she wants to sleep without me???

Ya, seems like it's been a loooooooooooong time I've not talked about baby in this blog, ie. english… mostly in my chinese blog… ^_^

Anyway,

Since I'm lazy to type/think in chinese, so, I must as well…

Just now,

She said that, she wants to sleep in the sofa, settled herself in, with my towel as her blanket, surrounded herself with all her soft toys, (gifts from friends mostly)

She tucked herself in nicely…

So, I was thinking, hm… if she can fall asleep on her own, that'll be a good change, for both of us, (ya, in a way)

I told her, I'll be going back into the bedroom and sleep, if she wants to come into the room, then, she should come in, walk slowly and carefully…

Leaving her with him, in the living room, him… in front of the PC…

I purposely put on our small table lamp in the room, (usually it's totally darkness)

Then, I thought I shall fall asleep, before both of them come join me…

But I heard her happily singing and chitchatting with him, not showing a sign/intention of sleeping, (hey!! It's already past midnight, girl!)

And also, I just realized,

I've been having her with me, beside me, closed to me, attached to my boobs… (yes, she's kinda 90% weaned now… usually, she'll fall asleep on her own, and just this week, finally, I've seen/experienced baby sleeping through the night… ya, during the transistion, ie. weaning, ie. boobs to no boobs… she's taking her own sweet time to get used to the decreasing in my milk supply, and frequently getting up in the night, to look for the never-satisfying booby milk… it was tough, for both of us…)

For the past 2 years plus… without fail…

THEN… I don't think, I can sleep without her…

Anyway, I know very well, I can't sleep if she's not sleeping…

I've a sleep problem, too, right?? ^_^ sweet one, to me, though…

After a short while, feeling somewhat lonely in the room by myself,

I came out to call her in,

She's getting him to pat her to sleep, in the sofa…

Of course, he wish, he can go back to the big nice comfy bed, but she didn't want him to go…

Then, we've to try using the tough way now…

Off the light, off the aircon, off the fan…

And both getting in the room,

With slight effort…

Finally, she's in…

Ya, this woman! She's in fact very tired,

Our friends came over for dinner, though she didn't really play with their boy, but then, she was happily running around, "mopping" the floor by crawling around, with her soft toy underneath her tummy…

However…

Well… seeing her in such a high mood, yes, though past midnight…

We didn’t have the heart to force her to go to bed, (ya I know, what "bad" parents)

At the same time, this was the first time I heard her saying that, she wanna sleep in the sofa, outside in the living room, we just wanna go with the flow, to see what she's in mind…

Nah… I think, she's just doing it for fun…

Cheeky girl...

W.E.A.N.I.N.G.

See…

After some attempts…

I've this conclusion/options…

1. Let baby make the call, I'll still nurse as per request, ie. hopefully one day, when the milk doesn't come out anymore, baby will accept the fact, even when the milk doesn't come out anymore, and even if she still wants to suckle, let it be, one day, she'll be bored with suckling empty boobs… ^_^ bravo!! I so smart!!!
2. This, I've tried, ie. kinda refused, kinda reminded her from time to time, tell her over and over again, I got frust, she got frust, I felt "sien", she felt "sien", I became tired, and she… not sure, seems like not tired, but nevermind… my conclusion is, this is not an option, maybe to some mothers, who can't wait to get baby off boobs, will try those chili/bittergourd method, but no, I don't want to go down that path… just let it be!!
3. She definitely needs me(O.o) to fall asleep… (I know, that's bad… but then, I kinda need THAT to fall asleep too… oops… hopeless!!) and it'll become worse, when she's half-asleep… most mothers find it easy during night time, but night time's nightmare to me… she'll continuously seeking for booby…
4. Some suggested, "no offer no reject", well… I kinda DIDN'T do this correctly, sometimes, I reject, sometimes I still offer… ok, that's bad approach…

Conclusion? There's no conclusion,

Concluson? Kinda status quo… I still take my fenugreek, I still offer her booby, I still nurse her, and I still need to nurse her to fall asleep peacefully… beyond hope right?? Yes, that gives me better day, and I feel less tired, and less "sien"…

Now, I think, option 1 should be THE option, ie. one day, even if they dry up, even if she still prefers to suckle, be it…

Cos, just yesterday, I read one article about "extended breastfeeding", ie. there's no such real thing called "extended", cos, it varies throughout different nations…

And some mothers continue to nurse the kids till they're 4-5 years old… oh no!! Is that my intention, no no no!! Definitely not!!! But then, I'm not going to make that call… let it be!

Cos, THAT mother said, it's not about the milk anymore, it's about the emotion and bonding, bla bla bla…

If baby still prefers mama's booby, and if I really don't see a problem to continue it…

Well… why "dis"continue?? THAT will for sure, creates some "problem"… why make problem out of no-problem??

See??

And now, I find my "balance"…

Yes, BALANCE is the new word for my housewhold lately… ^_^

how to wean?? (...me off baby)

I do, and I really do enjoy breastfeeding... I supposed, I'm lucky enough, to be a happy breastfeeding mother...

and I know very well, I'll definitely have big emotional problem, when it's time to wean, yes, call it the “separation anxiety”...

I do and I pray for a baby-led weaning session, and that, it may not be too bad... ^_^

Next question is, how to wean me off baby?? hahahahaha!!! ya... again, blame it on the technical term called “separation anxiety”...

Though... I think, I've been doing just fine!!! Letting her “go” just for a little while, and to keep myself occupied, next in line, is my PC (at the moment, my new “netbook”, hahaha!!)

Why??

Well... as a mother... as a mother, who loves her baby... so much... and I'm one who believes, “if you love somebody, you should let him/her go” type of person... and I want her (even though, she's just a baby, and shower of love, will never be enough for her) to learn that... one day, I may just leave her (who knows?? after my beloved mother's car accident, nothing's permanent) though I wish to be with my baby for as long as God permits... and therefore I pray...

However... and yes, however... I want her to know that, besides me, there're other people who she can rely on, if one day, I'm not there for her, and there're also other people who'll love her (though, I bet, not as much as big mama, right?? ^_^) and help her, when she needs it... and that... the world's still full of hope and love... which is extremely important...

while... of course from time to time, I shall also share with her, the “other” side... of the dark world... hahaha!!!

Training her to receive the whole big world out there, while training myself to accept the whole one-person world in here... sob sob!!!