The Depressed...

ok... lately I heard of someone, having depression...
well... it's not like I don't feel compassionate about this person, but then, well... since this is a person who's famous of lying, lying and lying, boasting all the time,
I'm just not sure, if this is just another act that, she's putting up...
and that, to show a little bit of "compassionate" per se, I won't mention who this person is... ^_^

see... later, then, I was so "joboh", that, I went to read some psychology/mental health related topic...
ooh... then, I learnt something,
apparently, yes, somebody who loves to lie, and makes up story... is either already having some sort of depression, or WILL have depression eventually...
cos, when somebody who's a chronic liar, (ok, some psychological term) who basically simply lie about anything, without feeling any guilt, and out of convenience, and habit... will one day, realized that, it's all JUST A LIE... and that's when depression set in...
and the root cause?? well... low self-esteem,
they lie to get attention,
they lie so that, people think that, their life's so interesting...

well... seriously, there're people, for some reason (seriously again, I don't really know why) think that, other's life's just soooooooooooo interesting, and that, their own life's nothing happening... and therefore, they dropped into the deep trough in emotion, by lying, by making up stories...

ok... all these traits, jive with what I've observed, known, and recognized of this very person that I've mentioned... and that, she's said, having depression...
still of course, while others probably trust her story, I'll still have some sort of reserve... cos, like I said, this person's chronic liar...

anyway, we're out of each other life now... and that probably you think that, I shouldn't bother...
well... in a way, but then, I do have to take note of myself... as lying, does lead to depression, or vice versa, that's worth taking note...
and of course, my opinion?? whoever encourages this person's lying habit, shall hold part responsibility...
cos, when somebody's building up his/her own dream world, ie. lied world, fantasy land... and that, you actually condone it, indirectly encourage it... maybe you didn't know, or maybe you've already know, that, some part of this person's a lie, or brag, or boast... and it's become habitual, and yet, you don't point it out... you're helping the behaviour to be getting worse, aren't you??

and worst of all is,
one day, you're the one, who actually point it out to this person, that HEY! EVERYTHING'S A LIE!!
imagine??

if that's me??
yes, I'LL BE DEPRESSED!
(that's what I mean, I do need to take note as well... for whoever I care, I love, and maybe, myself...)

THAT! Truly IS a skill! (if you want to pick up, and be hated/despised by almost the whole world!)

1. You suck up to your boss - truly seriously absolutely horrible suckup… serious, you praise him/her every single day, when there's windows of opportunity… and you buy presents to him/her… you become his/her driver for lunch, only when he/she's around… not when he/she's not around… (that, you'll make sure your co-worker do the driving!)
2. You praise whatever your boss say, everything he/she says is CORRECT… and you've already known…
3. You trash your co-worker's work, whenever there's chance…
4. You praise your own capablity whenever there's chance… loudly, in front of your boss especially…
5. You comments a lot a lot a lot a lot, damn a lot, on other people work, pick on them… implying that you can do a better job… but then, you'll never ever get your hands dirty by even correcting them, or take over and do it yourself, you'll NEVER dirty your hands…
6. You take all your business partners business card, take all opportunities to attend events, functions, seminars, so that you can take those cards, THEN, you go back to office, and BRAG to everybody else in the office, THAT, these people know you, that, you're good friends, and these people will do whatever it takes, for you, cos, you guys are close… ALL THE BUSINESS CARDS'S OWNERS ARE YOUR BEST FRIENDS, AND KNOW YOU VERY VERY WELL… ya, you insist that… make sure you insist, and you always repeat that to people!!! (WHEN LIES TOLD A ZILLION TIME, IT'LL BECOME TRUTH… ya! That applies to moron, ok?? Only the wise know the real truth!)
7. When you attend meeting, you brag brag and brag, you tell people to quicken the meeting process, cos, you're so busy!! Ya, you make sure you tell people that you're busy, busy, busy, and really pretend that you're damn busy!
8. When you need to make commitment, you'll go all the way, to call your co-worker in the office (the one who's doing the real work) even though, that means, you need to be constantly on the phone with the co-worker, like call-in for 20-30 times, just for that meeting you sit in?? To make sure that, it's the co-worker who SAYS those thing, not you!! REMEMBER? YOU'LL NEVER GET YOUR HANDS DIRTY, NEITHER WILL YOU GET YOURSELF INTO ANY COMMITMENT! If there's anything wrong, it's the co-worker's fault… if it happened to be a success story… oh! It's your credit!!
9. Even if one day, your co-working "see beh tahan" you, and leave the job, you'll make sure you'll pester your boss (that's the point of sucking up to him/her, right?) and give him/her all sorts of reason, of course, one of the reasons is, YOU'RE SO BUSY!! So that, your boss will go and hire another new worker for you… oops! Yes, for you, in fact, not even for your boss… you're the real boss… hehehe… yes, you're the real boss… you know it very well… even your so-called boss, needs to listen to you, being manipulated by you…
10. Even if one day, your co-worker who may have joined other team in the same company, as long as it's the same company… you'll make damn sure that, he/she will have to cover your fat ass… to do the "old" job, carry out the "old" task, as long as a new worker's not joined… cos, you're always so busy!! (yes, others are not that busy, you're the ONLY one that's busy!!!)
To simplify,
Never dirty your hands,
Never make any commitment,
Always pretend that you're busy, and say it out loud, when you enter a hall, you start to mention it at the other end of the corridor,
Always trash other people work, but no matter what, never help them with their work, though, you'll continue to brag that you know the work very very very well, damn well…
Remember?? Remember ok?? Rules of thumbs…
These, truly is a skilll…
Seriously, truly…
Where no human can adopt all… can learn all…
Yes, no human can…
Cos, that needs damn high level of lying skill, planning skill, shouting skill, thick face skill, back-stabbing skill… and lastly, when "attacks" come, crying skill, of course!!!
Seriously, truly…
It's not easy to find one with such skill…
And somebody need to thank me for branding this skill set…
a.k.a. THE 2FACE SKILL!
BRAVO!
CONGRATS!

do you tell people...

When you've no money?

I mean, when you're buying something…

At least, you show that, you don't have enough…

For eg.

Buying a mouse (the computer mouse, not the real mouse LA!)..

I don't intend to get a super mouse, cos, I only need it for my work..

Therefore, upon entering, to cut it short, and not wasting time (in my opinion) I'll just tell the assitant, give me the cheapest mouse…

That's type A, say..

Type B, of course, the other way round,

You only have budget for the cheapest, or probably the second cheapest mouse in the shop,

But then, you pretend to look around, ask some question, (cos, you want to avoid asking, "which one is the cheapest?" and that, you think other will think that you're cheap!) and then, finale.. you took the cheapest one! ^_^

So, which type are you?

Man-kind?

1 in this bloody stupid country,

1 in bangladesh (bangladesh, I guess, if I've not mistaken the chinese translation),

1 in taiwan…

Just within 1 week… all these news… gosh!

Tell me!!! How on earth, any man, with the right mind, with the right conscience, as a human - ya, you generalize it and call it MAN-KIND?? Kind?? @$%#$^%$#&%$&#%$&#%@^

… do such horrible thing, to minor, minor as in young girls, small baby girls?

How can?? How could you!!!!!!!!!

If there's tsunami, if there's earthquake, if there's any disaster, man-made, natural…

I wish all of you been struck by them, and disappear…

How could you!!

It's beyond my imagination, and no, I don't even want to imagine…

It's beyond heartache, and the disgusted feeling is beyond words, to me…

How could you!!!!!!!

Yes, and that, I've been loosing more faith and trust in all uncles…

Uncles at any age…

MEN, can be so beastful, sometimes… or, these days, MOST OF THE TIME!!

You just don't know who this uncle really is… deep underneath…

In his dream, probably he's the most disgusting beast in the history, even he doesn't know, or, he doesn't want to know…

GOD!!! I pray that, you people just disappear, yes, just like that…

THAT, the world will be more peaceful…

And yes, if the world's female-dominated,

I can assure you, there'll be petty argument here and there, day in day out…

But I'm pretty sure too, the world will be a more peaceful world…

We don't like to weapons…

And don't…

LET ME SHOUT!!! WE WON'T HURT OUR BEAUTIFUL LOVELY BABIES… WE WON'T!!!
WE WON'T BE SO HENTAI…!!!

PLEASE!!!

GOD!!!

I seriously hate reading those news… I mean, with all the bad things (I mean naturally, or, maybe politically…) happening on earth… it's sad enough,

And yet, there're people who only care about their beastful needs, and do such disgusting thing…

Worst of all… even their wife condone it…

If I've a death note, I'll make sure these people will be wiped off…

They don't deserve any petition,

Nor do they deserve any human right, why should they??

Anybody dares stand out and speak for them,

Then, please will you go to hell with them!!!!!!!!

Yes, I don't judge, and I remind myself not to judge,

But all these people, no, these beast… are beyond judgemental…

!@%^$@&$@%&@^$#^%@&%$@%$@&%

Ps: call me paranoid, I told my baby… ALL UNCLES ARE BAD UNCLES!

there… the pekchek happens… in the name of… %#@%$#%^

You see… most of the time, I'm not that pekchek…

Now, come on!!! I'm a stay-at-home mom, and most days, it's just me, and my lovely daughter…

That's all…

The life's pretty zen,

We get up as we want, in the morning…

And baby always give me her sweetest smile… (yes, if she cries, or whines, that shows that, something's really wrong…)

And we take our own sweet time to have our lunch, it can be simple steam bread, or, boiled eggs, or pasta, or… the food from the previous night…

Then, we watch some TV, she reads some books…

Or, I do some housekeeping, or try to clean something, bla bla bla…

Then, nap time,

Then, get up to prepare for dinner…

I don't really have to rush, cos, our dinner won't start early…

I even have time, to catch the 7 o'clock mediacorp show on weekdays, ok… most of the time, they're watchable…

Pretty zen, right??

Yes, I'll say…

Then, after everybody sleeps… I'll go online, check up on fb's friends' status,

Play some games… read some news, follow up on my "subscription" on google reader… that's it…!!! Nice and simple…

Therefore, most of the time, I'm not that pekchek…

However, sometimes, words maybe heard, things maybe reminded,

And that reminds me of my pekchek identity…

Do I have a choice to not to be that pekchek?? Yes I guess, if I change my gender, and ditch those hormonal thing, forever…

I guess…

Cos, men, they don't really care… they really don't…

As long as I can recall,

I really hate it when people use/misuse the word, "love", "care"…

Serious!!!

In the name of love,

In the name of "we care for you",

In the name of "it's for your own good",

In the name of "I just want everybody to be happy",

In the name of…

Let's face it…

If, WE (the pekchek clan) are given some respect,

Of our space,

Of our opinion,

Of our preference,

Of our privacy,

Of our choice,

Of our OWN VERY QUIET TIME…

We are not that pekchek, or at least, I won't be that pekchek… for sure…

Even though, sometimes, people are trying to be democratic,

But come on!!! The feel of anticipation, the eagerness, and the HIGH EXPECTATION'S there…

And worst of all…

I can't take the fact that,

You're of the SPECIAL ones, and the rest is just commoner,

You can have exception, but the rest don't…

Everything's convenient to you, it's the RULE/LAW,

Everything/everyone else's not the preferred ones, or convenience ones, is EVIL!!

You see,

Sometimes, the pekchekness, and more and more of pekchek because of the initial pekchek,

Will just drive us crazy,

Drive us to hell… (ok, at least me, I don't want to be stereotype, or generalize!)

And let me tell you…

I just wish…

I don't exist...

自我中心的人啊！不說實話的人啊！愛做作的人啊！貪錢的人啊！面對你多一點，我的命會短一點。Money-face, self-center, manipulative, pretentious, put me with these people a day longer, my life will be a day shorter... bravo~~ then you can take all I have, and I will not see you in heaven~

有的人，可以說出一大堆的理由，讓你帶她到處走走、看看、吃喝玩樂，但是，她也可以說出一大堆的理由，爲什麼其他的人很麻煩，還是不帶着的好，包括自己的兄弟姐妹。There're people who will give tonnes and tonnes of reasons, why you should bring them out to eat, drink, play, but they'll also give you tonnes and tonnes of reason, why the others are just so troublesome to go together, even though they're the siblings...

my favourite quote of the day...

Not many quotes I like…

Not many quotes I keep…

But one of them is this…

"We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others, that in the end, we become disguised to ourselves." ~  Francois de la Roche Foucald

Yes… there're plenty of disguised out there,

There're plenty of deceited out there...

"You Are Invited"

When we send out invitation to others, for eg. For a house party, etc etc…

Do we send out to these people, cos, he/she HAS TO be there?

Or, do we really want to see these people, and that, we'd like to see him/her to be there???

Tough question huh?

Well… it depends… (sounds like a bloody consultant!!)

Of course, if you're a person, who's true to yourself, you'll be able to answer,

We invite those who we want to see, and sometimes, we even politely and kindly reject those invitation that, we do not want to attend, cos, it simply… is meaningless… isn't it?

But of course, if you're a person, who's not true to yourself, or, who only act upon other's reaction, or expectation,

Then, you'll just do whatever that you're supposed to do…

And sometimes, you'll even fight for it, cos, you thought… people will judge you for if those invitation fails…

Anyway…

I still like these words…

"It's far easier to fight for principles than to live up to them." ~ Adlai Stevenson

Sometimes… due to a formality that we long belived in…

We fight for it,

We offend others, even the loved ones,

But then, the "result" is indeed, not what we longed for…

Ironic isn't it?

Sad huh???

Yes… to me, it's sad…

It'll be a sad life, that I'll rather not live in...

Born with the Job

Ok… this was quite a while ago…

I went to do a full blood test in pathlab… ie. to test whatever they can test for you… cancer markers and so on… wow! The price ain't cheap nowadays… it's >300 bucks… gosh!

Anyway… since I've yet to do any thorough health check, I went ahead…

It's just… well… a place to get yourself poked… blood taken… and then, you wait for another week, for the report… fast and simple, just like fastfood…

But then, let me tell you…

When I watch "gokusen", (a japanese drama, if you're interested, please see here… http://www.dramacrazy.net/japanese-drama/gokusen/)

Kumiko's grandpa (the mafia's head) actually told her a couple of time, that… her "born job" is… to be a teacher…

Therefore, I like the idea that, we all have a job… that we're born to take it up…

A JOB!! (what job, I don't know… if you've the "calling", then you're lucky LO!! ^_^)

So, there goes my experience in pathlab, THAT DAY…

First person who "poked" me… ie. the girl, the girl on duty, who's perform blood extraction zillion time…

No! I'm not sure if it's zillion, cos, the badge on her chest says "trainee"… maybe, that's the preconception that I've got about her, THAT DAY…

So, when she's trying to get the blood out of me, with a syringe that's a big and thick needle…

And that, after >5 min, she only managed to get half of the tube… gosh!!!

She's getting panic… and so was I… come on!! What do you expect man!!! And she kinda "blamed" it on me, being panic…, that causes her failure in getting my blood…

Oh!! Come on!!

First, it's the fact that, she wore a "trainee" badge,

Second?? Well… I've to say, the way she talks, or the way she interact with me, is not "soothing" enough…

Her voice, her gesture, and so on… and hey!! I thought doing such job, it's better if you wear a pair of covered shoes? Instead of a pair of sandals?? Ok… sandal is a nice name, she's wearing a pair of flipflop, technically…

And I'm sure, when she went for job interview, there's not much requirement on the VOICE!!!

Anyway, in the end, that's what I got…

See the blueblack? It lasted for more than a week…

Then, that girl gave up… passed the job to her colleague, a guy…

That guy sounded senior, and experienced… and well… the way he talked, and smiled, reminded me of a local DJ… @_@

HOWEVER~~~ I thought too highly on him, I thought he sounded experienced, then, he'll be experienced…

And he acted experienced, he felt my blood veins, then, he took a smaller needle, I asked him why, he said, "your blood veins are pretty small, of course, we should use a smaller and thinner needle…", oh… I see…

Then again…

He… in the end, didn't even take a single drop of blood, and gave me this…

The one on the left…

So, they suggested me to take a rest… and I waited for another 20 minutes??

Finally, another girl, the girl we met, when we first entered pathlab, she was manning the front counter for sales, and accounting purposes…

(I guess, all of these staff in pathlab, actually take turn to do the chores, just like those workers in the restaurants…)

Ok… first, she beat the others flat… in terms of her voice… the way she spoke…

Soft, and gentle… and shall I say… calming??

Yes, I guess, she's that "talence"…

Oh, no! I mean Gift…

Yes, everybody's born with a unique voice, just like not everybody can be a DJ, or a singer…

There're some jobs, you just can't be trained…

Then, she found my nerve…

Put the needle in, I looked away… (I'd to, serious, I don't like to be poked!) and I heard her saying, "take a deep breath!"… see see see!!! She knows her stuff… and she knows when to get you to do this, and that, to calm  yourself down, instead of keep telling (blaming) me that, I should not be scared, should not be this, and that…

And just when I took my deep breath, she told me it's done!

O.o ooh! Wow!!!

Reflectively, I said, "wow!!! That's amazing!!", (ya… the one on the right…)

Yes, I didn't say it to please her or whatever, that's exactly how I felt THAT moment…

Cos, I didn't even feel a pinch after feeling her putting that needle in my arm…

That's the type of people!!! All medical field should keep and appreciate!!

Remember? There're things, that can't be trained…

And that, I remember, when I had my c-section in SJMC…

I remembered that anaesthecian, his voice, was just like this, and he could talk to me calmly (ie. that made me calm) and he explained all the process in very layman, and simple terms, during the whole session, in order to keep me informed, but not to fear me…

See!!!

Now, don't tell me, everything can be trained!!

NAH!! MY FOOT!!!

You just won't listen, will you?

Loooooooooooooooong time ago, I posted this… ya, very looooooooooong time ago, while Babel was still showing in the theatre…

And ya… today, my mood's not that high, (I don't want to say, I'm in a bad mood, but then, ya, I am, just for no reason… my mood's not so good, I lost my temper to baby, she refused to be nursed properly, and she refused to go to bed, properly, that's why… but on top of that, loud noises outside… everything, just didn't feel right for me, ie. that, I'm in a not-so-good mood, sitting here, typing… luckily, there's BLOG, that, I can rant, rant, rant and rant!)

Anyway… many years ago,

I posted this "I just won’t speak & You just won’t listen!!!",

And today, I suddenly thought of certain behaviour, or certain people, and that, I'm upset again…

Cos, things haven't changed, and I know, things will not change… it happened everywhere… just everywhere, right in front of you, outside the house, and probably including myself, I'm committing it… ie. "not listening to my daughter??" (ya… maybe!)

I suddenly thought of some people, those in my life…

What they like to say is, "tell me, talk to me, else, I won't know!!"

Ya… I won't, cos, I know you just won't listen…

These type of people, especially these type of people,

Those who don't really want to listen to what you say, how you feel and what you want…

Normally do like to tell you, from time to time, "talk to me, then, I'll know!!"…

Let me tell you, it's all marketing gimmick…

Marketing about themselves… just marketing talk, pure marketing talk…

Come on!!!

Sometimes, even somebody sooooooooo close to them (flesh and blood??) talk to them, tell them what they want, or particulary, WHAT THEY DO NOT WANT!! HOW THEY FEEL NEGATIVELY ABOUT THEM!! No!! They will not want to listen, and they start arguing, start putting on a show, and start saying that you're not so good a… ok, a son, or a daughter…

Yet, they tell other people, "talk to me!!"

Please! Give me a break…

If you can't even solve your own family "issue", ie. communicating within underneath your own roof, don't go out and tell people, or try to imply to others that, YOU'RE A PERSON WHO'LL LISTEN??

Please!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'd rather talk to wall, talk to tree…

No, I don't trust you!

Sharing: The Fence… hurtful words are like nails!

There was a little boy with a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, to hammer a nail in the back fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence.

Then it gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.

The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence.

He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say 'I'm sorry', the wound is still there."

Sharing: Why People Remain Quiet, Shy, and Non-Assertive: The Benefits of Passive Behavior and Communication

by Joshua Uebergang aka "Tower of Power"

I use to suffer from severe passive behavior and communication. I would not say what I wanted, escape confrontation because it was uncomfortable, dodge responsibility because I could be blamed, and generally sidestepped who I truly was as a person. I compromised my character. People interacted with a mask of behavior that protected my vulnerable self.

Passiveness, otherwise known as submissiveness, is the opposite to aggression. Passiveness literally means detachment and acceptance. It is acted upon rather than acts on something. Passive communication involves “keeping under the radar”, “not sticking up for yourself”, saying yes when you really want to say no, and overly “selfless behaviors”. While it is different to being shy or quiet, shy or quiet individuals are often passive.

Amongst my reasons for passive behavior, is the benefits of passive behavior and communication, and why it is such a severe problem in families, the workplace, and human interactions. I want to share with you the deep reasons behind why people avoid “sticking up for themselves” and many other passive behaviors in this article. I believe once you understand this behavior, a powerful world is revealed before your eyes that would otherwise have remained hidden. Like all the communication secrets in my “Communication Secrets of Powerful People Program”, the things once hidden become visible to empower you to communicate powerfully with people.

Adults’ Contribution to Weak Behavior

Parents, teachers, and adults in general are partly responsible for passive behavior and communication in children. At a young age – and continually in life – adults condition passive individuals to continue their submissive behavior through verbal rewards. Passive individuals receive praise for their selfless actions, keeping quiet, and not voicing their concerns.

“Passiveness literally means detachment and acceptance. It is acted upon rather than acts on something.”

A bully steals a toy from a young girl who does nothing about it. An adult observing the girl tells her she is nice for not doing anything and making the bully angry. A student sits in the classroom, not answering any questions. The teacher at a parent-teacher interview says to the child’s parents that the child is nice and quiet. A young boy is asked what he wants for dinner, but his brothers and sisters interrupt him by saying what they want. The young boy then says, “I’m happy with what the others want” to which his parent praise him for compliance and selfless.

These three examples demonstrate how people are trained to continue passive behavior. Overtime, the person’s occasional passive behavior shapes into a stringent passive personality. Soon enough, the person doesn’t defend his space, participate, or state his desires. What appears “nice” transforms into a severe, habitual communication and behavioral problem that sucks the life from the person and his relationships. It’s no wonder many people struggle to learn assertive communication skills.

Behaviors in Conflict

Conflict contains several reasons for passive behavior and communication. Passive individuals avoid conflict by remaining quiet as they avoid expressing their point of view.

A failure to express their point of view occurs outside of conflict – it is frequent in conversations and social interactions. When they are asked what they’d like, where they want to go, or what they want to do, they passively respond: “I’m happy with whatever you want”. Rarely are they truly happy with what the other person wants. While they say “I’m happy with whatever you want”, the truth of the matter is their decision (or indecision) comes from a fear of disapproval.

“Passive individuals are praised for their selfless actions.”

Are You a “People-Pleaser”?

Virgina Satir, the mother of family therapy, coined the term “People-Pleaser” to describe individuals obsessed with making others happy. People-pleasers have toxic amounts of shame covered by being well-liked. They do this so others cannot see their defects.

Kelly Bryson over at Nonviolent Communication has a superb article to help people-pleasers that you can read here. (It is in pdf format so you need Adobe Acrobat to view the document.)

Another reason passive behavior is beneficial for people who disconnect themselves from conflict and conversations is blame-avoidance. A person that says, “I’m fine with anything you decide”, puts the final decision on somebody else. The passive person leaves the other person to select an option. When the option is undesirable, the passive person can readily and easily blame the decision-maker for their choice.

Yet another reason someone can behave passively and avoid conflict is their protection from others. Other people fight for the person, which often gets them what they want. Some people laugh, get angry, or ignore an aggressive person, but when someone cries, most people stop what they’re doing to give the crying person what they want to wipe away their tears. A habitual crier can be more manipulative than an aggressor.

See the Price of Nice to Breaks Its Vice

So far you have seen the beneficial reasons for passive behavior and communication. Up until now, it seems to be an attractive way of behaving. Fortunately, it is not because the behavior has many destructive outcomes. By learning the negatives of passive behavior, you can help yourself break free from submissiveness and become motivated to help other people assert themselves.

Common problems with passiveness include:

• Unsatisfying relationships. Passive individuals are detached from their communication and relationships. They are completely disengaged from intimacy. They avoid intimacy because their authentic self is protected with the “nice guy” or “nice girl” mask.
• Growth is thwarted. Passive individuals create an environment where authentic feedback is not given or received. To critique a “nice person” makes the criticizer a guilt-ridden, bad person. Similarly, the nice person does not give feedback to other people, which limits their growth.
• Induces shame in others. Nice guys and girls manipulate others with guilt and shame. They avoid responsibility and giving feedback, making others feel shameful for their feelings towards the nice person. For example, the would-be receiver of a nice person’s feedback feels angry for not getting feedback then becomes shameful for feeling angry at the nice person. (The person is nice after all and it’s wrong to be mad at nice people.)
• Others get irritated. A guy, for example, forgoes his needs by molding himself into his lover’s ideal image. He thinks focusing on his partner is the relationship-healthy thing to do. The passive individual overtime, however, frustrates his partner with high compliance. His overt agreeableness leads to pity and irritation. It’s frustrating to be with someone who does not tell you what he or she feels or wants.
• Selfishness. Selflessness is selfish because the “selfless person” doesn’t have the capacity to act beyond oneself. It may sound contradictory to passive behavior, but the passive individual who lets others have their way robs oneself of happiness and love. The person is unable to love others because he or she holds resentment and frustration against those the person is selfless towards. People who give up their own lives to be loved by someone are often shocked when they discover the other person dislikes them for their plasticity approach to life.
• Volcanic build up of resentment. Forgo your own needs, avoid voicing your concerns, do not talk about yourself, and dodge confrontation – that’s a potent recipe for a life filled with resentment. All that pressure inside of you cannot remain hidden. Emotional eruptions eventually burst forth as seen in passive-aggressive behavior.
• Passive-aggressive behavior. I’ve heard marriage counselors incorrectly refer to passive-aggressive behavior as passive behavior, but behaviors like resentment and secret sabotaging can manifest from passiveness. Passive-aggressive behaviors include sarcasm, lying, and blaming. These behaviors are often expressed in sporadic outbursts to temporarily release the frustration of bottled emotions. Passive individuals are prone to flares of aggression. Momentary aggressive outbursts can occur because suppressed emotions suddenly gush to the surface. When I was overly passive, sarcasm was my common way of releasing anger from an inability to assert myself and express my feelings.
• Lack of emotional control. This is another paradoxical effect of passive behavior. Passive individuals think they manage their emotions through suppression, but the opposite results. Suppressed anger shows in many ways more harmful than if the person dealt with the emotion upfront. Suicide is the ultimate outcome of emotional suppression.

“Passive individuals are prone to flares of aggression. Momentary aggressive outbursts often occur because the person’s suppressed emotions suddenly erupt, gushing to the surface.”

As you can see, there are many negative outcomes for passive behavior. While it can feel like an attractive behavior, it is very destructive for relationships and makes the passive person miserable. Passive behavior like aggression creates a win-loss or loss-loss outcome.

original article:

http://www.towerofpower.com.au/why-people-remain-quiet-shy-and-non-assertive-the-benefits-of-passive-behavior-and-communication

Irritating character

I suddenly have the urge to just blog about this,

Well… it's sitting in my subject line-up… (hehe… see!! Whenever I'm inspired, I actually do jot them down, and that'll be my next topic! ^_^)

See… first of all..

This term is introduced by my beloved ex-roommate,

It's when we just don't know how to categorize a personality, it's not BAD, but it just kinda sometimes fume us up… (ie. definitely not considered GOOD, right?)

So, she said, it's called, "irritating character"…

Ah ha… I'm sure a lot of those who follow the american soap opera have come across many many irritating characters in those shows…

Cos, when I google, "irritating character", the search result came back with loads of TV roles/or, drama series' roles…

Therefore, the more refined search items are actually,

"Irritating Personality"…

And there I got some interesting summarization from some of the website…

I'm not going to point out about those obvious one, like rude, selfish, self-centered, boot-licker/ass-sucker, etc.

Only 2, and they're quite similar to each other,

The COPY CAT, and the BEEN THERE DONE THAT!

Haha…

In fact, the first one that strikes me, and annoys me all the time's the copy cat!!! And that's why I wanted to blog about it!

Maybe guys don’t really feel it, and maybe it's really mainly the girls thing!!

Putting aside your best friend first…

Don't you just hate it, when your whoever not so-close female classmate/coursemate/colleague, (in detail: somebody you don't really like, but won't admit!) wears the same clothes, or similar clothes as you? Or the morning you decide to put on a red scarf, she also have a similar scarf on her… to make it even worse, your colleagues praised her, instead of you!!! Yuck!!!

And this is what I came across from the website, which I think it's quite funny!

"The friend or colleague who doesn't have an original idea, so they just copy yours. Going on holiday to Bali? Buying a puppy? Building a house? The worst offenders are the ones who get to your idea before you do."

"The worst case I saw of this was a friend expecting a baby and their other friend bought a puppy and named it what they were going to call the baby. Beyond copycatness."

Hahahaha!!!

Same goes with,

When you change your TV, one of your friend also changes his/her TV… same brand, same design, same model… or sometimes, same brand, BETTER model!!

Sometimes these people they do it, just to spite you, really!! And I consider them BAD!!

But sometimes, these people do it, not to spite you, it's just that, they're not the type of people who've a mind on their own, ie. they're hollow, they're empty, they do not have much substance, ie. they do not have much opinion on their own, they're usually the ok-man, or, don't-know-how-to-say-no man!! And that, they do not really know what they want… so, the day you buy a new TV, and tell them it's a good TV, they follow suit!

And that's irritating…

Cos, you can't go to them, and tell them, "Hey!! This is wrong!", cos, it's not something wrong that some people follow whatever you do, and whatever you buy…

It's simply, IRRITATING!

And when it comes to girl-girl… I buy this skirt, nice, pretty.. And one day later, you also buy the same skirt… ~_~, ya, it does feel annoying…

When he asked me about this,

With a question, "what if you've thought of a nice name for your new baby, it's just that, you've not announced, and that your best friend who's having a baby a the same time, same gender, name it exactly the name you want to give to your baby??"

My answer… "AT THE END OF THE DAY, it's the relationship that counts…"

Then, I gave him some names of my girlfriends who, I'll not (I won't use the word "never", cos, I do not want to challenge God) feel much negativity in me…, cos, these friends, we've shared clothes before, and yes, when we go shopping, we've bought the same jacket before, same dress before…, so, I know I won't have much bad feeling if that'll happen…

In fact, when my ex-roommate was introducing these words to me, we're talking about my ex-ex-roommate!! Hahahaha!!! Oops…

Next,

The BEEN-THERE-DONE-THAT!! (ya, something else strikes me to include this in my blog)

"No matter what you've done or where you've been, or who you know this person has done it, seen it, met them, has bigger, better and faster anything and everything!"

Not so much to me, personally, but then… it IS irritating..

You told them, you've bought something good from somewhere,

They respond with, "oh, I've looked into it much earlier, and have bought it!"…

Or, when you tell them, you like certain stuff…

They respond with, "since I was young, I'm already a fan of it!",

OR, better still…

You tell them, you've achieve certain things, they tell you, they've got it zillion years ago, with even better result!!

Probably if you tell them you dog can bark 3 time, when you said THREE, they'll tell you, their dog can bark 5 time, when they say FIVE, since how many years ago!!

I'm damn sure, there's no bad meaning behind…

IT'S JUST SIMPLY!! IRRITATING!

Last of all…

These people don't even realize it, and that TOPS UP EVEN MORE ON THE IRRITATING-NESS!

Why Cannot?

There're people who don't ask "WHY???...", but "WHY CANNOT?"

They don’t ask "why are you feeling this way?"

They don't ask "why are you saying this?", so and so..

They don't ask "why do you actually think like this?", so and so…

They ask, "why I cannot come along?" - maybe people have their own plan? Maybe people have their own priority? Oh, they ask, "why I'm not the priority??"

They ask, "why I cannot come here anytime I want? I've the key!" - maybe people want some privacy? Oh, they'll say, "what privacy, we're not disturbing you!"

They ask, "why I cannot come here now?" - maybe it's just not the right time? Maybe you'll addon to my headache, when I need to rest? When I need some peace?

"what's peace? What's your headache? I'm not disturbing, WHY CANNOT??"

Ooh… I think, I probably can write a song out of it…

Why cannot?

Why just cannot?

I want this, why cannot?

I want that, why cannot?

I want to go there, I say no disturb, why cannot? (even though you still think you're disturbed)

I want to go here, I say I won't even let you know that I'm here, why cannot?

I want you to show face, why cannot? So that,

I want to show face, why cannot?

I want you to join, why cannot? So that,

I want to join too, why cannot?

I just want it this way, why cannot?

You cannot say cannot, cos, I'll ask why cannot,

You cannot say can, cos, can or cannot doesn't make any difference,

I don’t want to know why you say cannot,

I just want to ask why (I) cannot...

Them? Or them??

I've posted a few entries regarding parenting right?

Attachment parenting,

Idle parenting, whatever you name it…

Afterall… I, of course, am not pro-, or anti- any of the parenting style, as I'm still learning…

And since I'm learning, and therefore, I'm never that perfect…

But irregardless what parenting, or what dr. spock has said…

… against most chinese practices…

Parenting, shouldn't be about control, shouldn't be about YOU!!!

But I do notice, there're certain parents/care-takers,

Bringing up a child's all about them!! (the parents, the care-takers)

And sadly, it's never about them!! (the kids!!)

How sad, isn't it??

It's never about,

"how are you feeling today?"

"I'll just leave you alone to play for a while"

"let me take a close look at you"

Or just by simply talking and treating the child, as a human being…

It's continuous entertainment,

And continuous whatever they think is best for the kids,

But by doing that, there're expectation,

"I carry you, you shouldn't cry!!", (bluek!)

Ya, most of the time, the kid shouldn't cry,

Cry means "no good", (bluek! Again!)

It's very easy to translate,

Cry ~ means,

Kid doesn't like me,

Kid's no good,

Kid's not disciplined enough,

Kid wants to play more,

Kid wants to go out to have fun…

Ya, kid may cries for various reason, especially baby…

But, it's about them, (ie. the kid)

And never about them… (you get it??)

If I've a say,

I'll want my kid to be respected as an individual,

And I definitely do not want my kid's life to be defined by their emotion, happy or unhappy, contented or angry…

She should have her own space, and her own private time…

Though she should go out and interact with a lot of other people too…

And I definitely do not want my kid's mind to be "confined within a closed door"… (only wise people will understand what I mean!!)

Last of all,

The worst type of adults are the type that hold the kid as "ransom", or "trump card"… bluek again!

Like I said, it's only about them, but not about them… sabishii ne~~