since I was organising my files on my PC, ya, not just on my PC, but also, between PC and my external hdd…
(oh, just for your information, due to my great management skill, now, I’ve spare 3 ‘biji’ of external hdd, which equals to 280GB of free space, yatta~~~)
Ok ok…
Since I was organising my files… and merging all my older files that’s been scattered across different media… different type of folders and bla bla bla…
I came to realize that things have changed…
Did I mention I started writing diary since I was around 12???
Ya that time… don’t know why, I felt a bit of guilt by keeping a diary, and I’d to keep it in my drawer, hidden at the bottom of my drawer, but luckily, I never had nosy parents who like to dig into my stuff, and my parents also did not help “tidy” up my belongings on the regular basis… that’s good…
Kids just need to learn how to tidy up their own belongings right??
So, after so many years, I’ve written a lot of things… from 1 book to 1 book of diaries during the secondary school to uni days…
Then, after I started work, after my brother taught me how to use the Chinese fonts on Windows… I started doing it on the computer…
When I first had my twinhead in 2004…
I guess, from after uni, ie. 1997 to around 2004, there’s a void, that I don’t write anything…
I guess… cos, I really will not be able to find any trails…
Diary, I can find them… as in real hard copy diaries…
Digital forms… I still keep them… that’s why I was busy reorganizing last night…
Anyway…
I came to realize… before I started blogging, I wrote quite a lot of diaries… especially when I traveled with him… one of the main thing that I jot down most were about my dreams… ya, during those free days, when I could afford to sleep damn a lot, I had a lot of dreams, dreams that when I got up, I still can remember, and therefore I jot them down… it’s kinda interesting when you read back… and of course, if you ask me, it’s worth the effort to jot down…
That’s before my blogging days…
And when I started the multiply blog…
What I realize is…
I write for people to see more than I write in the mean of talking to myself…
I guess… I shall start doing that again…
It’s good to talk to yourself…
Maybe it works for type of people like me (but what’s the “type”, nah, don’t know)
I’d recorded a lot prior to my blogging day… it’s about everything, ya, dreams that I had, events that happened, unhappiness… darkness… and so on… every single things.. but nowadays, I don’t write in such manner anymore
Cos, I write in the mean for people to see… so, it’s kind of like… it’s developed a pattern for me to write, and I couldn’t get out of the pattern…
Aren’t we all the same, most of the time?
When we’re in new place, we can be the real person or a totally ‘different’ person as who we normally are, in our daily life…
However… that won’t last long… once we gotta know people, we started this pattern…
Cos, we know that, there’re people who know us… and we’ve to “live up to expectation”, and then… and then…
We become a person who we want and at the same time, others expect us to be…
And then, we sometimes find it tiring… cos, that’s not the real person we want to be… we just want to be ourselves, right??
I’m not sure about others… but as for me, it’s not easy… it’s just a vicious circle… I simply can’t get out of it… I’ll only say… throughout each change, it makes me a ‘better’ person… ie. a person that’s closer to the real person that I want to be… that’s why, I like changes of environment…
And that’s why I like making new friends…
AND that’s why I appreciate my friends a lot… cos, in a way, they’re one of the factors of “making” the ME today…
Anyway… where am I now??
I should be staying on the topic of diary vs. blog??
Ya… diary, I used to call it 心情錄，I use it as a tool of talking to myself… so, it really can be very very very personal
But blog… eh… everybody knows what it is ^_^
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