After talking about roaches…
Ok… technically… after I’ve killed 2 roaches recently…
It reminded me of my mother…
While I was killing the cockroach, baby did came into my mind…
That make my mission a must-succeed mission…
Else the disgusting creature went to disturb her how??
And that reminded me of my mother…
I grew up in a small town, far east (a.k.a. Sibu, Sarawak)
And the place is still (ya, STILL) a place with swaps, woods, and undeveloped areas…
Therefore, as long as I can remember, in our house, every few days, there’ll be flying insects visiting our house…
And…~~~
You guess it…
I HATE & I’M DAMN SCARED OF FLYING INSECTS!!!
all sorts of butterfly
all sorts of moths
those “flying ants” that will come after rain, and they fly to well-lit area…
I remember having to put basin of water with a lit candle in the middle to attract them so that they’ll drop into the water and die…
Cicada (oh, frequent visitor man!)
Cricket (less often)
Cicada and one type of white colour butterfly/moth are the most frequent visitors…
And serious… I’ve to say I HATE IT!!!
Maybe some people, if growing up in such environment, they’ll get used to it…
But I simply hate it and scared of it, as many years as I lived there… (maybe that’s one of the reason that mould me into such a city girl, ya, I love city, especially metropolitan)
Whenever these visitors came to our house (and I’m not sure why, they seemed to like to fly to my room directly, rather than other area… maybe they could sense that I’m scared of them) I’ll scream and run…
If my father’s in the house, he’ll catch them, but I didn’t like it as whenever he caught them, he’d use it to scare me… damn!
If my father’s not in the house, it’ll be my mother’s job…
I remember I asked my mother once, if she’s scared
She said, she’s also scared, but for her children, she’s no choice…
……
That day, when I faced that disgusting roaches in the kitchen…
I remembered exactly what she’s told me, that line…
And now I know how it feels…
In Chinese, you simply have to harden your guts, “the skin of your head” and whatever you can harden to face it… and kill it… for your baby…
硬著頭皮
I guess, if really, baby’s screaming because of a moth, or butterfly, or cicada, and he’s not in the house… I die also have to catch it in the future… (arrghhh!!!)
And… guess what… I just have to硬著頭皮 and do it…
as… sometimes, when I look at our baby… thinking of all those bad saddening social news of what cruel disgusting adults do to younger baby girls, or younger girls… (and ya… if you’ve flesh and blood, how could they?? Right??)
I know very well, if anybody dares hurt my baby, I’ll send them to hell like how I send the roaches to hell…
2009-06-22
Roaches Go to Hell
See… lately (or, I’ll say, after I’ve given birth) I’ve killed 2 cockroaches in our house… arggh!!!!~~~~
He’s killed one flying cockroach, which flew into our living room one day…
I seriously hate them, and also seriously damn scared of them
I once described it to my youngest brother…
How I feel about roaches…
See, I’m so scared of them… scared but won’t and can’t runaway… maybe I’m rational in that sense, running away doesn’t solve the “problem”… I won’t jump onto the couch and scream and if he’s around I’ll ask him to try to catch it and kill it, but normally, he’ll have to give it a few shots before hitting the jackpot!!! ~_~
As for me…
I’m really really very scared of it… (I guess nobody really can see/feel how I feel about roaches)
But I also hate them very very very very very much!!!!!! VERY MUCH~~~~~ HEAR ME?????
So… I’ve left with one choice…
As for the 2 killings that I’ve done… it’s after everybody in my household has gone to bed, slept soundly… and I’m left alone…
The moment I saw this monster, my sweat immediately come out… but I hate it so much that, I’ve to kill it…
I’ve to…
No joke!
The best way (after some experience) to get them is to use newspaper… (as newspaper is hard enough to ‘paralyze’ it, but soft enough not to make it ‘splat’ and all the internal gross stuff come out)
2 killings, I hit ONLY ONCE… maybe I hate it just so much that, it gives me the accuracy…
But since I’m so scared of it, so what after paralyzing it…
It’s not fully dead yet, and I can’t leave the dead body lying around on the floor IN MY HOUSEHOLD!
The first time, I use the same newspaper, scooped it (this gross disgusting creature actually moved a bit to do its last struggling) with my sweat dripping and dripping… and bring it to the toilet, flush it down… since it’s light, and to ensure that, it’ll be flushed down the toilet, I throw a little bit of toilet tissue to add the weight onto its disgusting body
The second time, it’s near our storeroom, so I took the broom (which we don’t use anymore, only the confinement lady used when she’s here) and sweep it to the dustpan… again same type of gross creature do the same disgusting struggle… it tried to clamp onto the broom… NEVERMIND!!! I just hit the broom at the rim of the toilet bowl and it dropped into the water…
Again, to ensure it’ll be flushed down… I put some toilet tissue!!!
Oh gosh!!! It’s just so damn disgusting and I’m fully exhausted, as well as disgusted… yuek!
And I could take it no more…
So, I went online to research some ways to ‘repel’ it, and to kill it…
I don’t want to stay out there EVERY NIGHT to catch roaches ok!!!!!
And ya… I know I can wake him up from his sleep to do this dirty job, but see… even during alert time, he’ll have to give it a few shots, what more to say, in the middle of sleep… catching and killing roaches should be a job without mistake… ~_~
Also, maybe he does not hate it THAT MUCH to give him that sort of accuracy…
Oh ya, the first time… the creature was at the edge of the door towards our backyard
The second time, the stupid creature was crawling slowing around the rubbish plastic bag… thinking that, it’ll have its delicious supper is it?? Huh!
The more I researched online, the more disgusted I became…
A few messages I came across repeatedly, from Chinese sites, from English sites…
First, roaches have been on this planet for million years… it’s not like you want to get rid of them you can get rid of them easily… there’s no 100% guaranteed remedy… ooh ah!!! Doom!!
Second, ants are scared of sourness, roaches are scared of nice scent (螞蟻怕酸，蟑螂怕香)
Third, the scariest one… since roaches multiply very fast… if you start to see them even during day time (their activity time’s at night) then your household is basically doomed!!!
Oh, goodness gracious… the more I think about it, the more I couldn’t sleep…
THAT WEEKEND,
We went to the supermarket… I bought a lot of stuff… scenty stuff…
To repel, to kill, to bait…
I put them everywhere…
See how it goes… and God please bless me…
He’s killed one flying cockroach, which flew into our living room one day…
I seriously hate them, and also seriously damn scared of them
I once described it to my youngest brother…
How I feel about roaches…
See, I’m so scared of them… scared but won’t and can’t runaway… maybe I’m rational in that sense, running away doesn’t solve the “problem”… I won’t jump onto the couch and scream and if he’s around I’ll ask him to try to catch it and kill it, but normally, he’ll have to give it a few shots before hitting the jackpot!!! ~_~
As for me…
I’m really really very scared of it… (I guess nobody really can see/feel how I feel about roaches)
But I also hate them very very very very very much!!!!!! VERY MUCH~~~~~ HEAR ME?????
So… I’ve left with one choice…
As for the 2 killings that I’ve done… it’s after everybody in my household has gone to bed, slept soundly… and I’m left alone…
The moment I saw this monster, my sweat immediately come out… but I hate it so much that, I’ve to kill it…
I’ve to…
No joke!
The best way (after some experience) to get them is to use newspaper… (as newspaper is hard enough to ‘paralyze’ it, but soft enough not to make it ‘splat’ and all the internal gross stuff come out)
2 killings, I hit ONLY ONCE… maybe I hate it just so much that, it gives me the accuracy…
But since I’m so scared of it, so what after paralyzing it…
It’s not fully dead yet, and I can’t leave the dead body lying around on the floor IN MY HOUSEHOLD!
The first time, I use the same newspaper, scooped it (this gross disgusting creature actually moved a bit to do its last struggling) with my sweat dripping and dripping… and bring it to the toilet, flush it down… since it’s light, and to ensure that, it’ll be flushed down the toilet, I throw a little bit of toilet tissue to add the weight onto its disgusting body
The second time, it’s near our storeroom, so I took the broom (which we don’t use anymore, only the confinement lady used when she’s here) and sweep it to the dustpan… again same type of gross creature do the same disgusting struggle… it tried to clamp onto the broom… NEVERMIND!!! I just hit the broom at the rim of the toilet bowl and it dropped into the water…
Again, to ensure it’ll be flushed down… I put some toilet tissue!!!
Oh gosh!!! It’s just so damn disgusting and I’m fully exhausted, as well as disgusted… yuek!
And I could take it no more…
So, I went online to research some ways to ‘repel’ it, and to kill it…
I don’t want to stay out there EVERY NIGHT to catch roaches ok!!!!!
And ya… I know I can wake him up from his sleep to do this dirty job, but see… even during alert time, he’ll have to give it a few shots, what more to say, in the middle of sleep… catching and killing roaches should be a job without mistake… ~_~
Also, maybe he does not hate it THAT MUCH to give him that sort of accuracy…
Oh ya, the first time… the creature was at the edge of the door towards our backyard
The second time, the stupid creature was crawling slowing around the rubbish plastic bag… thinking that, it’ll have its delicious supper is it?? Huh!
The more I researched online, the more disgusted I became…
A few messages I came across repeatedly, from Chinese sites, from English sites…
First, roaches have been on this planet for million years… it’s not like you want to get rid of them you can get rid of them easily… there’s no 100% guaranteed remedy… ooh ah!!! Doom!!
Second, ants are scared of sourness, roaches are scared of nice scent (螞蟻怕酸，蟑螂怕香)
Third, the scariest one… since roaches multiply very fast… if you start to see them even during day time (their activity time’s at night) then your household is basically doomed!!!
Oh, goodness gracious… the more I think about it, the more I couldn’t sleep…
THAT WEEKEND,
We went to the supermarket… I bought a lot of stuff… scenty stuff…
To repel, to kill, to bait…
I put them everywhere…
See how it goes… and God please bless me…
enjoybreastfeed.com
Haha… “shun bien” help them to advertise a bit…
Anyway… I’ve to say… I’m lucky to have a period of blessed pregnancy…
I enjoyed my pregnancy…
Though I still throw my anger, but I simply enjoy throwing my anger…
My colleagues/friends advised me not to do that… else, “baby comes out, sure very bad temper”…
I’ve my own theory…
If you’re angry about certain things, or at certain people and you hold it… keep it to yourself… baby really may comes out, very bad temper…
UNLESS you’re able to really control your emotion, your way of thinking and become not angry… everything also ‘let go’… then, it’ll be fine…
I just answered them, “nah… I need to teach the baby what’s right and what’s wrong…” (ya… 胎教嘛！), ya, that’s in work… there’s RIGHT and WRONG… very straightforward…
For eg. Things like our “favourite” colleague 2face’s doing, it’s just WRONG, you cannot just close 1 eye and pretend that it doesn’t happen… and live with it…
(by the way, actually there’s new “season” about 2face, after the last finale… I shall blog about it some other time…)
Or, for eg. One of our business partner, or rather, vendor… this girl, she liked to comment things like this to me, about our company, about my colleagues, and liked to poke into my work…
Arrgh… as usual, I deviated from my own thinking most of the time…
Back to breastfeeding…
I’m grateful and thankful that, I’ve a good pregnancy (no morning sickness, no midnight leg cramps, no special food craving, or whatever)
And I’m grateful that, I’m actually enjoying my breastfeeding sessions… (despite all the complications that happened to my assets)
And… at this stage (at this stage only), I’ve to say my motherhood is so far so good…
Not sure about parenthood later… cos, parenting is slightly different…
Baby’s still small… things are simple… I do not really lack of sleep problem (probably also due to my nature, that I normally do sleep at odd hour) and I know… most likely all mothers out there don’t do this… but…
I actually catch up with my loss sleep when I’m nursing…
She eats, I sleep… and she falls asleep, and we both sleep… so, in fact, 1/3 of the day, she’s sleeping on my lap, or, technically, in my arms…
Then, she’s hungry, wakes up, I switch side, nurse again, I sleep… she falls asleep again… for about 1/3 to 1/2 of the day… in between, she sometimes wakes up and stays awake for around 45 min to 1 hour, which is the time, she’s most happy and alert of the day (usually it’s in the morning, like 8-9 o’clock) and that I’ll play with her and communicate with her… ya, I know that’s very important for her, and I’ve to stay awake… anyway, after a while, she’ll get hungry/sleepy… and both of us will go back to the same cycle…
That’s why I got “enough” sleep, and that’s why I still have my own precious private time, ie. sitting in front of my computer…
Or… when we’re both supposed to be “wake up” time… we’ll go to the living room, I’ll nurse when she’s hungry, she eats, I watch TV/DVD/my downloaded movies… etc.
In between…
I’ll do my daily housechores a little bit here and there, for eg. Preparing the water for her bath, launderette, dinner… etc.
I’ve to say, thank God, so far so good…
Anyway… I’ve to say… I’m lucky to have a period of blessed pregnancy…
I enjoyed my pregnancy…
Though I still throw my anger, but I simply enjoy throwing my anger…
My colleagues/friends advised me not to do that… else, “baby comes out, sure very bad temper”…
I’ve my own theory…
If you’re angry about certain things, or at certain people and you hold it… keep it to yourself… baby really may comes out, very bad temper…
UNLESS you’re able to really control your emotion, your way of thinking and become not angry… everything also ‘let go’… then, it’ll be fine…
I just answered them, “nah… I need to teach the baby what’s right and what’s wrong…” (ya… 胎教嘛！), ya, that’s in work… there’s RIGHT and WRONG… very straightforward…
For eg. Things like our “favourite” colleague 2face’s doing, it’s just WRONG, you cannot just close 1 eye and pretend that it doesn’t happen… and live with it…
(by the way, actually there’s new “season” about 2face, after the last finale… I shall blog about it some other time…)
Or, for eg. One of our business partner, or rather, vendor… this girl, she liked to comment things like this to me, about our company, about my colleagues, and liked to poke into my work…
- She said, our sales people need to be “educated”,
- One day, I was pissed, as she came to give me some festive gift, but at the same time (maybe she thought she’s given me some gift, she can then have the “pass” to go through my stuff) she was flipping through the documents on my table… asking if there’s anything for her company… I regretted not telling her off there and then, as my reaction came slow… only after she left, I realized what she did was not right… and therefore, I lost my temper a bit
Arrgh… as usual, I deviated from my own thinking most of the time…
Back to breastfeeding…
I’m grateful and thankful that, I’ve a good pregnancy (no morning sickness, no midnight leg cramps, no special food craving, or whatever)
And I’m grateful that, I’m actually enjoying my breastfeeding sessions… (despite all the complications that happened to my assets)
And… at this stage (at this stage only), I’ve to say my motherhood is so far so good…
Not sure about parenthood later… cos, parenting is slightly different…
Baby’s still small… things are simple… I do not really lack of sleep problem (probably also due to my nature, that I normally do sleep at odd hour) and I know… most likely all mothers out there don’t do this… but…
I actually catch up with my loss sleep when I’m nursing…
She eats, I sleep… and she falls asleep, and we both sleep… so, in fact, 1/3 of the day, she’s sleeping on my lap, or, technically, in my arms…
Then, she’s hungry, wakes up, I switch side, nurse again, I sleep… she falls asleep again… for about 1/3 to 1/2 of the day… in between, she sometimes wakes up and stays awake for around 45 min to 1 hour, which is the time, she’s most happy and alert of the day (usually it’s in the morning, like 8-9 o’clock) and that I’ll play with her and communicate with her… ya, I know that’s very important for her, and I’ve to stay awake… anyway, after a while, she’ll get hungry/sleepy… and both of us will go back to the same cycle…
That’s why I got “enough” sleep, and that’s why I still have my own precious private time, ie. sitting in front of my computer…
Or… when we’re both supposed to be “wake up” time… we’ll go to the living room, I’ll nurse when she’s hungry, she eats, I watch TV/DVD/my downloaded movies… etc.
In between…
I’ll do my daily housechores a little bit here and there, for eg. Preparing the water for her bath, launderette, dinner… etc.
I’ve to say, thank God, so far so good…
My Crime Series
I started watching CSIs with the CSI Miami… and I used to prefer CSI Miami more than the others… simply because the Cuban guy Eric is pretty cute and I’ve to say, I actually like Calleigh’s voice ^_^
Then, I started to watch CSI NY…
Followed by the original CSI : Crime Scene Investigation..
I used to dislike this original CSI (call it CSI LV)… as I don’t like the leader… not handsome enough, and there weren’t anybody that’s handsome in the show, and Sara’s simply too “not cute”… and Catherine is just too old…
Anyway… as of today…
The “chart” has been reshuffled…
CSI LV, then, Miami, then, NY
Why???
Like I told him… after watching some CSI LV… I found that, the LV one is slightly more real… cos at the same time, I sometimes catch some documentaries on the CI (Crime and Investigation) channel on Astro…
LV feels more real… as the cases presented are very similar to those mentioned in CI, and it’s really more scary… those cases, are more real and you know it may happen to you…
Whole CSI Miami is simply very entertaining… and bright… and loads of bikini… my liking towards CSI Miami is still the same… I hate to say, I kinda like Horatio as the leader… he’s more emotional compared to the rest of the CSI’s leaders… cos, he sometimes would do “funny” things to protect his team and his lab… BUT ya, now I remember, one thing that puts me off a little bit off this franchise is that stupid woman Natalia… goodness… I simply don’t like the view of her in the show… she’s new, but yet, whenever she approaches the crime scene, her style is just intolerable, cos, she did it as if she’s the best crime scene analyst and she could do it easily and relaxingly, unlike the serious others… hey! Even Calleigh is more senior than her, she’s at least SERIOUS about her job… and this bitch has slept with both the guys in the show… goodness!
Grissom, I just refer him as “fei lou” (fatty in Cantonese) is very smart and hands-on, but arrghh… not handsome leh~~ not handsome nevermind, not even adorable…
(oh now, he’s ‘retired’ from the role and they put a new role, by Lawrence Fishburne, I actually like this new role… I thought it’s a good move for CSI LV)
And for CSI NY, what shall I say…
I just describe to him as, “very canggih crime”…
The crime and the way of dying of the victims in this franchise is just too “canggih”, and too high-tech…
It only happened in shows…
Ya, it shows that the team is kinda like very intelligent and is capable in solving all the “high-tech” crime… however, it feels a bit unreal…
The only few episodes that caught my full attention are those about the cabby killer…
HOWEVER!!!
After saying all these… my fav is in fact “Criminal Minds”…
Again, one of the reason is I like Thomas Gibson’s role…
And I like Mandy Patinkin as the ex-leader…
I also like David Rossi as the new leader though…
These characters more “exotic” compares to the other crime series..
And again… the cases presented in these series CAN happen in the real world… that’s why I find them interesting…
But of course, if Astro also shows
“Close to home”
“The Closer”
I will watch also…
These shows are usually shown on StarWorld, with CSIs on AXN (now you know my fav channels huh!)
But something on Hallmark I’ll also watch, if I manage to catch them,
Ie. “Law and Order” (Criminal Intent and SVU), Without A Trace
Kekekekeke…
Then, I started to watch CSI NY…
Followed by the original CSI : Crime Scene Investigation..
I used to dislike this original CSI (call it CSI LV)… as I don’t like the leader… not handsome enough, and there weren’t anybody that’s handsome in the show, and Sara’s simply too “not cute”… and Catherine is just too old…
Anyway… as of today…
The “chart” has been reshuffled…
CSI LV, then, Miami, then, NY
Why???
Like I told him… after watching some CSI LV… I found that, the LV one is slightly more real… cos at the same time, I sometimes catch some documentaries on the CI (Crime and Investigation) channel on Astro…
LV feels more real… as the cases presented are very similar to those mentioned in CI, and it’s really more scary… those cases, are more real and you know it may happen to you…
Whole CSI Miami is simply very entertaining… and bright… and loads of bikini… my liking towards CSI Miami is still the same… I hate to say, I kinda like Horatio as the leader… he’s more emotional compared to the rest of the CSI’s leaders… cos, he sometimes would do “funny” things to protect his team and his lab… BUT ya, now I remember, one thing that puts me off a little bit off this franchise is that stupid woman Natalia… goodness… I simply don’t like the view of her in the show… she’s new, but yet, whenever she approaches the crime scene, her style is just intolerable, cos, she did it as if she’s the best crime scene analyst and she could do it easily and relaxingly, unlike the serious others… hey! Even Calleigh is more senior than her, she’s at least SERIOUS about her job… and this bitch has slept with both the guys in the show… goodness!
Grissom, I just refer him as “fei lou” (fatty in Cantonese) is very smart and hands-on, but arrghh… not handsome leh~~ not handsome nevermind, not even adorable…
(oh now, he’s ‘retired’ from the role and they put a new role, by Lawrence Fishburne, I actually like this new role… I thought it’s a good move for CSI LV)
And for CSI NY, what shall I say…
I just describe to him as, “very canggih crime”…
The crime and the way of dying of the victims in this franchise is just too “canggih”, and too high-tech…
It only happened in shows…
Ya, it shows that the team is kinda like very intelligent and is capable in solving all the “high-tech” crime… however, it feels a bit unreal…
The only few episodes that caught my full attention are those about the cabby killer…
HOWEVER!!!
After saying all these… my fav is in fact “Criminal Minds”…
Again, one of the reason is I like Thomas Gibson’s role…
And I like Mandy Patinkin as the ex-leader…
I also like David Rossi as the new leader though…
These characters more “exotic” compares to the other crime series..
And again… the cases presented in these series CAN happen in the real world… that’s why I find them interesting…
But of course, if Astro also shows
“Close to home”
“The Closer”
I will watch also…
These shows are usually shown on StarWorld, with CSIs on AXN (now you know my fav channels huh!)
But something on Hallmark I’ll also watch, if I manage to catch them,
Ie. “Law and Order” (Criminal Intent and SVU), Without A Trace
Kekekekeke…
Low-E Buffoon
I do not like to deal with people who likes to quote others…
I really do not like…
In work, I’ve always advised my colleague, who’ll be taking over my job that, to gain the trust from our business partners, don’t quote them… then… they’ll tell you all information that you’ll need… cos, they know that you’ll not betray them…
I really hate people who quote others…
It’s like… these people do not have a mind of their own
They’ll tell you, “boss says cannot bla bla bla… boss says you must bla bla bla…” and so on…
That’s in work…
In other aspect of daily live…
Sometimes we hear one family member says, “your uncle said you should not bla bla bla… “ (or your father, your brother, your auntie, your grandpa, your grandma, your whoever”…
Damn!!! Isn’t it??? Can I kick your ass??
So, what say you???
I thought these people basically has no confidence in themselves…
And I just use the very simple way to deal with them…
I live myself this simple way
If Mr. A says I cannot bla bla bla…
Then, Mr. A shall come upon and tell me himself…
You don’t have to quote others…
You really just don’t have to quote others…
If you don’t even have the guts to tell me what’s actually in your mind, then, please, just keep your mouth shut!
Will you?
Another obvious trait of this sort of people is,
They very often, or, rather, ALWAYS tell you that, they’re OK WITH ANYTHING
In English, “I’m ok with anything”, “anything’s fine”
In Chinese, “我很隨便的！” （哼！放你的大屁！）
In Cantonese, “ngo mat yeh dou dat”, “ngo hou choi bien ge” (bluek!)
Can I double-kick your ass then!!
Oh ya, why I said “Low-E Buffoon”???
Low-E, ie. low EQ… I posted this Signs of High and Low EQ
Oh… just refer to the Signs of Low EQ portion can liao!
And “buffoon”… haha, that’s just additional “items”, cos, I was watching this boston legal episode, which I’ve watched before, and it’s about that buffoon guy, which I remember blogging about it…
And I thought, ya… Low-E people… oh, are worse than being a buffoon!!
I really do not like…
In work, I’ve always advised my colleague, who’ll be taking over my job that, to gain the trust from our business partners, don’t quote them… then… they’ll tell you all information that you’ll need… cos, they know that you’ll not betray them…
I really hate people who quote others…
It’s like… these people do not have a mind of their own
They’ll tell you, “boss says cannot bla bla bla… boss says you must bla bla bla…” and so on…
That’s in work…
In other aspect of daily live…
Sometimes we hear one family member says, “your uncle said you should not bla bla bla… “ (or your father, your brother, your auntie, your grandpa, your grandma, your whoever”…
Damn!!! Isn’t it??? Can I kick your ass??
So, what say you???
I thought these people basically has no confidence in themselves…
And I just use the very simple way to deal with them…
I live myself this simple way
If Mr. A says I cannot bla bla bla…
Then, Mr. A shall come upon and tell me himself…
You don’t have to quote others…
You really just don’t have to quote others…
If you don’t even have the guts to tell me what’s actually in your mind, then, please, just keep your mouth shut!
Will you?
Another obvious trait of this sort of people is,
They very often, or, rather, ALWAYS tell you that, they’re OK WITH ANYTHING
In English, “I’m ok with anything”, “anything’s fine”
In Chinese, “我很隨便的！” （哼！放你的大屁！）
In Cantonese, “ngo mat yeh dou dat”, “ngo hou choi bien ge” (bluek!)
Can I double-kick your ass then!!
Oh ya, why I said “Low-E Buffoon”???
Low-E, ie. low EQ… I posted this Signs of High and Low EQ
Oh… just refer to the Signs of Low EQ portion can liao!
And “buffoon”… haha, that’s just additional “items”, cos, I was watching this boston legal episode, which I’ve watched before, and it’s about that buffoon guy, which I remember blogging about it…
And I thought, ya… Low-E people… oh, are worse than being a buffoon!!
2009-06-21
sweetest voice
Don’t get it wrong… she hasn’t started calling us “papa”, or “mama” yet…
Not so soon…
But it’s already good enough…
That morning, after nursing her… I put her back to her playpen, expecting her to sleep…
That’s 7 something in the morning, if I’ve not remembered wrongly…
And I was preparing to catch my own sleep too…
Then, I hear her “ao…”, “ah…”, “ou…”
Not her cry…
Just very sweet little voice coming out from her…
SO SWEET and cute!!!
I got up and look at her…
She’s talking to the 3 little bears hanging above her head in the playpen…
Yor~~~~~~
So ‘ke ai’ man!!!
Ah… I couldn’t sleep anymore…
When she’s ready/prepared to talk…
It’s golden time for me to bring her to the front of me and start communicating with her…
Goodness… her voice’s simply too cute and sweet…
Ya… I can’t forget that morning
The sweetest voice I’ve heard…
From little baby…
Baby, mama love you love you
Not so soon…
But it’s already good enough…
That morning, after nursing her… I put her back to her playpen, expecting her to sleep…
That’s 7 something in the morning, if I’ve not remembered wrongly…
And I was preparing to catch my own sleep too…
Then, I hear her “ao…”, “ah…”, “ou…”
Not her cry…
Just very sweet little voice coming out from her…
SO SWEET and cute!!!
I got up and look at her…
She’s talking to the 3 little bears hanging above her head in the playpen…
Yor~~~~~~
So ‘ke ai’ man!!!
Ah… I couldn’t sleep anymore…
When she’s ready/prepared to talk…
It’s golden time for me to bring her to the front of me and start communicating with her…
Goodness… her voice’s simply too cute and sweet…
Ya… I can’t forget that morning
The sweetest voice I’ve heard…
From little baby…
Baby, mama love you love you
diary vs. blog
ya… one by one…
since I was organising my files on my PC, ya, not just on my PC, but also, between PC and my external hdd…
(oh, just for your information, due to my great management skill, now, I’ve spare 3 ‘biji’ of external hdd, which equals to 280GB of free space, yatta~~~)
Ok ok…
Since I was organising my files… and merging all my older files that’s been scattered across different media… different type of folders and bla bla bla…
I came to realize that things have changed…
Did I mention I started writing diary since I was around 12???
Ya that time… don’t know why, I felt a bit of guilt by keeping a diary, and I’d to keep it in my drawer, hidden at the bottom of my drawer, but luckily, I never had nosy parents who like to dig into my stuff, and my parents also did not help “tidy” up my belongings on the regular basis… that’s good…
Kids just need to learn how to tidy up their own belongings right??
So, after so many years, I’ve written a lot of things… from 1 book to 1 book of diaries during the secondary school to uni days…
Then, after I started work, after my brother taught me how to use the Chinese fonts on Windows… I started doing it on the computer…
When I first had my twinhead in 2004…
I guess, from after uni, ie. 1997 to around 2004, there’s a void, that I don’t write anything…
I guess… cos, I really will not be able to find any trails…
Diary, I can find them… as in real hard copy diaries…
Digital forms… I still keep them… that’s why I was busy reorganizing last night…
Anyway…
I came to realize… before I started blogging, I wrote quite a lot of diaries… especially when I traveled with him… one of the main thing that I jot down most were about my dreams… ya, during those free days, when I could afford to sleep damn a lot, I had a lot of dreams, dreams that when I got up, I still can remember, and therefore I jot them down… it’s kinda interesting when you read back… and of course, if you ask me, it’s worth the effort to jot down…
That’s before my blogging days…
And when I started the multiply blog…
What I realize is…
I write for people to see more than I write in the mean of talking to myself…
I guess… I shall start doing that again…
It’s good to talk to yourself…
Maybe it works for type of people like me (but what’s the “type”, nah, don’t know)
I’d recorded a lot prior to my blogging day… it’s about everything, ya, dreams that I had, events that happened, unhappiness… darkness… and so on… every single things.. but nowadays, I don’t write in such manner anymore
Cos, I write in the mean for people to see… so, it’s kind of like… it’s developed a pattern for me to write, and I couldn’t get out of the pattern…
Aren’t we all the same, most of the time?
When we’re in new place, we can be the real person or a totally ‘different’ person as who we normally are, in our daily life…
However… that won’t last long… once we gotta know people, we started this pattern…
Cos, we know that, there’re people who know us… and we’ve to “live up to expectation”, and then… and then…
We become a person who we want and at the same time, others expect us to be…
And then, we sometimes find it tiring… cos, that’s not the real person we want to be… we just want to be ourselves, right??
I’m not sure about others… but as for me, it’s not easy… it’s just a vicious circle… I simply can’t get out of it… I’ll only say… throughout each change, it makes me a ‘better’ person… ie. a person that’s closer to the real person that I want to be… that’s why, I like changes of environment…
And that’s why I like making new friends…
AND that’s why I appreciate my friends a lot… cos, in a way, they’re one of the factors of “making” the ME today…
Anyway… where am I now??
I should be staying on the topic of diary vs. blog??
Ya… diary, I used to call it 心情錄，I use it as a tool of talking to myself… so, it really can be very very very personal
But blog… eh… everybody knows what it is ^_^
since I was organising my files on my PC, ya, not just on my PC, but also, between PC and my external hdd…
(oh, just for your information, due to my great management skill, now, I’ve spare 3 ‘biji’ of external hdd, which equals to 280GB of free space, yatta~~~)
Ok ok…
Since I was organising my files… and merging all my older files that’s been scattered across different media… different type of folders and bla bla bla…
I came to realize that things have changed…
Did I mention I started writing diary since I was around 12???
Ya that time… don’t know why, I felt a bit of guilt by keeping a diary, and I’d to keep it in my drawer, hidden at the bottom of my drawer, but luckily, I never had nosy parents who like to dig into my stuff, and my parents also did not help “tidy” up my belongings on the regular basis… that’s good…
Kids just need to learn how to tidy up their own belongings right??
So, after so many years, I’ve written a lot of things… from 1 book to 1 book of diaries during the secondary school to uni days…
Then, after I started work, after my brother taught me how to use the Chinese fonts on Windows… I started doing it on the computer…
When I first had my twinhead in 2004…
I guess, from after uni, ie. 1997 to around 2004, there’s a void, that I don’t write anything…
I guess… cos, I really will not be able to find any trails…
Diary, I can find them… as in real hard copy diaries…
Digital forms… I still keep them… that’s why I was busy reorganizing last night…
Anyway…
I came to realize… before I started blogging, I wrote quite a lot of diaries… especially when I traveled with him… one of the main thing that I jot down most were about my dreams… ya, during those free days, when I could afford to sleep damn a lot, I had a lot of dreams, dreams that when I got up, I still can remember, and therefore I jot them down… it’s kinda interesting when you read back… and of course, if you ask me, it’s worth the effort to jot down…
That’s before my blogging days…
And when I started the multiply blog…
What I realize is…
I write for people to see more than I write in the mean of talking to myself…
I guess… I shall start doing that again…
It’s good to talk to yourself…
Maybe it works for type of people like me (but what’s the “type”, nah, don’t know)
I’d recorded a lot prior to my blogging day… it’s about everything, ya, dreams that I had, events that happened, unhappiness… darkness… and so on… every single things.. but nowadays, I don’t write in such manner anymore
Cos, I write in the mean for people to see… so, it’s kind of like… it’s developed a pattern for me to write, and I couldn’t get out of the pattern…
Aren’t we all the same, most of the time?
When we’re in new place, we can be the real person or a totally ‘different’ person as who we normally are, in our daily life…
However… that won’t last long… once we gotta know people, we started this pattern…
Cos, we know that, there’re people who know us… and we’ve to “live up to expectation”, and then… and then…
We become a person who we want and at the same time, others expect us to be…
And then, we sometimes find it tiring… cos, that’s not the real person we want to be… we just want to be ourselves, right??
I’m not sure about others… but as for me, it’s not easy… it’s just a vicious circle… I simply can’t get out of it… I’ll only say… throughout each change, it makes me a ‘better’ person… ie. a person that’s closer to the real person that I want to be… that’s why, I like changes of environment…
And that’s why I like making new friends…
AND that’s why I appreciate my friends a lot… cos, in a way, they’re one of the factors of “making” the ME today…
Anyway… where am I now??
I should be staying on the topic of diary vs. blog??
Ya… diary, I used to call it 心情錄，I use it as a tool of talking to myself… so, it really can be very very very personal
But blog… eh… everybody knows what it is ^_^
Data Management
On Thursday, we got our new desktop PC from dell… ya I ordered online, I thought it’s quite a good deal though… well, at least, I think it’s worth the money, RM2589 (ask me the specs separately, k?)
And because of this “event”…
I was having some ‘headache’… before it arrives, and after it’s arrived…
Before…
I keep “rehearsing” in my head, how I should organize the wiring at workstation… call it a workstation, but it’s just this mini cute little “workstation” from IKEA, which cost around RM300 if I’ve not remembered wrongly…
Basically there’re 3 things in my mind, that I’ve to resolved, before, and after the PC arrives
1. The wiring
2. My data (well… some of you may knows, I’ve tones of digital junks, which 80% is my downloaded movies, jdorama, and series) which.. also means… how I should utilize my hard-disk, ya, external ones, some need power, some portable, again, ask me separately if you want to know how many of them, ^_^)
3. After setting up everything, last things… my files… my outlook .pst files… and so on… how I should reorganize them… cos, I’ll be using this desktop extensively (for so many years, I’ve been using the twinhead notebook, and for the past 2 years, the notebook provided by my company)
That’s it… that’s the list, but because of that, I was having slight ‘headache’… ya, I’m the type of person, once I’ve these things (unsettled things) in mind, I can’t really sleep, I just have to carry it out and complete it… anxiety… (one of my friends once asked me to watch “Monk”, after she came to know that, I’ve such type of “anxiety”… haha!)
So… as I’m blogging now… everything’s settled.. and the price?? I’ve a slight flu…
AND since I’m breastfeeding my little baby, can I still continue… I once doubted… but then, I came about this article from one of those baby website… it says, I should continue… cos, the antibody that I’m developing now, will be passed to her… wow!! Great then… ^_^ (03:59)
And because of this “event”…
I was having some ‘headache’… before it arrives, and after it’s arrived…
Before…
I keep “rehearsing” in my head, how I should organize the wiring at workstation… call it a workstation, but it’s just this mini cute little “workstation” from IKEA, which cost around RM300 if I’ve not remembered wrongly…
Basically there’re 3 things in my mind, that I’ve to resolved, before, and after the PC arrives
1. The wiring
2. My data (well… some of you may knows, I’ve tones of digital junks, which 80% is my downloaded movies, jdorama, and series) which.. also means… how I should utilize my hard-disk, ya, external ones, some need power, some portable, again, ask me separately if you want to know how many of them, ^_^)
3. After setting up everything, last things… my files… my outlook .pst files… and so on… how I should reorganize them… cos, I’ll be using this desktop extensively (for so many years, I’ve been using the twinhead notebook, and for the past 2 years, the notebook provided by my company)
That’s it… that’s the list, but because of that, I was having slight ‘headache’… ya, I’m the type of person, once I’ve these things (unsettled things) in mind, I can’t really sleep, I just have to carry it out and complete it… anxiety… (one of my friends once asked me to watch “Monk”, after she came to know that, I’ve such type of “anxiety”… haha!)
So… as I’m blogging now… everything’s settled.. and the price?? I’ve a slight flu…
AND since I’m breastfeeding my little baby, can I still continue… I once doubted… but then, I came about this article from one of those baby website… it says, I should continue… cos, the antibody that I’m developing now, will be passed to her… wow!! Great then… ^_^ (03:59)
~~~tHe jOURney of ThE BREASTS~~~ (Part IV)
So what now?
What happens now is… big mama here has oversupply/overabundant milk problem…
Sabishii~~~~~~ T_T
It started around 2 weekends ago,
Little baby started crying during nursing, in the afternoon..
Later I found out, it’s because of this “forceful let-down” (I’m not going into details on all these terms, as it can be google’ed)
For around 2 weeks, every evening, both of us are as frustrated as each other…
She cries, but she’s hungry, I tried all positions… most of the time… she cries…
She’s giving all these colic-like symptoms (oh ya… after today’s check, it’s only colic-like, not colic… phew…)
The problem with oversupply and thus forceful letdown is…
Well… at first, I was still trying my luck, by maybe ‘forcing’ her to latch on… by pressing on her little head (aiyo!!! Poor little thing)
But then… I realised, forceful letdown… it’s just like
1. When you watch movies… the bad people force something down your throat when they capture you, and tie you up… arggh… nobody likes it
2. Or, when somebody takes a pipe and spray on you with jet of water… arrghh… I don’t like it either…
So… it’s like baby has to deal with this type of “situation” almost every evening…
Poor little thing…
That’s why, some mothers wish they’ve more milk.. but fulltime nursing mother like me… probably hopes that, I’ve slightly less milk…
And guess what again??
As of this evening, we found that, she’s a drop of greenish stool in her diaper…
After some ‘research’… hai… it’s foremilk-hindmilk imbalance…
However… luckily, I managed to find some ‘resolution’ on the internet…
And I shall try the remedies…
http://breastfeeding.hypermart.net/toomuchmilk.html
What happens now is… big mama here has oversupply/overabundant milk problem…
Sabishii~~~~~~ T_T
It started around 2 weekends ago,
Little baby started crying during nursing, in the afternoon..
Later I found out, it’s because of this “forceful let-down” (I’m not going into details on all these terms, as it can be google’ed)
For around 2 weeks, every evening, both of us are as frustrated as each other…
She cries, but she’s hungry, I tried all positions… most of the time… she cries…
She’s giving all these colic-like symptoms (oh ya… after today’s check, it’s only colic-like, not colic… phew…)
The problem with oversupply and thus forceful letdown is…
Well… at first, I was still trying my luck, by maybe ‘forcing’ her to latch on… by pressing on her little head (aiyo!!! Poor little thing)
But then… I realised, forceful letdown… it’s just like
1. When you watch movies… the bad people force something down your throat when they capture you, and tie you up… arggh… nobody likes it
2. Or, when somebody takes a pipe and spray on you with jet of water… arrghh… I don’t like it either…
So… it’s like baby has to deal with this type of “situation” almost every evening…
Poor little thing…
That’s why, some mothers wish they’ve more milk.. but fulltime nursing mother like me… probably hopes that, I’ve slightly less milk…
And guess what again??
As of this evening, we found that, she’s a drop of greenish stool in her diaper…
After some ‘research’… hai… it’s foremilk-hindmilk imbalance…
However… luckily, I managed to find some ‘resolution’ on the internet…
And I shall try the remedies…
http://breastfeeding.hypermart.net/toomuchmilk.html
2009-06-05
nightmare, sweetdream, life
whenever i recall...
the day, 2008 March 23 (easter sunday)... when i got the call from my brother...
when we went to pick her up in sarikei, she lied there, quietly, breathlessly...
the whole week of emptiness and pain after this...
a nightmare...
sometimes, i still can't believe all these actually happened (ya, like i've said many time, i STILL can't 100% get over it)
but there's no waking up, cos, it's real...
even though how much i wish, it's just a nightmare
and even though i still have the tendency to want to share the bits and pieces of my life with her, just like i used to sms her everyday, or, call her once in a while... ya, USED to...
and when i hold her in my hands now...
so small... a baby...
i know, most of the women do imagine and visualise themselves having a family, having children... but i rarely did that...
maybe it's simply unimaginable for me...
when i was about to give birth, a lot of people asked me, if i'm nervous, i told them this,
"i'm nervous, not about giving birth itself, but having a baby, a life that's so tiny, in front of me, in my arms... and i really can't imagine what i'm going to do with her"....
however, everything had happened, and everything had come real...
however... when i hold her in my arms, i sometimes, still can't believe, this is real...
as in.. choong's having a baby...
i never thought, choong & baby, can be in 1 space, 1 time, together...
ya, serious, i never thought about it...
and "choong" & "baby", somehow just sound funny when put together...
but whenever i have her in my arms, feel the warmth, hear her cry... feel her wiggling movement, saw her smile...
ya... it's real huh!!!
it's like a dream, that's so sweet... but in the end... it's actually real...
there're moments in my life...
i sometimes thought, it's just dream... it's all just dream...
however... i know... these are real events in A life that i'm living in now...
the day, 2008 March 23 (easter sunday)... when i got the call from my brother...
when we went to pick her up in sarikei, she lied there, quietly, breathlessly...
the whole week of emptiness and pain after this...
a nightmare...
sometimes, i still can't believe all these actually happened (ya, like i've said many time, i STILL can't 100% get over it)
but there's no waking up, cos, it's real...
even though how much i wish, it's just a nightmare
and even though i still have the tendency to want to share the bits and pieces of my life with her, just like i used to sms her everyday, or, call her once in a while... ya, USED to...
and when i hold her in my hands now...
so small... a baby...
i know, most of the women do imagine and visualise themselves having a family, having children... but i rarely did that...
maybe it's simply unimaginable for me...
when i was about to give birth, a lot of people asked me, if i'm nervous, i told them this,
"i'm nervous, not about giving birth itself, but having a baby, a life that's so tiny, in front of me, in my arms... and i really can't imagine what i'm going to do with her"....
however, everything had happened, and everything had come real...
however... when i hold her in my arms, i sometimes, still can't believe, this is real...
as in.. choong's having a baby...
i never thought, choong & baby, can be in 1 space, 1 time, together...
ya, serious, i never thought about it...
and "choong" & "baby", somehow just sound funny when put together...
but whenever i have her in my arms, feel the warmth, hear her cry... feel her wiggling movement, saw her smile...
ya... it's real huh!!!
it's like a dream, that's so sweet... but in the end... it's actually real...
there're moments in my life...
i sometimes thought, it's just dream... it's all just dream...
however... i know... these are real events in A life that i'm living in now...
2009-06-03
a DIGITAL world
I was doing my third photobook - the compilation of photos, when we're in Shanghai, China, in year 2004
while doing the photobook, I just realized, how little photos I have taken... regret, regret and tonnes of regret!! sigh...
.....................
The previous 2 photobooks, 1. Tokyo, 2. Melbourne
Tokyo - many photos, but when I was digging our own trip in year 2006 (went there with friends in year 2008) while doing the photobook, again, "why the photos taken were just so few??? why??????"
Melbourne - ok... good-enough number of photos for me to play with
.....................
Today, I received my China photobook... we're flipping through it
AND there were just soooooooooooooooo few pre-Shanghai's - ie. HongKong/Macau photos...
I was just sitting there, simply regretting... and even start to wonder why there're just so few photos for me to do photobook (ya, I'm kinda addicted to photobook in fact, simply love it)
suddenly... he realized first, and told me...
we've just got our digital camera when we're in HongKong, year 2004, Olympus Z-1
with a pathetic 128MB of memory card...
YA!!!!! DAMN PATHETIC, I'VE TO SAY!!!!!
when we went to Tokyo 2006, again, we went with this camera (though a good digital camera) with the 128MB memory... SIMPLY PATHETIC RIGHT?????
that's the super duper pathetic reason, why my tokyo photos during that time were just so few...
and now, I can recall the painful every single nights, after going around tokyo with the 128MB of space that we can store our pictures for that day, I've to go to the common area (we're staying in youth hostel) to try to fight for a PC and transfer the photos to my whatever drive that I have in hand...
again... another part of PATHETIC story... we only brought our super duper small flash drive - again 128MB (ya, that time, it's kinda big... my first flash drive by Omega) and LUCKILY I brought the 1GB iPOD Shuffle there and at least, I've 1GB extra to store... but serious... it's just... besides being sadly pathetic, I really don't know how to describe ourselves that time...
every night... I went to the common area, to transfer the pictures...
when we went to Australia... ya, we finally bought another 1GB memory card for our Olympus... FINALLY!!!
finally the camera has more space to grow... and capture more memory...
......................
in year 2008, we planned the tokyo trip with our friends...
as the Olympus that we've, while it's made (in year 2004, or earlier, I don't know the history) it's not made for bigger memory card... ie. it took hell-a-long time to startup...
"how to use this for travel??"
and since nowadays, we've much much more choice with much much more bigger capacity that we can have... sometimes, even for free...
we bought a casio exilim...
ya, it's something that I just couldn't get over with, when I saw his colleague using a casio exilim, which she could happily put it in a simple leather card holder, unlike our Olympus camera, which is much more thicker to fit in anything, besides its own brand's cover...
finally after awaiting for 2 years, I got an exilim...
........................
and this time we went to tokyo, fully prepared...
since I've "acquired" quite a couple of flash drives (with bigger capacity, for eg. 2GB, 4GB)
and since our exilim itself comes with 1GB memory too...
I was happily snapping away anything that we came into, when we're in Tokyo...
........................
like what my friend said, "aiya, if not nice, later can delete" (haha, she said that, while she's taking a photo of me - on my wedding day, ironically funny!)
like what my other friend said, "film is cheap, travel is expensive" (that's when we're still using the CANON "dummy" camera, with 24 / 36 frames of roll of negatives - can't remember how much each roll of film cost though) - now, it's rephrased to "travel is expensive, digital photos are almost FREE!!"
.........................
that's why~~~ I love technology...
it really has made our lives got much more convenient, better and better...
and look at me...
I'm taking photos of our new member in the house - baby, almost every day, at every few hours...
and neither he, nor me, can hardly find more than 10 photos of our BABY-TIME photos when we're at that age... (most commonly is that precious ONE photo at maybe 1 or 3 months, where our parents brought us to one of the local studio, put us on the chair, and SNAP!)
life...
time...
technology...
life...
hai...
AND I love technology... most importantly handphone is a camera...
simply~~ convenient~~
while doing the photobook, I just realized, how little photos I have taken... regret, regret and tonnes of regret!! sigh...
.....................
The previous 2 photobooks, 1. Tokyo, 2. Melbourne
Tokyo - many photos, but when I was digging our own trip in year 2006 (went there with friends in year 2008) while doing the photobook, again, "why the photos taken were just so few??? why??????"
Melbourne - ok... good-enough number of photos for me to play with
.....................
Today, I received my China photobook... we're flipping through it
AND there were just soooooooooooooooo few pre-Shanghai's - ie. HongKong/Macau photos...
I was just sitting there, simply regretting... and even start to wonder why there're just so few photos for me to do photobook (ya, I'm kinda addicted to photobook in fact, simply love it)
suddenly... he realized first, and told me...
we've just got our digital camera when we're in HongKong, year 2004, Olympus Z-1
with a pathetic 128MB of memory card...
YA!!!!! DAMN PATHETIC, I'VE TO SAY!!!!!
when we went to Tokyo 2006, again, we went with this camera (though a good digital camera) with the 128MB memory... SIMPLY PATHETIC RIGHT?????
that's the super duper pathetic reason, why my tokyo photos during that time were just so few...
and now, I can recall the painful every single nights, after going around tokyo with the 128MB of space that we can store our pictures for that day, I've to go to the common area (we're staying in youth hostel) to try to fight for a PC and transfer the photos to my whatever drive that I have in hand...
again... another part of PATHETIC story... we only brought our super duper small flash drive - again 128MB (ya, that time, it's kinda big... my first flash drive by Omega) and LUCKILY I brought the 1GB iPOD Shuffle there and at least, I've 1GB extra to store... but serious... it's just... besides being sadly pathetic, I really don't know how to describe ourselves that time...
every night... I went to the common area, to transfer the pictures...
when we went to Australia... ya, we finally bought another 1GB memory card for our Olympus... FINALLY!!!
finally the camera has more space to grow... and capture more memory...
......................
in year 2008, we planned the tokyo trip with our friends...
as the Olympus that we've, while it's made (in year 2004, or earlier, I don't know the history) it's not made for bigger memory card... ie. it took hell-a-long time to startup...
"how to use this for travel??"
and since nowadays, we've much much more choice with much much more bigger capacity that we can have... sometimes, even for free...
we bought a casio exilim...
ya, it's something that I just couldn't get over with, when I saw his colleague using a casio exilim, which she could happily put it in a simple leather card holder, unlike our Olympus camera, which is much more thicker to fit in anything, besides its own brand's cover...
finally after awaiting for 2 years, I got an exilim...
........................
and this time we went to tokyo, fully prepared...
since I've "acquired" quite a couple of flash drives (with bigger capacity, for eg. 2GB, 4GB)
and since our exilim itself comes with 1GB memory too...
I was happily snapping away anything that we came into, when we're in Tokyo...
........................
like what my friend said, "aiya, if not nice, later can delete" (haha, she said that, while she's taking a photo of me - on my wedding day, ironically funny!)
like what my other friend said, "film is cheap, travel is expensive" (that's when we're still using the CANON "dummy" camera, with 24 / 36 frames of roll of negatives - can't remember how much each roll of film cost though) - now, it's rephrased to "travel is expensive, digital photos are almost FREE!!"
.........................
that's why~~~ I love technology...
it really has made our lives got much more convenient, better and better...
and look at me...
I'm taking photos of our new member in the house - baby, almost every day, at every few hours...
and neither he, nor me, can hardly find more than 10 photos of our BABY-TIME photos when we're at that age... (most commonly is that precious ONE photo at maybe 1 or 3 months, where our parents brought us to one of the local studio, put us on the chair, and SNAP!)
life...
time...
technology...
life...
hai...
AND I love technology... most importantly handphone is a camera...
simply~~ convenient~~
2009-05-22
Conversation between Father and Daughter
people said (ok, those official articles about babies) that, babies cry to communicate, as the only thing they can do, is to cry...
but whenever she cries (maybe father is really bad at facing daughter's tears)...
below is what i hear...
"yes, i understand, i understand, i know i know"
"ngieh~~~~~~~~~~"
"papa understand, papa understand... you don't cry"
"ngieh~~~~~~~ ngieh~~~~~~~~" (even louder)
i can't help but to laugh at this type of interaction
i told him, ya, you understand, but she doesn't understand that you understand...
^_^
or
when he's changing diaper for her...
he talk talk talk
she, in the changing tray... ngeh~~~
....... then, the above "conversation" repeats...
mother's sleeping in bed ^_^
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..........................
but whenever she cries (maybe father is really bad at facing daughter's tears)...
below is what i hear...
"yes, i understand, i understand, i know i know"
"ngieh~~~~~~~~~~"
"papa understand, papa understand... you don't cry"
"ngieh~~~~~~~ ngieh~~~~~~~~" (even louder)
i can't help but to laugh at this type of interaction
i told him, ya, you understand, but she doesn't understand that you understand...
^_^
or
when he's changing diaper for her...
he talk talk talk
she, in the changing tray... ngeh~~~
....... then, the above "conversation" repeats...
mother's sleeping in bed ^_^
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..........................
Glowing Egg
we've a new "toy" in our room...
he saw it on the mothercare catalogue and said it's very cute, so, he wanted one... but mothercare MY does not have, so, we've our friend to help us to get it in mothercare SG...
i ask him to get, at whatever price, as he really seems to like it a lot...
then, when i mentioned to him that we're going to get it soon, he asked "how much", i told him, it's SGD50... @_@
anyway i told him that, "instruction has already been channeled out, no calling-back"...
so, when we finally got it, he's "setting it up"
and guess what... as the egg will glow in different colour based on the difference in temperature, he blasted the aircond in our room...
THAT, i've to wrap baby up tight tight, to make sure that she wouldn't get the cold...
but after a few hours, the egg is still RED...
i told him to put in the fridge... ^_^
after using for a few days...
i said this to him about this grobag egg thermometer...
"one thing lack off, is that, it doesn't have a clock, if there's clock function, it'll be perfect" (as at night, when we switch off almost all the light, i've problem seeing time, which i need to keep a note of baby's feeding time, bowel movement time, etc.)
he said,
"if got alarm clock even better"
~_~
then, both of us laugh, as we are really GREEDY huh!!!
if got alarm clock, then, i don't mind if there's radio function too...
seems like we're expecting too much off this egg ^_^
and a radio-clock picture flashed into my mind...
radio-clock which was very popular in UK... when we're there, we've one in the box, should still be functioning...
he saw it on the mothercare catalogue and said it's very cute, so, he wanted one... but mothercare MY does not have, so, we've our friend to help us to get it in mothercare SG...
i ask him to get, at whatever price, as he really seems to like it a lot...
then, when i mentioned to him that we're going to get it soon, he asked "how much", i told him, it's SGD50... @_@
anyway i told him that, "instruction has already been channeled out, no calling-back"...
so, when we finally got it, he's "setting it up"
and guess what... as the egg will glow in different colour based on the difference in temperature, he blasted the aircond in our room...
THAT, i've to wrap baby up tight tight, to make sure that she wouldn't get the cold...
but after a few hours, the egg is still RED...
i told him to put in the fridge... ^_^
after using for a few days...
i said this to him about this grobag egg thermometer...
"one thing lack off, is that, it doesn't have a clock, if there's clock function, it'll be perfect" (as at night, when we switch off almost all the light, i've problem seeing time, which i need to keep a note of baby's feeding time, bowel movement time, etc.)
he said,
"if got alarm clock even better"
~_~
then, both of us laugh, as we are really GREEDY huh!!!
if got alarm clock, then, i don't mind if there's radio function too...
seems like we're expecting too much off this egg ^_^
and a radio-clock picture flashed into my mind...
radio-clock which was very popular in UK... when we're there, we've one in the box, should still be functioning...
with one look… ^_^
this morning, I was playing with her in bed… ya, she got up early today…
usually… I’ll just grab my handphone whenever I see that, she’s “cute”… gosh, I just have to do all these I used to think, “arrgggh” type of MOTHERLY thing… ie. saying that her own children are cute and so on… yikes!!! But, ya… I’m doing it… yikes again!!!
I managed to capture this picture, after my nursing session…
aiyo!!!!!! Drooling man!!
2 days ago, I asked him to start pulling the curtain when he goes out to work
to let her know the difference between day and night…
that’s why I say, I’m THAT “kiasu”…
I’ll really hate to miss all these moments with her as I know, once I miss it, I MISS IT.. no coming back…
everyday she’s different…
usually… I’ll just grab my handphone whenever I see that, she’s “cute”… gosh, I just have to do all these I used to think, “arrgggh” type of MOTHERLY thing… ie. saying that her own children are cute and so on… yikes!!! But, ya… I’m doing it… yikes again!!!
I managed to capture this picture, after my nursing session…
aiyo!!!!!! Drooling man!!
2 days ago, I asked him to start pulling the curtain when he goes out to work
to let her know the difference between day and night…
that’s why I say, I’m THAT “kiasu”…
I’ll really hate to miss all these moments with her as I know, once I miss it, I MISS IT.. no coming back…
everyday she’s different…
~~~tHe jOURney of ThE BREASTS~~~ (Part III)
Ever since I got this mastitis thing, there’s a persistent lump in my breast…
Since I’ve history of “lumpy” breasts (ya… that’s like 10 years ago… after that, I just didn’t bother to follow up, that time, nearly went for operation to take those lumps out… till I went to Dr. Susila in Gleneagle and she told me not to do anything about it, besides doing yearly checkup… else, all milk ducts will be taken away… ya, that’s like 10 years ago, while I was in SLB)
… I was a bit worried…
And a lot of “what if” came into my mind…
As I read from the internet… all about breastfeeding..
What’s mentioned mostly is,
Blocked milk ducts “go away” within 2-3 days, even after your engorgement, if there’s any lumps persist, you should go check it up…
And therefore my “what if”…
What if… after checking, it’s err… my most nightmare worry --> breast cancer???
What if… even it’s not breast cancer, but doctor advise me to go for operation to remove it??
THEN?? Aiya… my baby will have no milk to drink
THEN?? He’ll have no choice but to give her formulae while I’m staying in the hospital after operation??
You know?… that’s the thing about patient…
You know that you’ve to go see doctor and do a thorough checkup, but you’re just scared to know the answer… most of the time I’m like this, I’m really not a very good patient if you ask me…
And finally… today I went to see my dear Dr. Tan in SJMC for my post-natal checkup
Everything is ok, he said, if I were to work out for a second kid, I’ve gotta wait for 6 months… yeh!! It’s good news, cos, again, I read that, some need to wait for 2-3 years…
(however, I think I’ll wait for 2-3 years… when I’ll be “expertise” in handling baby)
Then I mentioned to him about my mastitis which was not treated and that there’s this persistent worrying lump…
And he scanned it for me… ya, look unlike my previous lumps… (which were mainly water cysts)
… he said, he’ll do some extraction to see what’s inside… as from the image, it’s some whitish lump within water…
He said he’ll extract with NEEDLE!!
WHAT??? NEEDLE, poking into my breast??????????????????????????????~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
@_@
“painful or not?” (ya, since Dr. Tan is a man of few words, that’s the ONE question that I normally ask him)
He smiled and told me, just like normal injection…
Arrghh… again… dear all…
I SERIOUSLY HATE THE IDEA OF BEING POKED!!!!!!!
I just hate it… even after experiencing so much poking (during my caesarian, and after that, while I was on drip) I still hate it…
To the extent, even I were to think about it.. it’s still… arrghhh……….
But I guess, as women, you have no choice most of the time… you’ve breasts, you’ve uterus.. these are the things that men don’t have, and these are the things that sometimes, in one stage of your life… you just have to face the “problem” and give them some treatment… and one little thing that you can’t avoid is being poked, and being maybe… ‘cut’… arrgh…
So, he put a needle in there, extract something out… and phew!! He told me, it’s just milk… but since I told him, it’s stubborn and it just won’t go away, he told me, he’ll help me to extract the milk out…
He extracted around 3-4 rounds, to clear the milk inside…
Again, it’s kinda funny process.. I just look at the needle, still on my breast, while he will remove the syringe to pump out the milk extracted, and this… repeated for a couple of time…
And amazingly, really, lump gone!!
So, it’s really a blocked milk duct, and a damn stubborn one…
But at least, my “what if” won’t come true… and little baby will still have continuous supply of milk… ^_^
Since I’ve history of “lumpy” breasts (ya… that’s like 10 years ago… after that, I just didn’t bother to follow up, that time, nearly went for operation to take those lumps out… till I went to Dr. Susila in Gleneagle and she told me not to do anything about it, besides doing yearly checkup… else, all milk ducts will be taken away… ya, that’s like 10 years ago, while I was in SLB)
… I was a bit worried…
And a lot of “what if” came into my mind…
As I read from the internet… all about breastfeeding..
What’s mentioned mostly is,
Blocked milk ducts “go away” within 2-3 days, even after your engorgement, if there’s any lumps persist, you should go check it up…
And therefore my “what if”…
What if… after checking, it’s err… my most nightmare worry --> breast cancer???
What if… even it’s not breast cancer, but doctor advise me to go for operation to remove it??
THEN?? Aiya… my baby will have no milk to drink
THEN?? He’ll have no choice but to give her formulae while I’m staying in the hospital after operation??
You know?… that’s the thing about patient…
You know that you’ve to go see doctor and do a thorough checkup, but you’re just scared to know the answer… most of the time I’m like this, I’m really not a very good patient if you ask me…
And finally… today I went to see my dear Dr. Tan in SJMC for my post-natal checkup
Everything is ok, he said, if I were to work out for a second kid, I’ve gotta wait for 6 months… yeh!! It’s good news, cos, again, I read that, some need to wait for 2-3 years…
(however, I think I’ll wait for 2-3 years… when I’ll be “expertise” in handling baby)
Then I mentioned to him about my mastitis which was not treated and that there’s this persistent worrying lump…
And he scanned it for me… ya, look unlike my previous lumps… (which were mainly water cysts)
… he said, he’ll do some extraction to see what’s inside… as from the image, it’s some whitish lump within water…
He said he’ll extract with NEEDLE!!
WHAT??? NEEDLE, poking into my breast??????????????????????????????~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
@_@
“painful or not?” (ya, since Dr. Tan is a man of few words, that’s the ONE question that I normally ask him)
He smiled and told me, just like normal injection…
Arrghh… again… dear all…
I SERIOUSLY HATE THE IDEA OF BEING POKED!!!!!!!
I just hate it… even after experiencing so much poking (during my caesarian, and after that, while I was on drip) I still hate it…
To the extent, even I were to think about it.. it’s still… arrghhh……….
But I guess, as women, you have no choice most of the time… you’ve breasts, you’ve uterus.. these are the things that men don’t have, and these are the things that sometimes, in one stage of your life… you just have to face the “problem” and give them some treatment… and one little thing that you can’t avoid is being poked, and being maybe… ‘cut’… arrgh…
So, he put a needle in there, extract something out… and phew!! He told me, it’s just milk… but since I told him, it’s stubborn and it just won’t go away, he told me, he’ll help me to extract the milk out…
He extracted around 3-4 rounds, to clear the milk inside…
Again, it’s kinda funny process.. I just look at the needle, still on my breast, while he will remove the syringe to pump out the milk extracted, and this… repeated for a couple of time…
And amazingly, really, lump gone!!
So, it’s really a blocked milk duct, and a damn stubborn one…
But at least, my “what if” won’t come true… and little baby will still have continuous supply of milk… ^_^
2009-05-08
I'M a "kiasu" mother!
most of friends/colleagues/relatives know that i've quit (verbally, and am quitting my fulltime job) and will stay at home fulltime to look after baby, and TO COOK!! (contradict to the "tradition", i actually like my own food... don't you always hear those mothers who cook telling you that, as they've inhaled so much of the cooking oil and smell, they've lost the appetite to eat their own cooked food?? but i'm the other way round, i've always preferred my own food)
anyway...
frankly, deep down inside, i still have this little doubt, maybe 1% or maybe 5%, but a little... though decision will not be changed, BUT this "little" thing does count, at least, to me... cos, i'm a perfectionist in that sense, 1% of doubt is still different from 0%, though, result is the same...
doubt is -- if i quit, this will be my life, forever, at least for 10-20 years??
looking after baby, cooking, slowly loosing touch with friends in work?? waiting for him to come back from work, sleep, get up, cycle starts again....
working life vs. stay at home...
doubt, a little bit ONLY...
though i won't change my mind, i told my boss n-th time the other day, when she sms-ed me...
until... that one fine afternoon (in fact, it's bloody hot afternoon)
when i was carrying baby in front of my computer...
yep, there's this thing called mouse, especially on junk like facebook.com, you don't have to type much, just click all the way, and you'll spend your time just like that, therefore, whenever i bring baby out to the living room, either, i'll watch TV with her in my arms, or, surfing the internet, still... with her in my arm...
now, baby is 6-week old... and she starts to smile, make more sound, and more expression on her little face (she smiles/grins just right before she falls asleep, not sure if other babies are like this, or are we like this too??? as this, i reckon, is subconscious smile)
and when she was in my arms, she smiled...
sorry to say,
i behaved like all other mothers... (goodness gracious!!)
i thought, "gosh, that was so cute!!!"
AND that's the moment, the 5% doubt flew away...
i'm not kiasu in the sense that, i think, or i want my baby to be better than others in any aspect, but i'm kiasu...
in the sense that, i hate to miss any moment of her new development...
and that's the time, i know that, i'll not think twice to quit... if i ever go back to work, i'll sure miss all these marvellous moments of her, in her life, and in my life too...
and it will not happen again... i don't want to miss that...
that's how kiasu i am...
i remember one japanese drama...
one of the girl mentioned to a man on top of a bridge a river with beautiful river banks on each side...
she said to the man, "even though, the beautiful scenery is the same, but it's actually not the same, as one is yesterday, and one is today, everyday's different, and therefore, this place is forever beautiful to me, and i'll like to see it everyday, cos, the beauty is different every single day"
same to my baby,
even though she may smile everyday, and most of the time, or she may does whatever she's doing repeatedly...
but everyday is different to me, and also, to her...
anyway...
frankly, deep down inside, i still have this little doubt, maybe 1% or maybe 5%, but a little... though decision will not be changed, BUT this "little" thing does count, at least, to me... cos, i'm a perfectionist in that sense, 1% of doubt is still different from 0%, though, result is the same...
doubt is -- if i quit, this will be my life, forever, at least for 10-20 years??
looking after baby, cooking, slowly loosing touch with friends in work?? waiting for him to come back from work, sleep, get up, cycle starts again....
working life vs. stay at home...
doubt, a little bit ONLY...
though i won't change my mind, i told my boss n-th time the other day, when she sms-ed me...
until... that one fine afternoon (in fact, it's bloody hot afternoon)
when i was carrying baby in front of my computer...
yep, there's this thing called mouse, especially on junk like facebook.com, you don't have to type much, just click all the way, and you'll spend your time just like that, therefore, whenever i bring baby out to the living room, either, i'll watch TV with her in my arms, or, surfing the internet, still... with her in my arm...
now, baby is 6-week old... and she starts to smile, make more sound, and more expression on her little face (she smiles/grins just right before she falls asleep, not sure if other babies are like this, or are we like this too??? as this, i reckon, is subconscious smile)
and when she was in my arms, she smiled...
sorry to say,
i behaved like all other mothers... (goodness gracious!!)
i thought, "gosh, that was so cute!!!"
AND that's the moment, the 5% doubt flew away...
i'm not kiasu in the sense that, i think, or i want my baby to be better than others in any aspect, but i'm kiasu...
in the sense that, i hate to miss any moment of her new development...
and that's the time, i know that, i'll not think twice to quit... if i ever go back to work, i'll sure miss all these marvellous moments of her, in her life, and in my life too...
and it will not happen again... i don't want to miss that...
that's how kiasu i am...
i remember one japanese drama...
one of the girl mentioned to a man on top of a bridge a river with beautiful river banks on each side...
she said to the man, "even though, the beautiful scenery is the same, but it's actually not the same, as one is yesterday, and one is today, everyday's different, and therefore, this place is forever beautiful to me, and i'll like to see it everyday, cos, the beauty is different every single day"
same to my baby,
even though she may smile everyday, and most of the time, or she may does whatever she's doing repeatedly...
but everyday is different to me, and also, to her...
~~~tHe jOURney of ThE BREASTS~~~ (Part II)
ok.. now, my second encounter...
called, OVERSUPPLY!!!
or, forceful let-down.. or whatever you call...
well, it's not so much a problem...
please read this first,
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/supply/fast-letdown.html
this kellymom website is pretty informative
also, all the babycenter.com.my, babycenter.com, drgreene.com, etc.
it started as, since 2-3 days ago, baby kept spitting up after each feeding...
spit up a lot, i was getting worried, of course, worried that she would not get enough milk
and again, i went to do my full-length research online...
she maybe colicky??
i researched researched...
after doing some readup, the first thing i decided to try is to cut something out of my diet...
as since last sunday, after the stupid confinement lady went back (oh ya, i've not written about how stupid she was, later...)
i started to cook, and after a full ginger month, i want my garlic back..
BUT apparently garlic may cause baby to spit up???
ok, i cut lo!!
but before i actually cut, i read about this forceful let-down thing...
and i read and read and read, while experimenting...
until today i reckon, the problem is really because of my oversupply of milk again...
as even without the breastpump, a simply soft squeeze, there'll be a jet of milk coming out of my breast... again!! it's THAT breast that gave me
mastitis...
and i guess... it's because of me taking the wrong action that cause this problem...
in fact, if you read kellymom's writeup, this is not so much a problem, problem is only the cleaning up part on the baby, once she spitup the milk...
as i was still following up on my past mastitis problem (cos, there's still one lump that won't go away, and i thought by frequent nursing on that
breast, it'll reduce the lump...)
therefore, for 1 day = which is 8-9 sessions, i started on that breast for each feeding, and THAT caused this oversupply and lopsided breasts, in
terms of size... not very obvious, luckily...
due to this frequent nursing on this breast, the milk supply went up... (@_@)
and there comes the problem today...
so, after much research, i changed my position of feeding...
... hopefully it'll get better and HOPEFULLY, my breasts can even out :-(
called, OVERSUPPLY!!!
or, forceful let-down.. or whatever you call...
well, it's not so much a problem...
please read this first,
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/supply/fast-letdown.html
this kellymom website is pretty informative
also, all the babycenter.com.my, babycenter.com, drgreene.com, etc.
it started as, since 2-3 days ago, baby kept spitting up after each feeding...
spit up a lot, i was getting worried, of course, worried that she would not get enough milk
and again, i went to do my full-length research online...
she maybe colicky??
i researched researched...
after doing some readup, the first thing i decided to try is to cut something out of my diet...
as since last sunday, after the stupid confinement lady went back (oh ya, i've not written about how stupid she was, later...)
i started to cook, and after a full ginger month, i want my garlic back..
BUT apparently garlic may cause baby to spit up???
ok, i cut lo!!
but before i actually cut, i read about this forceful let-down thing...
and i read and read and read, while experimenting...
until today i reckon, the problem is really because of my oversupply of milk again...
as even without the breastpump, a simply soft squeeze, there'll be a jet of milk coming out of my breast... again!! it's THAT breast that gave me
mastitis...
and i guess... it's because of me taking the wrong action that cause this problem...
in fact, if you read kellymom's writeup, this is not so much a problem, problem is only the cleaning up part on the baby, once she spitup the milk...
as i was still following up on my past mastitis problem (cos, there's still one lump that won't go away, and i thought by frequent nursing on that
breast, it'll reduce the lump...)
therefore, for 1 day = which is 8-9 sessions, i started on that breast for each feeding, and THAT caused this oversupply and lopsided breasts, in
terms of size... not very obvious, luckily...
due to this frequent nursing on this breast, the milk supply went up... (@_@)
and there comes the problem today...
so, after much research, i changed my position of feeding...
... hopefully it'll get better and HOPEFULLY, my breasts can even out :-(
~~~tHe jOURney of ThE BREASTS~~~ (Part I)
first thing first,
if you're a woman, you can read,
if you're a woman who's had breastfed before and like to see see my sharing of experience, you're welcomed,
if you're a woman, who, in the near future, intend to breastfeed your baby, you're welcomed to read too,
AND
if you're a man, who wants to busybody, be my guest then,
if you're a man, who wants your wife/future wife to breastfeed your baby, you're welcomed too,
if you're a man, who's having a wife who's breastfeeding, you're most welcomed to see see my sharing of experience,
BUT
if you're a man, who's just a man of your own, then, stop here.. don't bother
ok ok...
the journey starts...
i'll skip all the sore nipple, crack nipple part, which is too common,
and i'll start with those common but not too common first, which is my first encounter, and also my first hurdle in my breastfeeding live, since 25th March 2009
after a week plus we came home... (with me curi-curi shower with normal hot water...)
as i was having a very sore nipple, i subsconsciously cut shot the nursing with one of my breasts...
that time, i didn't know the severity were to come... (arrgh!!)
that night, i felt a bit engorged, but then, i ignored... and i started to feel feverish... i thought, oops... is that because of me taking normal water shower??? and i was looking for excuse to tell him (as i insisted to take shower due to the bloody hot weather, despite what everybody said)
i really felt the fever is coming up on me, and that i started to gulp down more water, to try to stop that...
next day, i still kinda ignored, and still conveniently kinda didn't insist baby to feed long on that breast
on the same day too... the stupid condo has power supply problem, no fan, no aircond, and i still have to nurse baby... HOWEVER, maybe due to the extensive sweat, i thought my fever got better...
THAT night, when i looked into the mirror in the bathroom... TO MY HORROR!!! (seems like i've had many horror experiences after 25th March) THAT breast was RED, the bottom half was red, and soooooooooo sored!!!!!!! this time it's not the nipple, it's the breast, damn bloody painful...
and because of this,
i got super tensed,
super stressed,
and super duper irritable...
as i was struggling with the painful breast, and engorgement, yet milk not coming out even when i was expressing, the milk-expressing just seemed too long, and yet no milk... AND what more to say, baby was crying!!!
(oh, she's still very cute even when she cries, sometimes, i purposely wait for her to cry first, then only attend to her, haha!!)
i thought, due to the sore nipple, in the mean time, i'll just express milk and let baby have it,
BUT under this type of condition, ie. milk not coming out effectively when expressing, baby crying to be fed...
i gave up...
i heard him saying, "baby, you don't cry, don't test papa's patience, else, i give you formulae you only know!" haha, i thought that was cute!!
i gave up...
i gave up in expressing..
i told him, "give me"
ya, nipple pain, still have to feed...
the next day (3rd day) the problem seemed to subside..
then, i suddenly feel like flipping the book i bought, maybe there's some clue (cos, he was flipping the other book, tracy hogg's "baby whisperer" and it does not really offer much direct resolution to my problem)
i found this page, with all the symptoms that i've just had - engorgement, fever, redness, etc.
exactly what i was experiencing and ahh...
it's called MASTITIS...
now, i've a lead...
and now, i know, my fever is not because of the shower, it's due to the breast infection (mastitis)
and in fact, i was supposed to rush to doctor and take antibiotic, but, well... it's subsided...
again, i don't know if it's true or not,
but they (i mean, those who so support, so gunho, so diehard fans of breastfeeding) keep saying this and that problems, that may happened to newborn baby, to the mother, will only be solved by breastfeeding, and bla bla bla...
and for my engorgement... which later evolved to mastitis...
yes, the best resolution, is still plug the baby... to my breast..
(ha!! i know, the proper way of saying is, latch the baby and let her/him continue to suck and suckle.. but i thought plug is pretty straightfoward too, of describing the situation)
so, in a way, my problem was resolved...
AND the ironic thing is
the engorgement happened it's because of me breastfeeding the baby, milk supply, bla bla bla...
ie. it's because of the baby right??
but to ease the engorgement, i need the baby's help...
ya, i kinda find it a bit ironic... and in a way cyclical...
anyway... forget about the painful part...
after 1 month, i brought baby to SJMC to see this dr. khoo... (she's like the dr. tan version in the pediatrician department)
she actually mentioned that, baby was a bit overfed... wow!!! 100%of my breastmilk, and yet, overfed, am i doing a good job, or bad job???
@_@
and yes, she's put on weight from 3.16kg to 4.35kg - 1 month, and length, 46cm to 57cm...
she's going to be tall isn't she??
hehe...
if you're a woman, you can read,
if you're a woman who's had breastfed before and like to see see my sharing of experience, you're welcomed,
if you're a woman, who, in the near future, intend to breastfeed your baby, you're welcomed to read too,
AND
if you're a man, who wants to busybody, be my guest then,
if you're a man, who wants your wife/future wife to breastfeed your baby, you're welcomed too,
if you're a man, who's having a wife who's breastfeeding, you're most welcomed to see see my sharing of experience,
BUT
if you're a man, who's just a man of your own, then, stop here.. don't bother
ok ok...
the journey starts...
i'll skip all the sore nipple, crack nipple part, which is too common,
and i'll start with those common but not too common first, which is my first encounter, and also my first hurdle in my breastfeeding live, since 25th March 2009
after a week plus we came home... (with me curi-curi shower with normal hot water...)
as i was having a very sore nipple, i subsconsciously cut shot the nursing with one of my breasts...
that time, i didn't know the severity were to come... (arrgh!!)
that night, i felt a bit engorged, but then, i ignored... and i started to feel feverish... i thought, oops... is that because of me taking normal water shower??? and i was looking for excuse to tell him (as i insisted to take shower due to the bloody hot weather, despite what everybody said)
i really felt the fever is coming up on me, and that i started to gulp down more water, to try to stop that...
next day, i still kinda ignored, and still conveniently kinda didn't insist baby to feed long on that breast
on the same day too... the stupid condo has power supply problem, no fan, no aircond, and i still have to nurse baby... HOWEVER, maybe due to the extensive sweat, i thought my fever got better...
THAT night, when i looked into the mirror in the bathroom... TO MY HORROR!!! (seems like i've had many horror experiences after 25th March) THAT breast was RED, the bottom half was red, and soooooooooo sored!!!!!!! this time it's not the nipple, it's the breast, damn bloody painful...
and because of this,
i got super tensed,
super stressed,
and super duper irritable...
as i was struggling with the painful breast, and engorgement, yet milk not coming out even when i was expressing, the milk-expressing just seemed too long, and yet no milk... AND what more to say, baby was crying!!!
(oh, she's still very cute even when she cries, sometimes, i purposely wait for her to cry first, then only attend to her, haha!!)
i thought, due to the sore nipple, in the mean time, i'll just express milk and let baby have it,
BUT under this type of condition, ie. milk not coming out effectively when expressing, baby crying to be fed...
i gave up...
i heard him saying, "baby, you don't cry, don't test papa's patience, else, i give you formulae you only know!" haha, i thought that was cute!!
i gave up...
i gave up in expressing..
i told him, "give me"
ya, nipple pain, still have to feed...
the next day (3rd day) the problem seemed to subside..
then, i suddenly feel like flipping the book i bought, maybe there's some clue (cos, he was flipping the other book, tracy hogg's "baby whisperer" and it does not really offer much direct resolution to my problem)
i found this page, with all the symptoms that i've just had - engorgement, fever, redness, etc.
exactly what i was experiencing and ahh...
it's called MASTITIS...
now, i've a lead...
and now, i know, my fever is not because of the shower, it's due to the breast infection (mastitis)
and in fact, i was supposed to rush to doctor and take antibiotic, but, well... it's subsided...
again, i don't know if it's true or not,
but they (i mean, those who so support, so gunho, so diehard fans of breastfeeding) keep saying this and that problems, that may happened to newborn baby, to the mother, will only be solved by breastfeeding, and bla bla bla...
and for my engorgement... which later evolved to mastitis...
yes, the best resolution, is still plug the baby... to my breast..
(ha!! i know, the proper way of saying is, latch the baby and let her/him continue to suck and suckle.. but i thought plug is pretty straightfoward too, of describing the situation)
so, in a way, my problem was resolved...
AND the ironic thing is
the engorgement happened it's because of me breastfeeding the baby, milk supply, bla bla bla...
ie. it's because of the baby right??
but to ease the engorgement, i need the baby's help...
ya, i kinda find it a bit ironic... and in a way cyclical...
anyway... forget about the painful part...
after 1 month, i brought baby to SJMC to see this dr. khoo... (she's like the dr. tan version in the pediatrician department)
she actually mentioned that, baby was a bit overfed... wow!!! 100%of my breastmilk, and yet, overfed, am i doing a good job, or bad job???
@_@
and yes, she's put on weight from 3.16kg to 4.35kg - 1 month, and length, 46cm to 57cm...
she's going to be tall isn't she??
hehe...
My C-Xperience
yep... i delivered baby via caesarian, as she didn't turn her head downwards, so there go my "the great mom" dream... ok, i've always wanted to take up the challenge, but, one of my friends actually "console" me and say, "maybe she doesn't want you to suffer through the contraction pain, that's why she didn't turn", ah~~ what a lovely and comforting statement, right??
so, before i went into the operating theatre, i did not anticipate what a caesarian session will be.. i didn't... it's only that, just around 1-2 weeks before the scheduled date, i had this conversation in the office, with my colleague...
it started as, my little colleague (she's a fresh grad, a very young girl) asked me how will the "session" be... like how??
how's the baby coming out and so on...
i think think think, and i told her, "the doctor, slit the stomach, put the hand in, and get the baby out lo!"
@_@
it happened that, one of my other colleauge, he's shared with me his wife's experience came by... (he mentioned to me before, he was invited to view the whole session, in one of those small town's hospital, as caesarian is categorized as major operation, usually, even husband's not allowed to be inside
so, i stopped him, and asked him, why not he just briefed us... (as previously, he's mentioned to me that, he's VIEWED
it, but he's not mention to me about the details of the process)
then...
there you go...
he said...
NO, the doctor slit open your stomach, cut open not just 1 layer, but a few layers of your flesh (outer skin, uterus, etc.)
BUT... the gist of it, is... how the baby comes out right??
then... a few of them (doctor and nurses) will go to the other side of your stomach and PUSH the baby out.. and the push is not like gentle push, it's STRONGLY pushing it.. pushing and pushing... so that, the baby can be maneuvered towards the slit...
my EYES open big big...
on the 25th March 2009 morning...
we're supposed to go to the hospital by 7am, as i've scheduled it to be at 8.30am, and my very good doctor told me, i can go in around 6.30am - 7am, no problem...
BUT hospital called in and asked why we're not there yet, that's around 6.40am i think... my husband told them, we're on the way (while we're still in our house, and taking our own sweet time)
when we're in the hospital, only then we found out... yep... different departments have their own preference, that's all i can say... doctor asked me to go there around that time, to save 1 night cost (normally people check in the night before) BUT the other department - for eg. ward, the operating theatre... would like to have their work done nicely, for eg. the usual standard checkup on me, and the necessary 'tidying up' before major operation, etc...
anyway... skip to the operation part...
as i was so gunho about giving my baby breastmilk... i want to fulltime breastfeed my baby, therefore, i happily told whoever asked me, i wanted this "half-body anesthetic"...
i kept telling them, "half"... PROUDLY...
BUT... later.. to my HORROR, when they told me that, they're going to jap this epidural into my body to give me HALF-BODY CONSCIOSNOUS...
i was like... oops... oops, and oops!!!!!!!!!
(for some unknown reason, i was super terrified of this epidural thing, as i read from the illustrated book, to give epidural, they inject something into your SPINE... SPINE!!! ok???? not ok!! of course, SPINE... that's just super scary... don't ask me why, everybody has something 'unreasonable' to be scared of, and as for me, injecting or inserting something to the body, just the imagination will kill me)
for a split second, i thought of running away, yes, a split second ONLY... as i quickly recollect that, I CAN'T RUNAWAY
my tummy is big, for real, and baby IS coming out, for REAL!!!!!!!! do i have a choice??
i asked the nurse, "is it painful", the nurse said, "a little bit!!"
nah.. i know these medical people, whatever they mention to you is always discounted 50%, so, i reckon it's PAINFUL...
i turned my head to see the aneasthesia doctor who's doing his preparation, and he told me, "you don't have to look at what i'm doing, but i'll inform you of what i'll be doing"... @_@... sounded scary again... however, luckily he's good... good at soothing me, and good at communicating and calming me down...
finally the epidural is jabbed into my body... ok.. bearable... and kinda fast, maybe because the guy is skillful??
then, i've a second thought... they kept asking me, "can you feel your leg?? can you feel your toe??" and so on... and i answered them truthfully... HOWEVER, again, i think... can the medicine work so fast?? what if it's not functioning 100% yet and this doctor put his knife in me? die man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
however, let me tell you...
when you're in there, irregardless how scared and how terrified you are... you just have to be cut and slit, without anything to say...
oh!! another thing forget to mention, which is another horror piece to me...
it's the cathether... before they pushed me into the operation theatre, one of the 'preparation' is supposed to be, putting the cathether into my bladder... through which spot, i don't think i need to mention...
when they asked me.. i insisted them not putting it, it's just SCARY~~~~~~~~~ super scary idea to put that through such a SMALL opening, it's SCARY, ok!!!!!???
so, i tell them to put it after i got the epidural...
(plus point of checking in such last minute, they don't have time to wrestle with you and force you, cos, they're basically rushing through everything, cleaning up my body, documentation... so that i can be in the theatre by 8.30am, else the operating theatre people will screw the ward people, i reckon)
AND... because i said so...
before the operation begins, my dear doctor (oh, i really love him, he's really a very good, confident, reliable, efficient doctor, ie. Dr. Tan Teck Seng in SJMC/SDMC) scolded whoever were presence in the theatre, except me... he said, "why nobody tells me?"... repeatedly, and then, i felt that, they're rushing to poke the tube into my body... yike!!! even though the epidural is doing its work, i still can feel it, and it's... arrgh... not a comforable feeling, so, i was saying to myself, luckily i insisted them not doing it, while i was not dosed, it'll be more scary and bigger ouch man!!
finally... i was slit...
and whatever was happening then... is EXACTLY AS WHAT MY COLLEAGUE has described to me the other day..
the anaesthesia guy was with me all the time, seems like his job is to just drug me, and then, calm me... quite good... when the doctor was supposed to PUSH (in fact, it's called "massage" i think..) the baby, he told me this, "now, you can feel some pressure on your stomach, but it's ok"...
there.. i felt the PRESSURE
it's just... a weird thing that... with this epidural thing...
you can feel almost everything except PAIN... well... i just have to say, i don't get it... why???
and maybe because i don't get it, that's why i feel scared... cos, i just can't compute, why, why a person will not feel any pain, but every other thing... what's it done to my body???
anyway... after... maybe around 20 min, to half an hour?? finally i don't feel the pressure anymore...
yeh!! then, i know the baby is taken out... but why no cry???
why???
then, i saw the doctor handed over a slimy baby over the "curtain" that covers my view, and told me, "that's your baby, they'll show you later"...
..............
that's my caesarian experience... will i want to go through it for the second time?? i can't tell you know.. cos, i think, both natural way of giving birth (without the epidural part) and caesarian has its SCARY part... arrgh...
i only know, after this major operation, i forbid one of my friend/colleague who'll always make me laugh to come visit me... ya, in the end, she didn't come... i can't afford to talk to her, and ended up laughing, cos, the contraction pain was kind of... irritating and annoying... and yes, PAINFUL... but not to the extent that, i need to take painkiller...
the nurses keep asking me if i need one, i told them nope... then, i thought, bigger pain will be coming... however, after the first day, second day......... i was like... is that it? ah... this type of pain, why need painkiller??? (i used to have very severe period pain, which i thought was more painful than this)
however... the pain does exist, that, i can't cough, i can't laugh, and i can't take deep and long breath on the first day and first night...
but i was happy that, i did my breastfeeding thing... cos, whenever the nursery people deliver baby to me, to feed her, i forgot all the pain... ya, now, the pain is not at the stomach, it's my breasts...!!!
anyway...
a second horror story IS...
upon us checking out (i stayed in hospital for 5 days 4 nights, i opted to stay for 1 more day, as i thought, in the hospital, so good, got nurses to help me, measure this and that, and baby well taken care of, and since this is the first time, i've lots of questions to ask regarding breastfeeding... etc., i asked dr. tan if i can stay one more day when he came and told me that, i should get up and move around... on the 3rd day i think..., then he told me of course, i can stay 1 more day, usually people want to leave earlier, but hospital have no problem with me, staying one more day... well... in fact, i've to say, maybe i'm a bit weird, i really thought it's comfy and cosy to stay in the hospital... only pity him that, he's to travel to-and-fro everyday and come to hospital to keep me company, doing no other things.. boring right?)
ok ok.. second horror story is, when we checked out, they brought me all the little booklets, cards and so only about baby... and one thing i saw, blood type = AB
huh??? AB?????
AGAIN!! for a split second, i thought this baby's not mine... cos, my blood type is A, his blood type is also A, why on earth we'll have an AB baby??? it'll be either O, or A, no AB...
i asked him one time... he didn't seem surprised, but that time i was distracted slightly that i didn't ask further...
then i asked him second time, again, he didn't seem surprised, i asked, "you're also A right?"
DEAR!!!!! all these while, i thought i'm an A, and he's an A too...
ALL THESE WHILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and he didn't sound confident of his own blood type, so, i actually asked him if he carries one of those blood type card in his wallet and made him taking it out and let me check...
oh...
...
...
...
...
...
...
it's B...
oklo!
so, before i went into the operating theatre, i did not anticipate what a caesarian session will be.. i didn't... it's only that, just around 1-2 weeks before the scheduled date, i had this conversation in the office, with my colleague...
it started as, my little colleague (she's a fresh grad, a very young girl) asked me how will the "session" be... like how??
how's the baby coming out and so on...
i think think think, and i told her, "the doctor, slit the stomach, put the hand in, and get the baby out lo!"
@_@
it happened that, one of my other colleauge, he's shared with me his wife's experience came by... (he mentioned to me before, he was invited to view the whole session, in one of those small town's hospital, as caesarian is categorized as major operation, usually, even husband's not allowed to be inside
so, i stopped him, and asked him, why not he just briefed us... (as previously, he's mentioned to me that, he's VIEWED
it, but he's not mention to me about the details of the process)
then...
there you go...
he said...
NO, the doctor slit open your stomach, cut open not just 1 layer, but a few layers of your flesh (outer skin, uterus, etc.)
BUT... the gist of it, is... how the baby comes out right??
then... a few of them (doctor and nurses) will go to the other side of your stomach and PUSH the baby out.. and the push is not like gentle push, it's STRONGLY pushing it.. pushing and pushing... so that, the baby can be maneuvered towards the slit...
my EYES open big big...
on the 25th March 2009 morning...
we're supposed to go to the hospital by 7am, as i've scheduled it to be at 8.30am, and my very good doctor told me, i can go in around 6.30am - 7am, no problem...
BUT hospital called in and asked why we're not there yet, that's around 6.40am i think... my husband told them, we're on the way (while we're still in our house, and taking our own sweet time)
when we're in the hospital, only then we found out... yep... different departments have their own preference, that's all i can say... doctor asked me to go there around that time, to save 1 night cost (normally people check in the night before) BUT the other department - for eg. ward, the operating theatre... would like to have their work done nicely, for eg. the usual standard checkup on me, and the necessary 'tidying up' before major operation, etc...
anyway... skip to the operation part...
as i was so gunho about giving my baby breastmilk... i want to fulltime breastfeed my baby, therefore, i happily told whoever asked me, i wanted this "half-body anesthetic"...
i kept telling them, "half"... PROUDLY...
BUT... later.. to my HORROR, when they told me that, they're going to jap this epidural into my body to give me HALF-BODY CONSCIOSNOUS...
i was like... oops... oops, and oops!!!!!!!!!
(for some unknown reason, i was super terrified of this epidural thing, as i read from the illustrated book, to give epidural, they inject something into your SPINE... SPINE!!! ok???? not ok!! of course, SPINE... that's just super scary... don't ask me why, everybody has something 'unreasonable' to be scared of, and as for me, injecting or inserting something to the body, just the imagination will kill me)
for a split second, i thought of running away, yes, a split second ONLY... as i quickly recollect that, I CAN'T RUNAWAY
my tummy is big, for real, and baby IS coming out, for REAL!!!!!!!! do i have a choice??
i asked the nurse, "is it painful", the nurse said, "a little bit!!"
nah.. i know these medical people, whatever they mention to you is always discounted 50%, so, i reckon it's PAINFUL...
i turned my head to see the aneasthesia doctor who's doing his preparation, and he told me, "you don't have to look at what i'm doing, but i'll inform you of what i'll be doing"... @_@... sounded scary again... however, luckily he's good... good at soothing me, and good at communicating and calming me down...
finally the epidural is jabbed into my body... ok.. bearable... and kinda fast, maybe because the guy is skillful??
then, i've a second thought... they kept asking me, "can you feel your leg?? can you feel your toe??" and so on... and i answered them truthfully... HOWEVER, again, i think... can the medicine work so fast?? what if it's not functioning 100% yet and this doctor put his knife in me? die man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
however, let me tell you...
when you're in there, irregardless how scared and how terrified you are... you just have to be cut and slit, without anything to say...
oh!! another thing forget to mention, which is another horror piece to me...
it's the cathether... before they pushed me into the operation theatre, one of the 'preparation' is supposed to be, putting the cathether into my bladder... through which spot, i don't think i need to mention...
when they asked me.. i insisted them not putting it, it's just SCARY~~~~~~~~~ super scary idea to put that through such a SMALL opening, it's SCARY, ok!!!!!???
so, i tell them to put it after i got the epidural...
(plus point of checking in such last minute, they don't have time to wrestle with you and force you, cos, they're basically rushing through everything, cleaning up my body, documentation... so that i can be in the theatre by 8.30am, else the operating theatre people will screw the ward people, i reckon)
AND... because i said so...
before the operation begins, my dear doctor (oh, i really love him, he's really a very good, confident, reliable, efficient doctor, ie. Dr. Tan Teck Seng in SJMC/SDMC) scolded whoever were presence in the theatre, except me... he said, "why nobody tells me?"... repeatedly, and then, i felt that, they're rushing to poke the tube into my body... yike!!! even though the epidural is doing its work, i still can feel it, and it's... arrgh... not a comforable feeling, so, i was saying to myself, luckily i insisted them not doing it, while i was not dosed, it'll be more scary and bigger ouch man!!
finally... i was slit...
and whatever was happening then... is EXACTLY AS WHAT MY COLLEAGUE has described to me the other day..
the anaesthesia guy was with me all the time, seems like his job is to just drug me, and then, calm me... quite good... when the doctor was supposed to PUSH (in fact, it's called "massage" i think..) the baby, he told me this, "now, you can feel some pressure on your stomach, but it's ok"...
there.. i felt the PRESSURE
it's just... a weird thing that... with this epidural thing...
you can feel almost everything except PAIN... well... i just have to say, i don't get it... why???
and maybe because i don't get it, that's why i feel scared... cos, i just can't compute, why, why a person will not feel any pain, but every other thing... what's it done to my body???
anyway... after... maybe around 20 min, to half an hour?? finally i don't feel the pressure anymore...
yeh!! then, i know the baby is taken out... but why no cry???
why???
then, i saw the doctor handed over a slimy baby over the "curtain" that covers my view, and told me, "that's your baby, they'll show you later"...
..............
that's my caesarian experience... will i want to go through it for the second time?? i can't tell you know.. cos, i think, both natural way of giving birth (without the epidural part) and caesarian has its SCARY part... arrgh...
i only know, after this major operation, i forbid one of my friend/colleague who'll always make me laugh to come visit me... ya, in the end, she didn't come... i can't afford to talk to her, and ended up laughing, cos, the contraction pain was kind of... irritating and annoying... and yes, PAINFUL... but not to the extent that, i need to take painkiller...
the nurses keep asking me if i need one, i told them nope... then, i thought, bigger pain will be coming... however, after the first day, second day......... i was like... is that it? ah... this type of pain, why need painkiller??? (i used to have very severe period pain, which i thought was more painful than this)
however... the pain does exist, that, i can't cough, i can't laugh, and i can't take deep and long breath on the first day and first night...
but i was happy that, i did my breastfeeding thing... cos, whenever the nursery people deliver baby to me, to feed her, i forgot all the pain... ya, now, the pain is not at the stomach, it's my breasts...!!!
anyway...
a second horror story IS...
upon us checking out (i stayed in hospital for 5 days 4 nights, i opted to stay for 1 more day, as i thought, in the hospital, so good, got nurses to help me, measure this and that, and baby well taken care of, and since this is the first time, i've lots of questions to ask regarding breastfeeding... etc., i asked dr. tan if i can stay one more day when he came and told me that, i should get up and move around... on the 3rd day i think..., then he told me of course, i can stay 1 more day, usually people want to leave earlier, but hospital have no problem with me, staying one more day... well... in fact, i've to say, maybe i'm a bit weird, i really thought it's comfy and cosy to stay in the hospital... only pity him that, he's to travel to-and-fro everyday and come to hospital to keep me company, doing no other things.. boring right?)
ok ok.. second horror story is, when we checked out, they brought me all the little booklets, cards and so only about baby... and one thing i saw, blood type = AB
huh??? AB?????
AGAIN!! for a split second, i thought this baby's not mine... cos, my blood type is A, his blood type is also A, why on earth we'll have an AB baby??? it'll be either O, or A, no AB...
i asked him one time... he didn't seem surprised, but that time i was distracted slightly that i didn't ask further...
then i asked him second time, again, he didn't seem surprised, i asked, "you're also A right?"
DEAR!!!!! all these while, i thought i'm an A, and he's an A too...
ALL THESE WHILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and he didn't sound confident of his own blood type, so, i actually asked him if he carries one of those blood type card in his wallet and made him taking it out and let me check...
oh...
...
...
...
...
...
...
it's B...
oklo!
2009-04-15
From Jonathan to Karen
it started like this...
i saw this new hugo XY prefume commercial, with Jonathan Rhys Meyers
so, i asked him not to switch channel as i wanna watch the commercial...
then, he asked me if he's good-looking.. i told him, "no, he's attractive, but not good-looking... just like karen mok, i don't think she's pretty, but she's really attractive, i mean, i know guys will fall for her type of personality (the whole package, look, style, attitude, character etc.)"
he replied, "karen mok is never pretty" (sounded like he's saying, "yak, she's actually ugly")
at the moment, the TV was then showing another commercial... Gong Li (can't recall if it's SKII, or garnier, or whatever.. but i think it's SKII... usually they get older women to advertise for them...
so, i asked him again, "then, Gong Li prettier, or Karen Mok prettier?" (ya, using Yea Nan's style, ie. always give you ridiculous 2 choice, and you must pick one it's kinda fun... she made me laugh during a SERIOUS meeting, the first time she did that to me)
his answer, "Gong Li!"
IMMEDIATELY i asked, "if you're to pick one for your girlfriend (or whatsoever) then, who'll you pick"
.....
.....
.....
guess what's the answer... without thinking for longer than 1 second, he answer, "Karen Mok!"
pueh...
i saw this new hugo XY prefume commercial, with Jonathan Rhys Meyers
so, i asked him not to switch channel as i wanna watch the commercial...
then, he asked me if he's good-looking.. i told him, "no, he's attractive, but not good-looking... just like karen mok, i don't think she's pretty, but she's really attractive, i mean, i know guys will fall for her type of personality (the whole package, look, style, attitude, character etc.)"
he replied, "karen mok is never pretty" (sounded like he's saying, "yak, she's actually ugly")
at the moment, the TV was then showing another commercial... Gong Li (can't recall if it's SKII, or garnier, or whatever.. but i think it's SKII... usually they get older women to advertise for them...
so, i asked him again, "then, Gong Li prettier, or Karen Mok prettier?" (ya, using Yea Nan's style, ie. always give you ridiculous 2 choice, and you must pick one it's kinda fun... she made me laugh during a SERIOUS meeting, the first time she did that to me)
his answer, "Gong Li!"
IMMEDIATELY i asked, "if you're to pick one for your girlfriend (or whatsoever) then, who'll you pick"
.....
.....
.....
guess what's the answer... without thinking for longer than 1 second, he answer, "Karen Mok!"
pueh...
2009-03-24
blink of an eye.......
today.. is 1 year already, ever since my mother has left us during the car accident, last easter...
i still remember that day... when everything is upside down, when life's not life... when everything is almost meaningless to you, to all 3 of us...
i still remember, when i heard the news from my brother... my limps turned numb... i was using my notebook at that time, and i couldn't type further... i kept reminding myself, not to collapse, i was so scard that, i'll have a heart attack and i'll have stroke... (ya, my mind can really wonder very fast...)
[after this... my brother told me, what he heard is "modem sound"... ya, that's from me... he said, he's supposed to be very sad, but when he heard the "modem sound", he actually laughed... he told me aftermath... i was glad that, during that very bad time, 3 of us were together... and we did our best to cheer each other up, especially my 大弟]
.................
the other day, when i went for another checkup session in the hospital.. just another round before i finally have to accepted the fact that, i've to go for caesarian as my baby's still in breech position (i bombarded her with classical music, and some alternative music for nearly 1 week plus, down my pelvin bone area, hopefully that i can successfully lure her to turn her head downwards, so that i can proceed with my natural birth plan) i saw this lady, a new mother in
front of me, maybe doing her post-natal checkup... with her baby in the stroller...
and she was teasing the baby... playing with her... a very nice view ^_^
at that very moment... i kinda put myself in the picture... imagining me, to be her... and i'm sure, i'll like to say this to my mother, "Ma!! see your granddaughter so cute!!!"
BUT... i know... this can only happen in my dream... 午夜夢回時分... 當我還沒醒覺，你已離開一年...
我想，這是我一生的遺憾... something that i'll grow old with it, and carry it to my grave... for not being able to gratefully tell her... “你看，你的孫女兒，好可愛喲！！"
..............................
however, on this day...
ya, though it's already 1 year... sometimes... for a split second, i can easily forget that, she's no longer around... when i realize... of course... i do miss her a lot.............. a lot...............
normally i try not to remember what we've gone through that day... [mother killed immediately, while my father's sent to the hospital in sarikei, that time, doctor said chances to survive very slim... then, midnight, he's transported back to sibu hospital, heart beat stopped for a couple of time... my mother didn't even have a chance to say goodbye to us... maybe... maybe it runs in the family... maybe it's because none of us are good at handling separation... that's why, God gives her such a way to go... maybe... then... i can't remember much....]
on this day... it marks 1 year.... so fast...
so many things have happened... i'll say, life & death...
i lost her in March, then, i figured i'm pregnant in July...
生與死，樂與悲...
(life and death, up and down, loss and gain...)
like i've told some of my friends, me, being pregnant is a miracle, cos, i was separated from him, for nearly about 2.5 months... (he came to visit me fortnightly depends on his schedule.... but even when he came to see me, i'm still in the hospital looking after my half-dead father... arggh... again, not some experience worth remembering... if i've a choice)
that's why... having a baby, in such tough time... it's a miracle...
miracle blessed by God... and miracle in life... cos, that's life... life will be stronger, when we face losses and death...
(當人們經歷了最痛苦的時候，生命力，求生能力會更強)... maybe... maybe that's how i got conceived... and maybe that's the reason i am carrying a daughter...
(ya, i wish so much that, God will give me a daughter... not that, that'll be a replacement for the loss of our mother, BUT it's kind of consoling enough... as God listen to our prayer!!)
on this day... it marks 1 year... at the blink of an eye...
i just want to tell her that... "we're all doing fine......"
i still remember that day... when everything is upside down, when life's not life... when everything is almost meaningless to you, to all 3 of us...
i still remember, when i heard the news from my brother... my limps turned numb... i was using my notebook at that time, and i couldn't type further... i kept reminding myself, not to collapse, i was so scard that, i'll have a heart attack and i'll have stroke... (ya, my mind can really wonder very fast...)
[after this... my brother told me, what he heard is "modem sound"... ya, that's from me... he said, he's supposed to be very sad, but when he heard the "modem sound", he actually laughed... he told me aftermath... i was glad that, during that very bad time, 3 of us were together... and we did our best to cheer each other up, especially my 大弟]
.................
the other day, when i went for another checkup session in the hospital.. just another round before i finally have to accepted the fact that, i've to go for caesarian as my baby's still in breech position (i bombarded her with classical music, and some alternative music for nearly 1 week plus, down my pelvin bone area, hopefully that i can successfully lure her to turn her head downwards, so that i can proceed with my natural birth plan) i saw this lady, a new mother in
front of me, maybe doing her post-natal checkup... with her baby in the stroller...
and she was teasing the baby... playing with her... a very nice view ^_^
at that very moment... i kinda put myself in the picture... imagining me, to be her... and i'm sure, i'll like to say this to my mother, "Ma!! see your granddaughter so cute!!!"
BUT... i know... this can only happen in my dream... 午夜夢回時分... 當我還沒醒覺，你已離開一年...
我想，這是我一生的遺憾... something that i'll grow old with it, and carry it to my grave... for not being able to gratefully tell her... “你看，你的孫女兒，好可愛喲！！"
..............................
however, on this day...
ya, though it's already 1 year... sometimes... for a split second, i can easily forget that, she's no longer around... when i realize... of course... i do miss her a lot.............. a lot...............
normally i try not to remember what we've gone through that day... [mother killed immediately, while my father's sent to the hospital in sarikei, that time, doctor said chances to survive very slim... then, midnight, he's transported back to sibu hospital, heart beat stopped for a couple of time... my mother didn't even have a chance to say goodbye to us... maybe... maybe it runs in the family... maybe it's because none of us are good at handling separation... that's why, God gives her such a way to go... maybe... then... i can't remember much....]
on this day... it marks 1 year.... so fast...
so many things have happened... i'll say, life & death...
i lost her in March, then, i figured i'm pregnant in July...
生與死，樂與悲...
(life and death, up and down, loss and gain...)
like i've told some of my friends, me, being pregnant is a miracle, cos, i was separated from him, for nearly about 2.5 months... (he came to visit me fortnightly depends on his schedule.... but even when he came to see me, i'm still in the hospital looking after my half-dead father... arggh... again, not some experience worth remembering... if i've a choice)
that's why... having a baby, in such tough time... it's a miracle...
miracle blessed by God... and miracle in life... cos, that's life... life will be stronger, when we face losses and death...
(當人們經歷了最痛苦的時候，生命力，求生能力會更強)... maybe... maybe that's how i got conceived... and maybe that's the reason i am carrying a daughter...
(ya, i wish so much that, God will give me a daughter... not that, that'll be a replacement for the loss of our mother, BUT it's kind of consoling enough... as God listen to our prayer!!)
on this day... it marks 1 year... at the blink of an eye...
i just want to tell her that... "we're all doing fine......"
2009-03-18
Joyous~~
I can’t keep secret… I mean, secret about my own OS
Ever since I’ve spoken to my boss regarding my plan of not returning to work fulltime, I felt sooooooooooooooooo relieved!!
Ya… very…!!
And due to that, I’m enjoying so much of my long loved songs… my KinKi Kids’s songs… (I’m uploading them now to multiply.com)
^_^
Again… serious.. I can’t keep secret.. secret about my own OS
I can keep things for others, cos, it’s really not my right to share… (I won’t say 100% but always working hard and reminding myself to keep up to the rate…)
But I find it really hard to hide my feelings…
There’re many times, I feel like telling the whole world, ya, I’m not coming back to work fulltime… and I’ll like to be stay at home mom… and I can start continue blogging, watching my jap drama, oh ya!! Digitizing my oldtime photos and so on… there’re just too many things pending (which is important to me) that I haven’t even started to do…
And now, I’m happy… cos, I can officially let down the burden that I’ve been feeling so far…
Ya… worry about the team… but everybody’s future / fate is in their own hands… there’s that much I can do…
Worry about the projects I’ve been involved… but ya… without me, if win, we’ll win, if loose, there’s only THAT much I can do… especially with the politics in our country… nothing much we can do, with real effort… it’s all about dirty work…
And I’m happy… cos, I’ll be out of here soon (in a way, I do feel heavy-hearted to leave… some of my very funny, cute colleagues, some of my very hardworking colleagues and so on… however, I do believe, if it’s friendship it’ll be there for as long as it’s to be there… nothing to worry)
Since my OS is so refreshed and relieved now… I simply feel… joyous!!!!!!!!
And I simply will start dancing, shaking with KinKi Kids songs… both of the cute Domoto… kakakakaka!!
Then, I realized… I’ve been listening too much to Radiohead, and those slow rock… (putting aside my Blur and Gorillaz)…
And not saying that I don’t like Radiohead anymore, but I do wonder… if listening to Radiohead, does somehow help me to release a bit of my stressful work… ^_^
Which… in the mean time, I know… probably I don’t need Radionhead for a while…
I only need to listen to KinKi Kids… which best suit my OS…
mm… maybe KinKi Kids’ songs make my OS joyous, or, maybe my joyous OS simply feel attracted to more joyous and cheerful songs…
I can’t tell…
BUT I do know that, my OS is definitely more relieved, and relaxed..
Cos, I’ll be entering another new chapter of my life??
Maybe…
It’s not that, I’ve too much to expect, and it’s not that, what lies ahead of me is simpler as what I’m doing in work now…
However, I guess… it’s simply a brand new room to enter, and a brand new lifestyle to adopt…
I wish myself good luck… listening to KinKi Kids songs………………………………..
Hey!!! Minna… Genki Gai~~~~
2009-03-16
a bye, I've to say
today, I had lunch with my boss… I ‘notified’ her regarding my post-natal plan last week…
I’ve wanted to inform her of my intention since end feb, which I thought will be good enough, for this ‘1 month notice’… however, looking as how good she treats me, and how she expected me to perform even better this year… I just do not know how to start my conversation…
So, in the end… since the time it’s nearer and nearer… I’ve no choice but to face it and inform her…
I used the most coward way to tell her…
I’m not a person who’s good at verbal conversation, but I thought, I’m pretty good in my text…
Therefore, I scheduled a lunch appointment with her… today… yep… I described it to my colleague a very coward way…
Whatever it is… she understands my priority…
And we just discuss how the transition shall happened, to create less impact to the team…
I voiced out my concern on the “impact” that may/may not happened to the team’s work… she asked me if I’ve thought about her…
Ya… I can see that, she’s quite upset about me quitting, but I’m also feeling grateful that, she’s accepting it well….
As she understands that, everybody has their priority in life… and I know that, if I were to put my work as the top most priority over other things, I may not forgive myself in the future…
Well… I’ve to say, after voicing out my intention, I feel much more relieved and relaxed…
We didn’t discuss much regarding work, but more on parenting and so on….
As I’ve told her my very main concern which lead to me quitting the job is that I know I won’t be able to trust anybody to take care of my baby… yep, nobody…
I mentioned that, yep, family is very dear to me, the job is also very dear to me… however, I’ve to make a choice between the two… (the lesson of 5 balls: Health, Integrity, Family, and Friends are glass balls, most of the time work is a rubber ball and it can bounce back…)
( http://www.lifemeetswork.com/pages/template3.asp?pageID=138 OR
http://piasanedrin.blogspot.com/2008/04/balancing-our-five-balls-in-life.html OR
http://karenjasper.blogspot.com/2007/09/lesson-of-five-balls.html )
After last year’s experience, I know very well, what my choice will be… therefore, it’s better to let her know my decision earlier… than to give her a resignation letter in the middle of my maternity leave…
Luckily I’ve 2 friends who advised me to do so, ie. Inform earlier, than later… after much consideration, I agreed to their suggestion, as… this industry is small, even though I don’t foresee myself back coming back to the workforce in the near future, but it’s better to set my reputation right (if I ever do have one… forgetting about all the benefit and perks that I can claim, while still being ‘employed’ during my maternity rest)
I’m never the type of people, who can handle well about separation, and leaving…
I realized that, during my university time (maybe it sounds late, but maybe it’s also due to the fact that, I’ve been blessed with minimal separation during my pre-uni time)
One of my other friends told me, while we’re bidding goodbye to each other… going back to our own home countries… and not knowing when we’ll be seeing each other again…
Knowing that, I was feeling a bit blue… he said, “separation, is for us to meet more new people, new friends in our life”…
Ya, somehow, I take it as something I’ll remember for life…
Remember?? In my very old blogs, I did mention…
Sometimes, in our life, we do meet people, or hear something from the movies/programmes which we’ll remember for life…
I don’t aim to be the best in whatever I do…
But I do hope that, at certain point of your life, I’ll be the somebody to give you motivation and inspiration to move on…
And I wish, this is not too much to wish for… ^_^
“我們的選擇，決定了我們是那一種人“
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