BIG MAMA

After talking about roaches…
Ok… technically… after I’ve killed 2 roaches recently…
It reminded me of my mother…
While I was killing the cockroach, baby did came into my mind…
That make my mission a must-succeed mission…
Else the disgusting creature went to disturb her how??
And that reminded me of my mother…

I grew up in a small town, far east (a.k.a. Sibu, Sarawak)
And the place is still (ya, STILL) a place with swaps, woods, and undeveloped areas…
Therefore, as long as I can remember, in our house, every few days, there’ll be flying insects visiting our house…
And…~~~
You guess it…
I HATE & I’M DAMN SCARED OF FLYING INSECTS!!!
all sorts of butterfly
all sorts of moths
those “flying ants” that will come after rain, and they fly to well-lit area…
I remember having to put basin of water with a lit candle in the middle to attract them so that they’ll drop into the water and die…
Cicada (oh, frequent visitor man!)
Cricket (less often)
Cicada and one type of white colour butterfly/moth are the most frequent visitors…
And serious… I’ve to say I HATE IT!!!
Maybe some people, if growing up in such environment, they’ll get used to it…
But I simply hate it and scared of it, as many years as I lived there… (maybe that’s one of the reason that mould me into such a city girl, ya, I love city, especially metropolitan)

Whenever these visitors came to our house (and I’m not sure why, they seemed to like to fly to my room directly, rather than other area… maybe they could sense that I’m scared of them) I’ll scream and run…
If my father’s in the house, he’ll catch them, but I didn’t like it as whenever he caught them, he’d use it to scare me… damn!
If my father’s not in the house, it’ll be my mother’s job…
I remember I asked my mother once, if she’s scared
She said, she’s also scared, but for her children, she’s no choice…

……
That day, when I faced that disgusting roaches in the kitchen…
I remembered exactly what she’s told me, that line…
And now I know how it feels…
In Chinese, you simply have to harden your guts, “the skin of your head” and whatever you can harden to face it… and kill it… for your baby…
硬著頭皮
I guess, if really, baby’s screaming because of a moth, or butterfly, or cicada, and he’s not in the house… I die also have to catch it in the future… (arrghhh!!!)
And… guess what… I just have to硬著頭皮 and do it…
as… sometimes, when I look at our baby… thinking of all those bad saddening social news of what cruel disgusting adults do to younger baby girls, or younger girls… (and ya… if you’ve flesh and blood, how could they?? Right??)
I know very well, if anybody dares hurt my baby, I’ll send them to hell like how I send the roaches to hell…