How many time we've "accidentally" cheated on our family? Our closed ones? I guess, uncountable..
Well, frankly, I don't like to be 'cheated' ^_^, don’t get me wrong, I'm not going to talk about anything juicy…
In fact, I'm going to talk about parenting… (though I'm no expert in this topic)
Out of a sudden, something crossed my mind this evening…
Gosh, I've even kinda "suggested" a friend to cheat… ie. suggested him to let the son skip school and bring him for movies, and don’t let the wife know…
Does it sounds familiar??
I mean, parent(either husband or wife) or grandparents, let or, bring the kid do something that's not so likeable, or allowed by the kid's parents…
The thing is, and the problem is, we actually kinda feel PROUD OF IT…
As parents now, I'm sure, there're reasons, why we do not allow our kids to do certain things, or go to certain places…
I admit, maybe we're just being paranoid, or over-concern…
And when this paranoia gets out of hands… the baby/kid's caretakers may start to do funny things… for eg. Do it without letting the parents know…
MAYBE IT'S TO PROVE THAT, THEY'RE RIGHT, THE PARENTS ARE WRONG!! (especially.. I bet you know what I'm referring to, yes… our parents, and us, 2 generations, 2 different types of mentality, and 2 sets of thinking, BATTLING OVER THE KID)
Well, I don't know…
Cos, vice versa, sometimes, the parents may not want to agree to whatever the caretakers' practice, maybe because of the same reason too…
However, sometimes, I step back and think… what's there to prove? In the end, the kid's the suffering one, cos, he becomes the battlefield, of 2 generation, scary huh? But most of the time, it's the parents who'll have to surrender, as, being the kid's parents, you know very clearly that, you do not want your child being the battlefield…
BUT, sometimes, you can't help to feel cheated, especially when the caretaker (just like what I've suggested to my friend - skip school, go watch movie, slap me please!! What a horrible idea I've had!!)
Bring your kids around without you knowing and especially doing things that you're not so keen to let your kid experiences it yet!!
What's the underlying scare?? (maybe I'm paranoid)
This means, your kid is being taught about,
CHEATING, AND most of the time, comes with BRIBING…!!!
"I let you eat this, you don't tell your parents, else, no more!!" (familiar?) - that's cheating + bribing
"I bring you there to play, don’t let your parents know, else, I can't bring you there anymore!" - again, cheating + bribing…
When I thought about this, I was having cold-sweat, serious!!!
Meaning, without us (as parents) knowing about this, our kids are exposed to many cheating and bribing acts…
(ya, you may tell me, the caretakers don't mean it, however, kids, will not be able to differentiate between evil lies, and white lies, afterall…. THEY'RE ALL LIES, RIGHT?)
In a way, I'm glad that, I'm taking care of my own baby, however, what gives me this 'cold sweat' is also…
I do, sometimes… though, from what I can recall, I have not done it yet, but knowing myself well, I know, I do have the potential of doing it, ie. I may one day, tell baby, "let's not tell papa" - THAT'S CHEATING!!
(to me, anything you do, and not want to tell, is cheating, however, there're something that you see, or hear, or experience, but due to love, or the worry that, he/she may feel hurt, and you choose not to tell, yes, it's cheating too, but forgiveable… HOWEVER, KIDS WILL NOT BE ABLE TO DIFFERENTIATE, RIGHT? So, don't do it!)
Cos, even at these days, sometimes, without any bad motive, I'll tell baby, "baby baby, call papa, then papa will buy you everything you want!"
Bad huh!!?? ^_^ that's call manipulating, and a little bit of bribing…
WHICH, I shall stop doing it…
AND!!
Speaking of which… I've been following the mediacorp series "by my side" which I've mentioned in my previous posting,
… today's the 4th episode, where the guy, have found out that, he's got AIDS…
Looking at his working environment - which he's a colleague who, on regular basis, goes to Geylang for his 'entertainment', and he seems to be super proud of it..
The worse thing is,
He expects his colleagues, to help cover up for him, when dealing with his wife,
That's the thing…
Now my question to all men, or almost all men! (well, I can't generalize right? Unlike jackie chan, he's most disliked/despised by most GOOD MEN, and most women, for his infamous speech, when he's finally caught and proven to have cheated on his wife, "I've made a mistake, which EVERY MAN will make!"… ie. he's generalized that, every man cheats! Since then, he's kinda banned in Taiwan… (though, I've to say, almost all taiwanese men cheat!! I'm not generalizing, but there, in taiwan, is a society full of MCP)
Oh, back to my question,
Why men usually help their 'friends' who cheat on their wives?
Simply because you're friends? (which I thought true friends, should bother to guide him back to be a good husband, a responsibility husband, rather than help to cheat, and thus, encourage the wrong-doing!)
Or, the underlying deadly message is,
You want to do it, but you do not dare, and you do not think that, cheating on wife is THAT wrong, or, it's kinda acceptable??
Well, I've to tell you, most women, if they find their fellow girlfriend cheats on her husband, we'll despise her, or at least, try to advise, and stop her…
Why??
I guess, there's a difference,
Men, try to cheat, and cover up, and their friends (men) will help, is because, they do not want to face the reality, they'd rather "have dessert", and still keeping the "main course", without facing confrontation, I guess, men do not like confrontation, and they hate the tiny little bit to tackle all the procedures and lengthy documentation if there's going to be a divorce!!
OR, SIMPLY, THEY DO NOT WANT TO PAY THE ALIMONY!
(yak!! How cheap!!)
Women, usually don't bother about dessert + maincourse, the moment we decide to cheat, that very moment… we've decided to say "bye" to dear husband!!
But I lately, I guess, the world's changing…
^_^
Maybe after "suffering" in this MCP world (mostly)…
There're a group of women, who've decided to behave just like Men,
Ie. keeping the dessert AND the maincourse altogether…
Watch "desperate housewives", "lipstick jungle"~~
(not my favourite, still prefer crimes, maybe in my imaginative world, I wish, I'm a detective… grin!)
Anyway, back to my point..
I do, and I've to constantly remind myself,
Not to implant this sort of behaviour in my baby, ie. cheating and taking bribes…
I've been grateful to the arrival of her, frankly, and have been saying thanks, to God, almost every day, every hour…
Having her, kinda make me want to be right, those 'right' that, I knew, but didn't bother…
For eg., (I know you may despise me because of what I've done)
I "used to" take those airline's thingy… blankets, cutleries, etc.,
And I "used to" go to IKEA (blaming on the fact that they never send me their updated catalogue) to take their sample catalogue…
But I can't do these anymore…
Cos, baby, at her age, will not be able to differentiate between what I used to do, and 'stealing', and frankly, I can't explain anything to her, cos, it IS stealing… forgive me, MAS, SIA, IKEA!! Will you?
And, he/I used to take this little short cut in our condo driveway (it's really a damn sensible way to drive in that direction) but lately, he said, he's to follow the 'correct' direction (which is a damn not sensible way) to our parking lot… why? Cos, he's "confronted" by our neighbourhood's kids one day, "uncle, why did you not drive that way? this way is against the traffic!", well… it's just NOT EASY for us to explain to them, why we do what we do, so, just don't do…
So, for my baby's sake, I've gotta correct myself first, and hopefully others will correct themselves too… for a baby's sake, a baby, as pure as a piece of white paper… kakaka!!
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