting for it to dry…,

Then, the phonecall came, which turned our world upside down, and life's never the same…

Most of the time, I do not remember, or, I do not think of this… who wants to think of it??

But, blink… a little event, may just trigger and reminds me, "hey! Mama's gone forever now!! No more! No more there!"

Again, it feels like twilight zone!!

… and maybe… I do live in 2 worlds… 2 parallel worlds…

1 world with me, normal pace… maybe just me alone…

1 world with all the reality kicks in… sad and happy, bad and good… mother no more, baby in front of me…

And where am I now, I wonder… maybe… in between the worlds...

The Kuching Guy

“Happiness is the longing for repetition.” ~ Milan Kundera

Yep… the key word here is "longing"…

I just realized that, I've not been really sitting down to watch my favourite shows, be it all the CSIs, or Criminal Minds, or 24…

Not just that…

Most importantly, I've not been really feeling LONGING to do something, which, in this case, WATCHING MY FAVOURITE SHOWS…

Yes, I do have loads, as in really loooooooooaaaaaaaaaaads of japanese drama in my HDD… but then, they're in my HDD, I can watch anytime…

Suddenly, last night (ok, technicallly 2 nights ago) I felt it again…

I actually made it a point, to on the TV@0400, yep, to catch the replay of ahem… in fact, I'm a bit "pai-seh" to mention this… cos, it's simply too… KIDDISH!!!!

Yep, to watch the new taiwanese series, Astro calls it, "Woody Sanbao", ie. 無敵珊寶妹

Cos, baby wouldn't let me watch in the afternoon, ie. #1530, Mon-Wed…

(oops, meaning today, there'll be no-show! *_*)

And that… yep, I finally realized, I've not been really "chasing" any drama series on TV for so long…

First it's baby,

Second, it's because I've been spending too much time in front of my PC, ok, if it's for blogging, twitting, or editing my photos, or do something "constructive", then, I don't mind… but then, sometimes, I'll just do something for the sake of staying there just for a little bit longer.. (for don't-know-what reason… just don't know!) and that I'll end up playing facebook games, looking for stuff to look for… get what I mean?? Yep, exactly looking for stuff to look for… ie. I'll simply browse around the internet, to see if there's anything interesting… then, I'll start digging into the topic… and yes, I thought, I'd learn something from it… yes, I do, but most of the time, all these are unnecessary… but then, I don't feel like plugging my earphones into my ears and start watching the drama series that've been sitting in my HDD, and ARE PILING UP!!! (ie. need more HDD LO!!)

For one reason… cos, whenever I'm out here in the living room, surfing the net, I've been "trained" to always keep an EAR to pick up, if there's, noise made by baby… ie. she's crying for me, or, she's crying for comfort, or she's crying for milk… (and that's also the reason, why I need the place I'm in, right now, to be of absolute quietness!! Ie. left only one desktop fan running, underneath my table!)..

As simple as… as I'm a mother now, I need to put my "antenna" uptight, and keep its sensitivity, to see if my baby's calling for me…

Therefore, I'm pretty reluctant to watch any of the dramas… (then, when will I have time to watch?? I wish I can figure it out!) and another bad habit of mine, if I start to watch, I'll prefer not to be interrupted…

UNLESS~~ it's on TV… cos, I can't pause the astro…

And just yesterday, (I mean 2 nights ago!) since I made an effort to do so, ie. to catch the show…

I realized that,

Watching shows… is something that I'm longing for…

And playing games, is something that, I made myself to HAVE TO play… just for the reasons stated above… BUT, it's not something that, I'm longing for… ie. no happiness?? Well… you can do the maths yourself, ^_^…

Playing games, yep, it's not out of happiness.. I know… it's due to "kiasuness"…

As I've mentioned before… I play, for the score, and all the fb games, your contacts/neighbours are listed at the bottom, ie. that shows you, who's at a more advanced stage…

Which~~ makes me want to play more and more, just to get to the "top" of the list… see???

However, deep down, it's just some clicking jobs to me, oh, maybe some scrolling…

Anyway…

Like I've said, it's not something that I'm longing for…

Of course, from time to time, I'll still try out some new games, without hesitation, yep, just like I used to repeatedly install/uninstall new software on my PC… yep, I like to try out new piece of "technology"…

And I've been following insidesocialgames.com, which HAPPILY AND CONVENIENTLY list out all the new and interesting games, with screenshots, and detailed analysis… ADOI!! How to resist? Right?? That's why, I'm still PLAYING GAMES, per se!!!

Oh, in fact, I did not want do talk about games so much…

I wanted to talk about THE kuching guy, yep, that's how I refer to, whenever I talk to him,

The kuching guy… ie. nicholas teo…

Like I said, I'm pretty "pai-seh" to mention that, I actually like him… haha…

Mainly it's because of his smile…

See see see~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!

AND~~~ everytime, when I see him, I can't stop to think, "wow!! From kuching!! Kuching also can produce such "en-dao" guy!! Gosh!!", yep… frankly, in m'sia, you may find quite a bit of successful showbiz figures, but then, nope… nobody's as goodlooking as he is… and oops… again, "pai-seh"… ya, to me… he's considered… GOOD LOOKING!!

^_^

Since then… I've made a decision, as what I've tweeted… kekeke…

I'll update the result, after 1 week…

Else.. You'll see me actively sending out invitation/gifts, from fb games.. ^_^

and now, I love Kiwi, ^_^

I Love Nescafe… (ah che… from a person who's been drinking combywide white coffee~~)

Yep… after seeing Osawa Takao in this series of Nescafe's calender… I wanna drink Nescafe too… kekeke...

Landed property, a phobia??

Again, it's one of those midnight thought and midnight talk…

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I still can hear bike, or any vehicle vrooming past our place… imagine the the altitude that I'm living in?

I can hear them clearly…

And that one night, I suddenly recall, one of the events happened back in my hometown, while I was a teenager… (gosh!! I sound damn old, but I am…)

That… kinda give me a hint, why, deep down in me, I don't like landed property…

Before my parents moved to the current double-storey link house that they're staying in now… we stayed in one of those modified "townhouse", ie. a split unit, ie. 2-storeys, we get contractor to come in, modified ie. the lower unit and the upper unit have their own individual entrance and we took the upper unit…

We moved there, I mean, the older house, while I was twelve, after moving there, only I started to pick up cycling…, till I broke my front tooth…

Oops, anyway, detoured, that's not what I wanted to talk about…

Then, I came to KL to study…

One of the holidays while I was back, as usual, I stayed up late…

I stayed up late, ie. probably up the whole night, till dawn, then, only I went to bed, a DAMN BAD HABIT, started since zillion years ago, which I already can't recall, how it started… probably it started when I learnt how to "cook phone porridge" with my classmates… (imagine that? We met each other in school, everyday, but yet, we can yak and yak on the phone till late at night!! Till my father complained about the phone billl!)

And probably it also started when I listen to all the canto-pop… on my first walkman, of course, sony!!

I guess, that's how I started my "night life"…

That holiday, as usual, I stayed up late, luckily I stayed up late…

Then, I heard something "tiptoeing" on the roof top of the car porch at the front of my house, when I heard the sound, I thought it's one of those cats… they played on that roof top everyday, so, I didn't bother…

But somehow… I got up from the sofa, had a break from my music night,

And I looked into our room, the room I shared with my brother…

I saw a figure at the window, a man, managed to opened the closed-window, which we didn't latch, and tried to climb into our room…

Half of his body was already in, ie. one of his leg, and my auto-response, I shouted…

I'm grateful that, I'm born with loud voice, though a lot of people complained (for fun), and though, my loud voice sometimes did frighten little baby when I carry her… ^_^

I shouted, he's terrified, and ran away…

On his way "down", he actually broke one part of the rooftop fo the car porch…

The next day only we found out, he actually tried to break into the unit downstairs, but maybe he didn't make it, and that, he climb to our floor, and try to come in!

Luckily, nobody was hurt, and he's petty enough to be scared by my loud voice! Unlike the thieves nowadays…

Even till today…

You can categorise me as someone who's feeling damn insecure in actual fact…

Even till today, though we're staying in a condominium, whenever I'm alone (now, alone with a baby) I'm still not 100% worry-free…

At time, when I hear sound, it can be any sound, I'll just get up and check the front door, check the back door… though I know, most people will tell me, it's almost 100% safe, but I don't feel secured indeed…

THAT is the very WHY, I actually am very much, against the fact that I've to stay in a landed property…

I know, it's a phobia in me, and I know it's the insecure feeling in me…

But then, who can guarantee???

Back in year 2005, (if I've not remembered wrongly)

While I was back here alone, while he's working faraway…

My direct neighbour got broken-in,

Of course, not to mention their loss…

But it's the loss of the secure feeling that's most important…

Who can tell me, is there any corner of this world's secure nowadays??

No!!!

Sad, but true!

Change of Taste

See the cartoon bedsheet?

 

Haha, for once our bedsheet's changed from plain to cartoony… long time I've never had cartoony bedsheet, notice the black colour pillow on the left?? Ya, that's my sonic the hedgehog pillow case, that came with the bedsheet set, which I got it when I was in london… looooooooooooong time ago, now you know what junks I shipped back from there right??

When I decided to buy the cartoon (any cartoon) bedsheet set for our bed, I hesitated for a split second, come on!! So childish, so no taste…, well, don’t equate childish with "no taste" please… but you know what I mean??

Cos, adult's bed normally won't look like this, and,

If since I've been looking at apartmenttherapy.com, and you know that, this is faaaaaaaaaaaaaaar from being part of them… @_@

But then, since I'm putting up this pics, therefore you will also be able to guess that, yes, baby's sleeping with us…

(ok from many of the other photos that I've uploaded, if you do look at them! You'll see this bedsheet too, I guess…)

Baby's sleeping with us, and normally when she gets up in the morning, (or, near noon) she likes to point at things, and asks us, "what's that??" of course, in her baby language, and of course, we're just guessing, that's her intention…

Nevertheless…

That's my intention in picking up some bedsheet that'll be more appealing to her…

Cos, she likes to grab her bolster, see little white bolster with prints on the left?? And point at the lion, the cow, the chicken, and asks, "what's this?"

I once, saw it online, of a bedsheet, a very cute one, for baby,

It looks like there's one dart board in the centre, no, it's not the dart board,

It's for measuring the LENGTH of the baby, while baby's sleeping, isn't that cute??

Not that I can get one locally, maybe I can find one online, but the point is…

When you're a kid, or a baby at home, your house will be faraway from being the model for anything like apartmenttherapy's style…

As far as I want to achieve it,

It seems like, starting from our bedroom, we're getting further and further away from it…

Phew…

Ironic, isn't it? Life is…

But then again,

I'm not complaining here..

I guess, instead of sleeping in a role-modelly bedroom, without her,

Then, I'll rather have her, in our bedroom, in our life… maybe a bit messy…

Does it matter?

Faith

The other day, I was trying to explain to "somebody" about having faith…

Well, I failed..

Then, I thought of writing something about it, obviously I can't… ^_^

Anyway…

Just to make my life simpler..

There you go,

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1)

And from Mother Teresa,

Little things are indeed little, but to be faithful in little things is a great thing.

A sacrifice to be real must cost, must hurt, must empty ourselves. The fruit of silence is prayer, the fruit of prayer is faith, the fruit of faith is love, the fruit of love is service, the fruit of service is peace.

^_^

A Dinner @ Jyuraku, An "ang mor" who came looking for Jason

That's how my imagination work:

Just the other day, while we're having dinner @ jyuraku…

One "ang mor" (mat salleh, caucasian guy!!) came in, and looked for a guy named jason…

We're sittting near the entrance, our favourite seats, at the bar counter.. Ya, opened, but yet private!

This ang mor was then, asked to sit at the waiting area, and wait for the supposed Jason to appear, which, the waitress there, thought, is one of the chef there…

Then, when, a guy came in, waitress told him, oh, so, he's Jason, and this "Jason" paused, looked at the ang mor, and talked to him…

APPARENTLY again, this Jason's not the Jason that ang mor's looking for…

So, ang mor left…

Simple event right??

Well… not so for me, while the ang mor's waiting there, I kept looking at him, ie. checking on him from time to time, it’s not that he's very handsome or super ugly!!

Later, after the dinner, I asked him, what he thinks…

He said, maybe "Jason" and ang mor are gay partner!!

Haha, how simple!

My "interpretation"??

Ooh… see, we're sitting just next to the waiting area, ie. at the door…

When the ang mor came, he looked humble, in fact, he's not bad looking, but that's not the point…

He looked humble, a bit too humble, and what more to say, this jyuraku's not like rakuzen, ie. the hippy place, it's more for family, and old people, IN people go to rakuzen, or other places, but not jyuraku, another thing is, this area's not like downtown, it's full of japanese, but not so for ang mor!!

So, why does an ang mor suddenly appear in this area, and in this restaurant??

I do wonder..

To him, I mean, him, ang mor looks like a gay…

But to me, he looks more like… the purpose he's here, is for $$$..

When the waitress suggested him to sit there and wait for Jason, he HUMBLY sat down, and waited quietly, ya, so near to me…

If you've watched, many years ago, 1993, Michael Douglas' Falling Down, you'll know what I mean… ^_^

See… since the economy turned back, I've seen ang mor attending our gov. tender, representing small companies, bla bla bla… I hate to spell it out, but then, somehow, there're a bunch of them, who're affected, and yes, I'm sympathetic towards them…

And that's why, when an ang mor, suddenly appeared in this neighbourhood, in this restaurant… I felt a little bit strange about it, and like I said, he looked like, he's here for $$$, either to try to borrow from Jason, or to ask Jason to return his debt…

Yep, that's what I imagined..

And just like "Falling Down", what if?? What if he can't find Jason, and what if Jason doesn’t have the money and he suddenly went crazy??

Again, since there're so many gun-shooting cases in US… who knows?

Will he be pulling a gun out, or TRY TO HOLD SOMEBODY RANSOM??

Oh no!! My baby's easy target, or, WE WERE easy target…

That's why, I kept staring at him, oh, checking on him, in case, he'd really be showing faces of desperado…

But phew… luckily, none of those that I've imagined… happened!!!

See!! Sigh… that's why, I've so many "unnecessary" worries!!!

I'm a "junkie" afterall… ~_~

Wa hahahahahahaha…

I know what that word means, and I know how it's normally used… wa hahahahahahaha…

Nah…

I was just thinking, the other day, how much "rubbish" I've gathered all these years…

I know I know…

And a lot of my friends also know that, I do have MANY THINGS, to a shocking manner…

Anyway, I'm not going to go into details…

See my stuff from my childhood time, a lot!!

Then, I went for a-level, 2 years in KL, a lot!!

(my definition of "a lot" is, for some reason, at the end of the "course", my belonging's always double/triple my peers'!!!)

Then, I went to UK, 3 years, a lot!! (people have 2 boxes to ship back, I've 4)

Then, we started work in KL… moved zillion time… (ok, maybe 5-6 times, from mini to major  moves)

2 major moves, which I considered major, as in, it's from own house --> own house, ie. bigger…

And since it's "own house", we tend to buy quite a bit of stuff, cos, it's "own house", ie. we deco, we addon and on and on…

That already makes me a "junkie"…

Then, I looked at my digital collection,

Gosh!! Also damn a lot fo them, and therefore, again, friends who know me know that, I have many external HDD, from powered HDD to portable USB HDD… kekekeke… again, I'm not going to share into details, how many of them I own…

The point is,

I'm a junkie, afterall…

You know??

Those people who keep trash… ^_^

Ok ok… maybe to you, it's trashable, but to me, it's never…

From time to time, I'll somehow find a way to use it…

Even though it can be in the cold storage for >5 years, for eg. That day, I just pulled out my spill-proof, flexi keyboard, after baby spoilt my other one…

See!!!

Those items are still useful ok!!!~~~~~

Wok Spade Work Space (pure blabbering!)

I don't know what it's called, chinese calls it "wok chan" in cantonese,

Wok is wok,

"chan", is spade, directly translated…

Maybe I should go check out on ikea catalogue, but anyway…

I've 3 wokspades altogether, 2 wooden, and 1, nylon, which I've just bought it from ikea, about a month ago…

I started off using wooden ones, the first one, damn straight, I mean, the "design" of the spade itself, is straight up down… and the cross-section's round,

Then I found it a bit not so ergonomical to use…

So, I went to look for another one, from parkson… apparently parkson grand does have some good and decent "japanese" style wooden ladles...

And this time, the wokspade's some curve, wooden… good to use!!!

However, after using for a period of time, I felt a bit "sien" using wooden stuff, so, I thought I want to change to nylon-made wokspade… just happened that, the other day, we went to ikano, for haircut, for ikea, and I saw the latest ikea kitchen utensils collection, and I got myself one…

The only problem using nylon-made cooking utensils is that…

Though it says that, the thing can withstand temperature up to 200 deg., but I won't want to try it… therefore, while cooking, I'll always take it out and rest it on a mini saucer, as compared to the wooden ones, I'll just leave them in the wok… kekeke… how convenient huh!!

Why I wanted to change to something nylon (but not stainless steal, cos, my wok's non-stick) is that, while stir-frying, the nylon one gives me more feel of stir-frying, as it's "thinner" at the edge, as compared to the wooden one, which is so much thicker, and I felt like I was just stirring, ya, real stir and fry, rather than the chinese style… which you feel like you're a real chef!!!

Haha…

Anyway, I should be tweeting these instead of blogging about it, however, it's a little bit too long to blab… therefore, I blog...