How to deal with 2-face colleague whose mouth is full of crap!!?

I am really frustrated lately…
So, like some people, who’ll seek for advice from friends, or some from horoscope or from family members…
I tried the Yahoo! Answers…

Well… maybe because I do spend plenty of time online…
(haha, I’m like the “fujoshi”, female version of “otaku”)

I posted the above question online… with the description below:-
I have a colleague who's so 2-face, she's nice and suck up to the management, but she bullies peers, like me, like the others, when you confront her, she'll first denied everything she's said and if it doesn't work, she'll start crying and tell you that, after working for so many years, this is the first time she feel so sad. But, she lies constantly in front of boss, for eg. she likes to eavesdrop, likes to peep into other's work, likes to mind other's business, but if there's another 3rd or 4th party around, she'll deny all these and say, she's very professional and do not mind other's business.
In addition to that, she constantly boast of her own capability, but when problem arise, she keeps quiet and refuse to say anything, as she's scared that she'll be blamed
she puts words into others mouth to scold another person, for eg. she'll tell the public, A said B is stupid and lousy, and in fact, these are her own words, she boss others to do the work so if something wrong, she's safe

The interesting thing is… I actually get quite a good number of “advice”, I mean, a genuine one…
Ah… I know… I’m not alone…

Below are the answers, and the first one is what I “voted” as the best answer…
A1: I do my job and pretend they do not exit. I am careful never to say anything I do not want repeated and in a subtle way, I let them know they are not fooling me with their BS.
Let her cry and do not give in to her or feel sorry for her. That is her method of getting out of trouble. It sound like she is a pathological liar and you can never beat those people at their games because they will lie no matter what.
They act like that to get attention, so ignoring them is the best punishment you can give me. Just pretend you do not care. I would not even bother to bring up something they say. I would act like I did not know anything. I would just speak to them like to say hello and that would be it. They hate to be ignored. They will keep digging the hole deeper trying to get your attention but eventually they are in over their heads.

A2: Avoid this person as much as possible. There are more of them out there than one would like to think...just part of life. These people usually "hang themselves," if you know what I mean. People who lie constantly, for example, eventually spin a web so complicated that even they can't remember what they've said and this ends up getting them in trouble. I wouldn't do anything...just pay attention to YOUR morals and YOUR code of conduct and leave the creep alone.

A3: I know exactly how you feel! This past year, I endured the same type of treatment from a coworker. I don’t need to go into a lengthy description of her behavior –I will just say that she is poison. I tried everything to make her… like me, respect me, and stop treating me badly, …and to stop taking credit for work she did not do (I was livid that others seemed to be fooled by her) until one day it all just ‘clicked.’
The answer was to simply give her no more notice than the …passing clouds in the sky.
The opposite of love is not hate, but rather indifference. I learned to be polite; if she looked in my direction; I would smile (slightly) and go on about my daily responsibilities. I know this sounds like a reaction to her behavior, like one who feigns not caring, but my indifference is sincere, I really, really do not care about her or her life. I no longer worry myself about her ‘show-boating’ attention seeking, and the worst of all, being given credit and respect that I knew she did not deserve. I learned that I could not control these things, and that any other person (who was good of heart) saw her manipulative personality.
So, my advice is for you to carefully think this through –let her live her life as she sees fit and don’t take it personally. Focus on what is important in your life. Begin a new hobby, contact an old friend, plan a trip -anything to make You happy. <<
You really don’t need anyone else’s existence to interfere with your own goals and dreams and life fulfillment. :)

World without Thieves...

I'm not sure if people still remember this show, starred by Rene Liu, and Andy Lau, with a few others famous Chinese actors/actresses, such as Ge You, and Li Bing Bing...

It's a simple story... though I really don't like Andy Lau, and I think that, he's TRYING VERY HARD to play cool!! (see... there's always a difference between learnt-skill and talence, just like Andy vs. Tony Leung...) and I'm also trying very hard, not to look at him, but only my Rene Liu...

Anyway, it's a simple story... it's basically just about a kid from the village, went to town, sold something, trying to bring the money back, and he's this belief that, there's no thief existing in this world, no thief, no bad people... the world is beautiful...
and he somehow shared this idea with Andy-Rene couple, who're the husband-wife thief couple...
for some reason that I cannot remember anymore, Andy was trying to be nice for once... so, he wanted to "fulfill" the dream of the kid that, This is a world, without thieves...

The story went on with all the tricks between Andy-Rene vs. the famous gang of thieves, one trying to stop the other thieves from stealing, and the gang of thieves, trying to steal the money from the kid...

anyway... why am I talking about "world without thieves" the movie?? ^_^ arrgh... it's a sudden thought... as I was thinking, yes, world will be peaceful and beautiful, if world is without XXX... mm... something...

and sometimes... I do wonder, do you want to live, believing that, world is without thieves? or learning that, world IS with thieves?? which one??

... if the world IS with thieves... I may appreciate the moment of lie... white lie... to keep my "memory" clean... however, when time goes by... though truth hurts, however... that's what makes people grow up...

Paying to stay dumb

I came across this article, which the writer came across another article ^_^ please refer below:-

It's a scary message underlying....
And that's the future of the world....
So, Parents! Oh~ Parents!! Please bring up your kids properly...

Monday, July 21, 2008

Paying to stay dumb

Today I came across an article about students (most IT-related) who "outsource" their work (even complete dissertations) to India and Romania. Students contract their work to the lowest bidder.

Question: who are the smartest? The ones who try to pay as little as possible to not getting educated? Or the ones who get payed a little while enhancing their skills?

Question 2: who will eventually rule the world? The ones that build skills or the ones that leave the opportunity to learn?

How stupid can you be!
Posted by Jack van Hoof
(http://soa-eda.blogspot.com/2008/07/paying-to-stay-dumb.html)

When Things are beyond Tolerance

last friday, I could tolerate no more, so, I wrote a complaint letter to my boss... and yes, immediately i was called upon to her room, some time after 21:00, to have a chat...

i told her, i could tolerate no more...
and those business partners are frustrated, as, they've to pick up several calls from different people, to answer the same question, it's wasting time... and it's decreasing productivity, what more to say, the brands that i'm answerable to, number is low...

i made it simple, i said to her, i just want to do my job properly without being made more complicated...

serious, the whole thing sucks, i thought i can tolerate crap and nonsense till one fine day, when i decide to rest at home, nicely timed, when i need to quit, i'll just quit the job peacefully...
however, even when i have already spelt out clear and loud that, i cannot work with a piece of crap like 2-face, 2-face still does not get the point... 2-face still likes to poke into my other colleague's job, as well as my job, whenever she feels like it, like nobody's business...
like i said, it confuses everybody...
so, i bluntly and bravely told my boss, that, ever since she moves to another floor, i feel like i'm reporting to 2 bosses, when 2-face, happily and shamelessly automate herself to be a bossy creature!!

i told my boss, i don't want to bother what 2-face is doing, or IS NOT DOING... what i want is, to do my job without being interferred... and complicated by some evil-minded creature...

i told her, i've put up with piece-of-crap-2-face for the whole of last year, and the moment i know that she's taking joy on my family's misfortune... i tolerate no more... what's evil, has to be exposed!!

however, sometimes, i really do not know what my boss is thinking... when she heard that, she actually asked me, if i think 2-face means it when she said that, (that i must as well quit my job... ya, forever taking care of my father, meaning, she's even hoping that, my father will not recover!!! that's something that i really do not want to put up with... evil is evil, evil needs to be exposed)... without hesitation, i told my boss, "yes, I think she means it!!", CLEAR AND LOUD!!

frankly... i do not want to know what my boss is thinking...
and i do not even want to know what's in 2-face mind, as, i've always believed... if one day, i understand these people's mind, i'll be like one of them, ie. corrupted and full of evil plots!!!
it's only a pitiful thing that, my boss used to be a very lovely lady, however, the more she gets close to evil, the more she'll be infected... ie. getting unreasonable sometimes... cos, she thought 2-face's an angel...

2-face claims that, she can tell if a person's good or bad, truthful or lying, by looking at the person's face
2-face claims that, she's healing hands when she touches a person's body...
many time, i feel like asking 2-face to look into the mirror and tell what she's seen... AN ANGEL??
or, maybe put her own healing hands on her head and heart to heal her evil mind and evil spirit!!!

anyway, i decided to speak out
it's because, it's really beyond my tolerance
and i do not want to force myself, and also, my poor colleague to tolerate further... she's already lost her fighting spirit and her motivation to work... i can see that, everyday, in work, she's unhappy, and upset...

i thought, it's a matter of time, that i'll be leaving my job...
but i know... the time's sped up now...
i told my boss, if not because i'm attached to the technical people that i work with in the company... as the evil-2-face wishes, i've already quit...
my boss said, the more reason, i should not quit... ie. not to surrender to evil-wish
however... i've always thought that life's short, it's either, i leave... or then, i'll fight back...
i'll not want to tolerate with piece of crap anymore...
as, it's not just us, the close peers are suffering with her 2-face tactic... but my dear technical buddies were yelled at by 2-face too...
i know... since the begining, 2-face has always hated those who "does more than he/she should", as... to 2-face, this spoil her "market", and uplift the standard that she does not want to comply to... as people will then, expect her to work more, do more, which she basically is incapable of performing, or does not have the courage to take up the responsibility to carry out the job...

anyway... i voiced out, it's not because i'm looking for solution... come on!! you do not cut deal with terrorists, you do not cut deal with evils...
i voiced out, it's because i want to send the message across,
CLEAR! AND LOUD!

NUMB

sometimes... at the blink of my eyes, I suddenly remember, that she's not around anymore, it hurts
sometimes... when I doze off, and I got up again, I realise, she's not around anymore, it hurts, really...
sometimes... when I go out and see those nice beautiful accessories for hair, little decorative stuff, I know how thrifty she was and that she'd always look at them but never bought them for herself, and that, I'll get some for her AND she'll keep them nicely in the cupboard... it hurts... deeply!!!
sometimes... when I come home late, I thought I've forgotten to sms her, or call her for the day, I realise, she's not around anymore... it's like my soul was lost
sometimes... before I sleep, lying in bed, I also thought I've not called her for the day, or, I have not heard for voice for the whole day... I suddenly realise, she's not around anymore...
sometimes... when I sleep in during the weekend, and when I finally got up at noon, I thought I haven't heard from her for the whole long weekend... I suddenly realise, she's not around anymore... I feel empty...
soemtimes... when I see my little nephew, I hope I can feel her presence, as he's the one she worries most... I realise, my nephew, has already lost a grandmother who'll lovingly carry him, while she was cooking, while she was doing the laundrette... it's sorrowful...

sometimes... at the blink of my eyes, I still see my father's suffering face, while he's fighting for his life in the hospital, especially when he couldn't control his body due to brain damage, and he was having this spasm... it's tormenting...
sometimes... I still recall the night, when the ambulance was taking my father back to the hospital in my home town, we're told, his heart stop beeping for 3 times... while my father was squeezing his way through the tunnel of life, she's already waved goodbye to the world... and us, and the husband she's kept company with, loyally, undoubtedly, the whole of her life...
sometimes... I do think that, my father will live happily ever after... and he has to... cos, she's given him her lifespan... and she's accompanied him, while he was on the way back home, in the ambulance... with God's blessing!!!

sometimes... I know I should be strong, and not linger on her passing away anymore... BUT, at the blink of the eyes... no matter how busy or how "happy" I am during the day, at the blink of the eyes... I remember... she's not around anymore... and... it hurts...

How to welcome your new colleague... ^_^

Ya, this is about how to welcome a new colleague, if you're going to have one!!!
1. you bring her to some place in the office building, for eg. a facility, which you think you should be proud of, but then, nobody actually uses it

2. then you tell her this, "I don't know why boss employed you, since you have no knowledge of the supposed job or whatsoever, you're just going to mess up the processes, coz, you do not know anything!!!"... when there're chances, you'll repeatedly tell her the same thing

3. it happens that one of your colleague is not around (maybe because she's some family issue to settle) you secretly enjoy that fact that she's not around, by saying to the new colleague, "this colleague of mine, I don't know if she's coming back or not, take such a long leave, she must as well just quit, to release the post to other people!!"

4. you don't have to bring the new colleague to be introduced to other co-workers in the other departments..., easy job isn't it??

5. boss ask you to mentor her, so, you just create a seems to be very complicated mind-mapping slide, but most of the 'branches' in the mind-map, is "read this url for xxx information" and etc.

6. then, you try to give your new colleague some job to do, by asking her to call some suppliers... without giving her any contact details, for eg. who's the person to call, what's the number to call..., even though there's a file in the public folder which you can point to the new colleague, HOWEVER, WELL... you don't have to share... she won't find out...

7. so, when your new colleague (who apparently is not that dumb, manage to get through and get hold of the supplier, BY CALLING THE GENERAL LINE OF THE COMPANY AND ENQUIRE FOR WHATEVER INFORMATION THAT SHE REALLY REALLY NEEDS) and when you find out, you pretend that you do not know anything and just have to shamelessly ask, "oh!! how did you find out??"

8. on the other hand, you repeatedly tell your boss, that this new colleague is not ready to do any work, not competitive and so on... mm... let me see... as long as you can tell as much crap as you can, it works, anyway, you can only tell craps right??

9. then, one fine day, there's some technical requirement, which you'll have to work out some bill-of-material, you told your co-worker that, you don't do that type of work (mm... coz, your work is just to sit there to tell others what to do, and tell others, whta's their job, that's your job, you don't have to do anything)... but when you can't argue over who's supposed to work out the bill-of-material, you finally take the job... coz, you can pass it to your new colleague, which, oh ho!! you're very sure that, she won't know what to do... and you won't look stupid!! SHE'LL BE THE ONE, SHE'LL BE THE ONE!!

10. AND it really happens... cool, she send the file to the wrong supplier, so, you try to exaggerate it, by jumping super high!!! and shouted to her that, "you're going to tell boss about this, I'm not going to tell, it's your fault!! I'm not going to face boss for this!!!", cool isn't it?? and you MAKE VERY SURE that she'll be "escorted" to boss' room and she'll tell that to boss herself!!! THAT'S THE WAY to welcome a new colleague!!!

11. all the job your new colleague has done, you continuously condemn it, and every single job, you QC'ed, pretend to be boss, and "cc" to the real boss... mm... to show that how much effort you've put in, to make sure things are right!!! (ironic!! but it sure works)

12. then, this new colleague, after 4-5 days upon joining, was finally intimidated and terrorised, decided to quit the job... you somehow may feel fear..., so, now, you start to lobby the other colleague in your team, to back you up, and you try to be nice to the new colleague... mm... just have to sound sweeter and a little bit polite, that's what you always do, when you need to get things done, cos, you reckon, it's called "professional", however, when it's not a work that you wanna do, or boss doesn't see!!! you play deaf, you play dumb... eh... boss is not going to know if I work or not anyway, as long as I have to do the work, boss have to be made known!!! I just have to continuously trash other's work, whever they do, whatever they say, the first thing I respond, must be "you're wrong, you're not supposed to do that!!" then I just have to take what they've just said and rephrase it, make it sound so complicated, cos, when it sounds so complicated (which is in fact, a simple matter) then, I will be able to step in again, and solve it, so, I'll be GOOD!!... that sounds smart!! AND in order to avoid any complication or backfire on myself, I shall always end my sentence with "just for your information"... so... it's just for your information, it's no big deal, I'm not going to bear any responsibility!!!

13. this new colleague, finally decide to leave... and there's no way return... you just have to quickly come out with a story to cover up with your bully!!!!

14. so, from tomorrow onwards, you can't wait to tell all important partners, co-workers, "she gives up on herself", "she can't take the stress", "she's not competent"!!!!! you must tell!! even if you do not tell, people will ask, and that's the reasoning that you're going to say.... AND before people ask, you should take the first step to tell the whole world first, to stop them from asking!!! cos, you've already fed them with the information!!

15. therefore, you tell your co-workers, you tell your business partners, and you just need some more guts, to even tell her ex-colleagues in the previous company, that "she is incompetent!", "she couldn't take up the stress", you just have to continuously tell that to everybody, then... lie, will become truth!!!

YEAH!! that's how one welcomes one's new colleague!!! and that's the rule of thumb of the new century!!! ^_^ Yeah!!

How I still wish, it's a dream...

It’s not easy for all of these to set in me…
I think, it’s mainly because I’ve always been faraway from home, since I was 18…
Sometimes, I’ll wonder, why I have not received any sms from my mother…
Or, why she hasn’t called me at the end of the day, or during the weekend…
It’s not easy… as it’s already becoming a habit between my mother and me… for the past 5-6 years… even while I was away…
Irregardless which country that I was heading to, with him, the first thing that I do, was to get the pre-paid phone card in the destination, so that I’ll be able to sms my mother… from time to time…
My mother would always update me of the little daily activities back at home, or what’s my cute nephews have done…

But now… the sms never comes anymore
Or the phone never rings anymore…
Sometimes, while I was daydreaming, or while I just got up from my long night sleep, or afternoon nap… I tend to forget what’s happened for the past 3 months…
For eg. Last Friday, when I just got back from my work, late night, for a split second, I was wondering, why I have not received any sms from my mother today…
Then… when I realized… the sadness started to set in me again…

I know… I know, it’ll take a long time, probably longer time that it’s supposed to be… as I’ve always been faraway from home…
Therefore, I need more time to learn the fact that… the owner of the handphone, and the person who used to exchange sms with me every single day for the past few years…
Has left us…

I did it... it's for my future

Today… finally I said it…
I said it!! I’m relieved… and pleased with myself… else, my future will be in hell…

This morning, we’d a unit meeting…
When I see my boss’ new structure in our team, the first thing I asked, “is this finalized??”
My boss said, maybe, maybe not, as there’s another person to be hired…

I saw her plan, it’s similar to the beginning (Q1) of last year, when she first planned for our unit…
The following is my word, and my message to her, and to my colleagues… yes, in front of them, I said it… no fear, and I’ve not wronged anybody…
I told my boss, “last year, we’ve the similar structure, and I couldn’t work with her, that’s the reason, I eventually take back everything and worked alone, I’d rather stick to it”…
But my boss is worried about anybody to stand-in, if I’m not around, I told her, that she does not have to worry, as… TO-BE-BOSS always claimed that, she KNOWS EVERYTHING… so, why worry??
I did use the words “she knows everything” (eliminated the “she claimed that herself”)
Followed by that, I said, “I’d rather it to be like the latter structure, ie. I do everything myself, so that I can keep my time and effort focus, rather than spending it, on unforeseeable and uncontrollable circumstances…”

Of course, on the other hand, to-be-boss was saying, “I’m fine with everything in fact!!” (yes, as she said, she’s always fine with everything in front of us, when in front of boss… however, when we turn out back to her, she’ll tell boss that, she doesn’t want to do Microsoft licensing, and she doesn’t want to meet customer… irregardless boss has spent so much time and effort to train her and invested in her… and THAT give me the bullet… if boss allows her “not to” do this and that, then, boss shall not force me to work with somebody I despise that much!!! Of course, I don’t use the word “despise” --- that’s what I called “2-face”)

So, now, my boss officially knows that, I don’t have chemistry with to-be-boss… if you were to trace the time line, since last April, I’ve already stopped working with her, and since last August – September, I’ve already stopped interacting and talking directly to her…
Who wants to talk to 2-face?
Who wants to deal with people who lie?
Who wants to even be with somebody who eavesdrops?

And I feel so sorry for the new joiner who’s decided to leave 1 week after she’s being ‘mentored’ by the to-be-boss, as to-be-boss was very intimidating to her, directly telling her that since she’s no knowledge at all on what she’s going to deal with, why boss wanted to employ her and bla bla bla bla… whatever disgusting sentences and self-praising words that’ll come out from her mouth… and within the 1 week of mentoring, to-be-boss continuously trashed and criticized her work, giving her no guidance on purpose… etc…
Well… I really do not want to spell it out, and that’s the first and foremost reason, I do not want to deal with her, or have anything gotta do with her… cos, I always believe that, if I were to interact with such personality, I’ll one day, deteriorate myself, and downgraded myself to her level (which I already am, by writing this blog, however, I give myself allowance, only in blog-form)

Therefore, I’m pretty pleased with my own ‘performance’ and truthfulness this morning… by speaking out the truth, as I really do feel sad that, while my other colleague and I were pretending to be good with her (or at least, not against her) that, indirectly encouraged this behaviour and that both of us were also quietly condoning her intimidating bully!!! My other colleague was the BIGGEST victim…

Before this meeting, I had a short conversation with my boss… when my boss was asking me, if there’s any ‘politics’, I told her, there is, it’s just that, it doesn’t concern her…
While I seek for consultation from him, he said, he WILL at least make an investigation…
If there’s 1 person, who’s problem with to-be-boss… the 1 person, could be the problem him/herself, if there’s 2 person, maybe the fact is still weak, however, if there’s 4 person, or 5 person, who really cannot work with this to-be-boss, then, something really is very very wrong…
That’s also the reason I’ve decided to speak out…

As while I was so frustrated to hear news about her, and all her sick behaviour in office, including calling my other colleague bad names, which she later denied, while questioned by my boss… and with my frustration, I kind of tell the story to my other friends, every one of them came back to me and tell me that my boss didn’t do a good job…
The thing is, I like her, VERY MUCH, and I think, she’s a very good and different type of boss, sometimes, she’s like my elder sister, and sometimes, she’ll give me good advice, about work… about family, and etc. as she usually have very different insight about problem solving, in a very fresh and kid-like manner however, also with some maturity of thoughts… (which is very different from other possible good bosses who always advised you based on their lengthy experience, where you just think that, they’re just too old) ... in one way, I defended her, while I hear those response, in another way, when you repeated hear the similar comment from different people, you know that, maybe something is wrong, and yes, you’ve gotta do something… so that, it won’t look too bad for a person who I adore (my boss)

At the same time… I know her situation, for eg. When my other colleague told me of her suffering, I couldn’t do a thing, cos, to-be-boss didn’t mess with me, as I have stopped looking at her or hearing her since looooooooooooong time ago…. And since I’m not the first person who suffered under her irritating intimidation, I can only advise my colleague to handle it properly… twice, she brought it up to boss, but both time, it’s been denied… first time, it came with the traditional Chinese way of threatening, ie. 1st, you cry, 2nd, you start to talk and scold nonsense, blame people, 3rd, you wanna hang yourself… (一哭二鬧三上吊)
Who can and who will know how to deal with this type of person????? PLEASE TELL ME THEN!!
On the second occasion, when she called my colleague bad names and poke into her work, told her that, her work was incorrect, without any evidence… when brought to boss, to-be-boss SHAMELESSLY denied it… and case-closed…

Today, after the meeting, I told my colleague, next time, we’ll either ignore, or, we’ll handle it ourselves, there’s no need to bring it up to boss anymore, it’ll soon, be a very petty manner…
We just cannot condone such behaviour anymore…
But at the same time, I also advise her, saying that, we still need her…
2 things, to-be-boss is best at doing and we need it…
1. driver for lunch, not for us (as if we care to sit in her car) but for boss… cos, none of us like to drive, and she’s smart enough to always offer when boss is around, but whenever boss is not around, she gives tones of excuses to make others drive
2. to be the super suckup!!! Yes, only she’ll be the best and number 1 person to say all the suckup words and terms to boss… frequently, directly, shamelessly, and brainlessly too… we can’t…

And this evening, I’m again, pretty pleased… as when I asked one of my other colleague, who knows our unit pretty well, that, if there’s somebody in the unit which I really have problem to work with, who will it be, he guessed it correctly… I asked ‘why’, he said, 1 is so motherly nice… and another one, from the look, you can see that, it’s very cunning, of course, easy guess…!!!!!!

Last but not least, I’m relieved…
I’ll definitely hate myself, if I shut up this morning!!!

無題… Nothingness…

我喜歡看關於人性黑暗面的故事，或戲。。。
只因為，我一直都很好奇，人，被剝削了黑暗面之後，剩下的還有多少的光明？？
我們都是罪人，只有面對自己的黑暗，才能夠找到光明的那面？然而。。。被剝削了之後，還剩下有多少？？
I have always liked to watch shows that are a little bit dark… that discuss about the darkness of human…
Therefore, I’ve always loved shows like Criminal Minds, Boston Legal, House, movies like Identity, Babel… (Shirley said to Alan when she wanted him to take up one case, where it obviously did not have much winning point… for a simple reason, where Alan’s the capability to explore other’s darkness… when Alan heard it, he didn’t know whether he should take it as a compliment, or an insult… anyway… Boston Legal has elements about human’s darkness… as well as House)
Well… as far as I can remember, there aren’t many movies, that actually explore of the darkness of human being that’ll be shown on screen… maybe that’s because it’s too much for the normal public to absorb, at one seating in the theatre… for eg. Babel, it’s a good show, but maybe not so as a ticket-selling blockbuster… too much!! Too much!!
However... of course, there’re so many good shows as such, where my favourite sweet heart Christian Bale has participated in ^_^V...

Anyway… what I’ve been always wondering is…
If the darkness in a human is slowly peeled off… will there be any brightness left? How much? And how beautiful it’ll be??

We’re all sinners… and we’ve to face our own sin…
Only by facing our own sin, then we’ll be able to see what’s left in us… to move forward to the brightness…

At the same time, I love extremely bright show… for eg. August Rush!! How sweet and how beautiful the show is… (Grin!!) with Freddie Highmore…

MUSE

Haha!! I’m not sure if I’ve taken over the thrill to announce this to the whole world, but I’m pretty happy that we’ve finally found out a url “name”, for my friend’s blog.. ^_^
See… he’s started asking me (when I told him I bought a domain for myself) since I was back in my hometown… troubled with a site that he should choose for himself…
Well, the template you can change at anytime you wish (personally, I prefer multiply still, but for “starter”, ^_^, I recommended him to register with blogger, ie. He’ll get a xxx.blogspot.com), and the “title”, you can rename it many time, but the url link, providing nobody takes it up, it’s yours…

He didn’t want a link with his name… (ya, the combination of his name is a bit err… ^,^)
And I didn’t want him to simply choose a url link that may attract the wrong crowd… or that they may simply leave any trashy comments…

So, I started by asking him, if there’s anything memorable during his school time, where the “term” is not so common but not so uncommon too…
Since he’s a petroleum engineer…
And since I was pretty free before I started my work again, I went to those University online oil & gas glossary to pick some terms for him…
The thing is…
Neither he nor me could remember any of those…

Ok… then, it’s today…
The first thing I thought about was “alluvial”…
Ya ya… those common but yet uncommon names…
What he told me was ~_~, then, he’ll attract a lot of geologists onboard, or even archeologists ^_^…
Ok, case rest… so, I was trying to think of another name…
Which… you’ll be surprised, how your mind will switch and wander so far away…
Since he does not have much memorable days, so, I thought about my own time there…
During my second year summer holiday, before, I proceeded to Algarve for my third year fieldtrip… I worked with this Professor Michael Warner for a month…
Which was like… a total charity from him… he asked me to tidy up his research materials and paper and categorize them… that was year 1998
The research that he was doing, was the Mexican meteorite impact site, called Chicxulub…
Haha, so, the next “term” that I recommended to my friend, was “chicxulub”… but well… it was a bit uncommon…
So, I went online and search for more information and link between “chicxulub” and mike warner…
There you go… the project he was in charge, he called it “project muse”…
Cool huh!!! Immediately I fell in love with this word….

From dictionary.com
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) - Cite This Source - Share This
muse [myooz] Pronunciation Key verb, mused, mus•ing.
–verb (used without object)
1. to think or meditate in silence, as on some subject.
2. Archaic. to gaze meditatively or wonderingly.
–verb (used with object)
3. to meditate on.
4. to comment thoughtfully or ruminate upon.
________________________________________
[Origin: 1300–50; ME musen to mutter, gaze meditatively on, be astonished <>

So, I recommended this word to my friend…
But being an internet user for quite a long while… I’ve a feeling that, it’s been taken up… yes, it was… m-_-m
(I even kinda forced him to take it up ^_^ cos, I liked the word personally, I told him if he doesn’t want it, I’d want to “occupy” the link)
So, there gone the muse.blogspot.com, or, even i-muse.blogspot.com
In the end, I can only suggest to him…
muse-i.blogspot.com

there you go…
let’s see what he’s put there!!!!
http://muse-i.blogspot.com

Cool Day turned HOT

You see… it was another nice and pleasant day today…
The weather was not bad, and he sent me to work… nice and relaxing, and most of the urgent stuff in my work, I’ve settled it, plus covering up the loopholes here and there during my absence day…
Maybe most of the people do not know what I’ve to do…
mm… well… the daily routine costing and pricing, was well taken cared off while I was not around in the office… for the past 2 months…
but I’ve to catch up with the funnels, account planning, training, marketing plan and so on…
no no no… I’m not that busy… in fact… ^_^ (well… I’d rather be “damn free” and yet achieve what I’ve to do in my work, compared to “damn busy”, and achieve the same thing… that’s the difference between “gifted”, and “hardworking”… and of course, in actual fact, I’m neither one of these 2… just simply surviving)

anyway, my biggest worry is, the numbers that I can achieve, or the company can achieve for the remaining 6 months in this calendar year…
so, if any of you is reading… please give me your suggestion, what’s the best way to have $$ in short time frame for an SI company ^_^ for the brands that I’ve alliance with…???
If it’s possible, I wish I can force entry to the enduser environment, install the software and hopefully they’ll get addicted to it, and convert this POC to sales… that’s what I intend to do, but we’ve gotta pick customers wisely… ^_^;;

Anyway… why my cool day turned hot??
It’s because I found out an additional ugly “thread” about the 2-face peer… (now, I’m yet to decide to call her to-be-boss, or 2-face..)
Well… yesterday, she passed me this question posted by my other colleague, by forwarding it to me, conveniently, and expect me to respond, since I’ve said I do not want to work with her... ok, I take it, and I answered it, without notifying her anymore… it’s about software license…
However, in order to have some confirmation, after I responded to the email… I further confirm it with our business partner…
Since the person I ask was busy in the meeting, that’s how he answered me, “I’ve explained to her already, ask her!!”
The first feeling was – I felt rejected… by this person I asked… but usually that’s the way he talks, being a technical folk… usually they’re not a very sociable person…
Then… when I rethink the whole situation, I got stirred up a bit... (damn all my coolness gone away!!! THAT’S WHY, I GLAD THAT I SPEAK AND STAND UP FOR MYSELF, as if any of us still have to continue to put up with BULLY as such in the workplace… @%$#%##%%@%)
See… 2-face already knew the answer, but kept quiet,
While she conveniently passed the query to me, she DIDN”T say anything…
Anyway, that’s the standard and usual way she treats her peers… I’ll rest the case… just again, that shows how much her personality is worth…

When I mentioned this to him, he said, “the behaviour is just like a mouse”… well… sorry to the mouse, I don’t intend to insult you guys… (at least, mice in cartoon are quite cute)
And that’s the very our new colleague decided to leave, 1 week after joining the company, cos, she was constantly being treated in this manner…

Afterall… I’ve to maintain my coolness…
Else, that defeats the purpose, why I stood up and spoke for myself… it’s because, I do not want to allow myself to be further contaminated by this type of petty and evil spirit… as… one of my biggest weakness, is basically what I’m facing today, I do not know how to live like a 2-face person… I do not know how to smile and behave like friends to people I despise and dislike… since the day I was born… in my world, all this while, irregardless how difficult or how irritating a person is… they have 1 face only…
Sometimes, I’ve to deal with difficult co-workers, or partners in my work, however, irregardless how difficult they are… I have this believe, usually I give them my full sincerity, in Chinese words, I give them my ‘all my heart’… some extra effort, or do extra work… to let them feel that, you do care… not personal, but work… and it works… well… I believe nothing beats a truthful character, I don’t have to act, I don’t have to pretend, and I don’t have to have more than 1 face… if I do not know, I ask, if I know, I share… simple… (like Denny Crane said, “I’m simple person” ^_^V) cos, I know that I’m not smart enough to have funny plots, to plot against your peers in order to outshine yourself… I don’t do plots…, if I were to spend my energy and time, I’d rather spend on how to win a deal… that’s all, and it’s that simple…
HOWEVER, to this 2-face, it doesn’t work… cos, the fundamental reason is, 2-face does not have heart, or does not believe in working with all your heart… so, basically we’ve disagreed with each other’s style since day 1!!

Adios!!

(however, if any of you who’re reading this, have good suggestion on how to deal with 2-face people, your advice is very much welcomed!! Or, just pray that, you don’t bump into this type of personality in your life… it sucks!!)

My JDorama, My Life

The beginning of this year, while my boss was doing my appraisal and also setting my new CPE (don’t ask me what it stands for, I don’t know and don’t remember)
She asked me to pick 2 “elements” to improve – after our management have sent most of the managers to attend this “Character First” workshop… (of course it doesn’t mean that my boss gave me the 49 characters ask me to pick 2 of them, it’s another list that she defines, or pulled from somewhere else)
I cannot remember the first one I chose (oops!)
But after browsing through the list, I couldn’t pick more… so, I picked an unfamiliar term “Kaizen”…

Then… my boss asked me if I know the meaning… I told her that I don’t…
She laughed at me and said, it’s funny why I choose something that I don’t know…
I explained to her, that’s the reason I chose it, as I don’t know what it’s about and therefore I need to learn… so, she later explained to me, what the word defines…
From dictionary.com:
Main Entry: kaizen
Part of Speech: n
Definition: Japanese for continuous and incremental improvement, a business philosophy about working practices and efficiency; improvement in productivity or performance
Etymology: Japanese 'change for the better'

In a way, I was happy that, I… “naturally” was drawn to something that’s so close to me… ie. “ha~ japan!!”
Haha!!

And all I want to say is… yes, ever since I started watching Japanese Dorama since 1997-8, it’s deeply rooted in me…
(again, let me emphasize on the fact that, it doesn’t mean, I’d want to live in this country… to go there as tourist and enjoy the lifestyle is different as to live there… as an OL… eh!! “stressful” is the name!!)
Compared to all other types of drama that I’ve watched (excluding the CBS, Fox and etc., but Taiwanese Chinese drama, HK Chinese drama, China mainland drama and KOREAN drama) I really can’t pick up the rest, and there’s ONLY ONE type that I’ll fall for…
Taiwanese drama – sometimes, for the sake of watching somebody that I like, for eg. Barbie Xu, I’ll watch, cos, I like her
HK Chinese drama – well, for pure entertainment and no brainer purpose, sometimes, I’ll watch them too….
China mainland drama – frankly… while I was in shanghai, while the apartment that we stayed was just opened and the satellite was not fixed and all that we can get wer all the CCTV1-n numbers, Jiangsu, Su Zhou, and etc. TV… after watching for nearly 1 month, I thought I got stupider…
Korean drama – I tried to pick it up (since almost all my friends told me how nice they were) but I can’t… personally, I have no patience to follow the pace in the show, maybe I picked a wrong one, but… whatever…

Come to my favourite Japanese Drama…
Putting aside the classic love dorama like “long vacation”, or “love generation”
They used to produced very ‘authentic’ and different type of drama, mainly based on manga…
For eg. “Eiji” (感應少年)…
For eg. “saimin” (催眠)
。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。
The list is too long for me to mention…
But most importantly is…
Why I like them so much…
Cos, they’ve many many varieties in their story
Life’s not just about love – like those in Korean drama
Life’s not just about family feud – like those in HK drama (TVB’s hot selling products, as I just finished watching “溏心風暴“ – The Heart of Greed)
Cos, love don’t happen over a period of time like in the drama
Or family does not always have feud or a lot of wealth for you to fight for…
Life can be simple and normal, or lightly and funny, just like those in Japanese dramas ^_^
Sometimes, the main characters, they don’t just fall in love, for the sake of falling in love… I appreciate that…
And family… not all families have THAT MUCH money for anybody to fight for, but rather…
They talk about human nature, human behaviour, like what I’ve posted here (http://choongc.multiply.com/journal/item/273 )
They talk about how to deal with difficulties in life and how to move forward... and how to appreciate what you have…
Anyway… that’s the beauty of it, cos, they’re simple dramas…

For the last 2 seasons, something I strongly recommend…
“Bara nai no Hanaya” (沒有薔薇的花店)


“Last friend” (最後的朋友)

^_^
Of course for me, the other “perks” of watching these dorama are all the cute Japanese guys… (drool!!)

IronY

Yeah!! Hurray to Batman!!! Oops… Christian Bale indeed!!
Celebrating “The Dark Knight”!!! opening!! \(^_^)/

2 phrases that I’ve always remembered from “Batman Begins”…
How true… they are…

[Bruce awakens from a nightmare]
Thomas Wayne: The bats again?
[Bruce nods]
Thomas Wayne: You know why they attacked you, don't you? They were afraid of you.
Bruce Wayne - age 8: Afraid of me?
Thomas Wayne: All creatures feel fear.
Bruce Wayne - age 8: Even the scary ones?
Thomas Wayne: Especially the scary ones.

Rachel Dawes: Deep down you may still be that same great kid you used to be. But it's not who you are underneath, it's what you do that defines you.

[SPOILERS] "The Dark Knight": Superior sequel

Hey!! If you PLAN to watch "The Dark Knight", please stop reading ^_^V
I'm just too happy and excited that I've to do something about it... and keep reading...

Article from thestar.com

There's just one thing wrong with The Dark Knight, part two of the revived Batman movie franchise: it may not get all of the credit it so richly deserves.

The tragedy of Heath Ledger's early death last January, shortly after he'd finished portraying the villainous Joker in a performance that now defines the role, has understandably overshadowed other aspects of this outstanding film, which arrives in theatres tonight via midnight screenings.

The Dark Knight is that most uncommon of movie sequels, as virtuous as The Godfather II or Aliens: it doesn't just expand a previous storyline, it immeasurably enriches it by adding shadings of character development and moral complexity that were only hinted at in Batman Begins, the 2005 series rethink by director Christopher Nolan, who rescued Bob Kane's comic book creation from camp hell. Nolan returns as helmer of The Dark Knight and he's again also the co-writer, this time with his brother Jonathan (who takes the reins from Batman Begins co-scripter David S. Goyer).

There is such confidence and verve on display here, both in front of and behind the camera, and such innovation in the storytelling, you can see why it was deemed unnecessary to have Batman 2 affixed to the title.

The movie stands on its own considerable merits, rarely flagging throughout its 2 1/2-hour running time. Tech credits are aces, especially the IMAX-ready visuals, and the grimly dynamic score by Hans Zimmer and James Newton Howard adds a sense of foreboding.

This is a summer blockbuster that delivers all the fanboy essentials – great action scenes, incredible gadgets (including a groovy new Batpod motorbike) and genuinely special effects (there's an airborne rescue that will take your breath away) – while at the same delving into the motivational layers more common to arthouse fare.

Ledger's astounding turn as The Joker makes him first among equals in a superior cast, which adds Aaron Eckhart and Maggie Gyllenhaal to returning stalwarts Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Gary Oldman and Morgan Freeman.

Despite his character's name, and vastly unlike previous incarnations by Jack Nicholson and Cesar Romero, Ledger doesn't play The Joker for cheap laughs.

His vision is of a frighteningly unfettered psycho who acts like a terrorist and yet who kills for no grander motive than his stated love of mayhem: "I'm an agent of chaos."

He certainly is a man of contradictions. His messily applied clown makeup barely disguises the hideous facial scars that are a partial explanation for his insanity, and he claims to favour random acts of violence over planned attacks.

Yet he executes his schemes with such meticulous timing and technical wizardry (including the old-school bank heist that smartly opens the film), it's hard to think of him as anything but the most diabolical and determined of schemers.

Unlike most super villains, The Joker harbours no deep desire to blow up the world, although he'd lick his lips with glee if that happened.

He's content to rule the roost in Gotham City, which means stealing the money and exploiting the thug brutality of the many criminal gangs that billionaire industrialist Bruce Wayne, in his alter ego as caped crusader Batman (both roles again delivered with authority by Bale), has been striving to eliminate from Gotham's greasy streets.

Batman has his usual secret allies in faithful butler Alfred (Caine), gadget builder Lucius Fox (Freeman) and police ally Lt. Jim Gordon (Oldman), all of whom can be counted upon to deliver technical support, sage wisdom and the occasional wry quip as the situation requires.

Love interest Rachel Dawes, Gotham's assistant district attorney and the film's sole major female character, is ably played by Gyllenhaal, who takes over from Katie Holmes, a lesser actor whose presence in Batman Begins was that film's major flaw.

There's a second crusader in Gotham this time. He's District Attorney Harvey Dent (Eckhart, impeccably cast), a man idealistic enough to dream of a crime-free city and yet cockily pragmatic enough to bend rules to achieve it. Small wonder his nickname is "Two-Face," a moniker enhanced by his habit of flipping coins to dramatize his belief that so-called random events in life often have significant human involvement.

Later developments in the movie add a much more dramatic meaning to Dent's nickname, bringing stark visuals to the theme of duality that runs throughout The Dark Knight, one that would be hard to miss even by those who just come for the popcorn.

The movie is almost Shakespearean in its fascination with the good and evil that resides within all of us. It suggests that the greatest challenge of life is not to reject dark impulses outright, but to learn how to control them so they don't overwhelm our loftier goals.

Bale deserves applause not only for skilfully demonstrating the interior guilt of a principled vigilante (his Batman is almost as controversial as Will Smith's anti-hero in Hancock), but also for his willingness to share the spotlight with Ledger, whose incandescent performance would have attracted serious Oscar talk even without the actor's untimely passing.

No one is completely the star in The Dark Knight, just as no one is completely the hero, which is why it would be a shame if the movie were to be viewed merely as a summer diversion or the stellar swan song of Ledger.

This film is not only one of the year's best; it may well end up as the finest of 2008. At the very least, it deserves consideration for Best Picture and Best Director, along with the expected Oscar kudos for Ledger, a man whose star burned briefly, yet oh so brightly.

by Peter Howell
Movie Critic

Possible it is... with prayers and faith... and all your prayers~~ (thank you~~, friends)

Hi there…
Before I start…
The “pre-requisite” is as below:
Final Story of My Mother 媽媽最後的故事
My father's condition

On the 18th May, my father got much better…
I took a few photos of him to let him see how he himself looked like… as he’s been lying in bed for nearly 2 months
That day, he’s pretty “genki”… the respirator had been taken out and he could breathe with his own lung, though, the trachea hole still exist, as the doctors were not sure if he would need it again, in any case his lung would fail…
My father could not remember what’d happened and did not realize that, he’s been in hospital, in bed, in and out ICU twice within these 2 months… thus, when he got better… the usual naughty expression came out again…
I asked him to do the “V” sign and he added with his own one after that…

On the 27th May,
My father could sit pretty steadily in chair… though…
He actually fell down twice… one was when I fell asleep during his ‘sponging’ time, which when I opened up my eyes, he was on the floor… he probably couldn’t believe also, why his feet didn’t have enough strength to walk him through the distance from the bed to the washroom…
However, nothing severe happened to him… I asked him why he didn’t give me a shout… he told me he did, and I didn’t responds… ya, I gathered, maybe I was too tired at night…
During the days when I was with him in the hospital, the best time for me to sleep, was when the student nurses came to clean him in the morning… but when he fell down, that’s also the time after sponging, the nurses didn’t wake me up… I was scared… (it’s 2 months of heartache and hard work especially for my 2 brothers… I was so scared that, in the end, it’ll fail again)

The second time, was when he got even better, and he could skip the ‘sponging’ part, but use the shower directly… I didn’t know how strong his feet and legs were and that I asked him to stand against the wall for a while… but when he fell down, he fell down without any sign… even when I was just next to him, trying to catch him, he still had his forehead knocked on the bathroom floor… a funny way that he fell down, like inverted “V”…

When my father was discharged, he could only take liquid form food, ie. the porridge from the hospital (as they mash up and grind the cooked rice) and horlicks… we tried to give him normal porridge, or wanton, he couldn’t have them… especially while the NG tube was still in his nose, into his stomach…
I was worried… how was he going to gain back his physical strength with limited food as such??
For nearly a week, my father was mainly on hospital porridge (which he didn’t even finish any of them) and mainly horlicks... he hated the Enercal milk that the hospital provided, but I fell in love with Enercal J

1 day after he got home… he fell down in the washroom at home, as again, we didn’t know how weak/strong his legs are, just a split second, he knock his head on the floor with his inverted “V” shape posture…
The next morning, a loud knock on the floor woke us up… as he got up from bed trying to walk, which obviously he hasn’t recovered well physically yet, his lips were injured quite a bit…
This time, it came to realization to him that, he needed to be more patient about himself… though, half of the time, he still forgets…

It’s coming to 3 weeks now…
This is my father ^_^

ps: that day… I thought we’re all going to be orphans~~

How much is your personality worth?

Sometimes… Don’t you wonder… how much is a person’s personality worth??
Maybe you will tell me that I shouldn’t weigh a person…
Which I can tell you for sure, I don’t… but… it’s when you’re disappointed, and you’re betrayed
Instead of being so disappointed and sad and depressed and end up having yourself in no-good condition in terms of health, mental stability…
It’s pretty worth while to kinda ‘weigh’ the person…

Some personalities are as light as a 10-dolloar note…
Some personalities are only as equivalent as a meal, or an ice-blended coffee…
Some personalities are as heavy as your house… and some are unweighable…

I can say, my friends’ personalities are unweighable…
Most of them, probably are comrades… comrades in life… going through ups and downs together… supporting each other…
Sometimes, maybe even need to share the float once in a while…

However… let me tell a story of somebody’s personality, which is worth… a 4-letter word only… ie. CRAP

Most of my friends, or close colleagues know that I’ve been out of action in work, for nearly 2 months… as… a storm hit my family, took my beloved mother away for my brothers and I
A beloved grandmother from my nephews…
A dear and beloved wife from my father… (who’s recovered after 2 months, lying in hospital, and finally discharged… I would like to send my grateful thoughts to all my dear friends who’s prayed for us…)

BUT up to yesterday, I found out that, there’s somebody in my working environment is truly enjoying all these bad events that have hit on me…
She’s enjoying my absence in office
And she’s even telling others why I should just quit the job and release the position, so that, somebody can fill up the post
And up until yesterday, when she heard that, I AM (sorry, to her disappointment) going back to work, she starts to feel gloomy…

Why do I know what’s happening when I’m not around??
It all started when some new joiner who’s just joined on the 2nd June, ie. Around 1.5 week ago, assigned to be mentored by her…
After 1 week of continuous humiliation and trashing on work of hers by GREAT MENTOR, this new girl decided she wants to leave the company
And my other colleague called me to tell me of the situation… briefed me of the happenings…
Asked me when I will be back to work, which I can’t promise… as what I am concerned now, is that, our father will recover well…
( post about this interesting colleague à http://choongc.multiply.com/journal/item/256/Well_see..._Part_II )

^_^
Since the day I joined the company, and the way she boasted about herself, I know she only worth the count of sentences that came out from her mouth
Slowly, when she openly told lies in front of everybody (for eg. She’ll tell one thing when it’s only you and her alone, and she’ll tell the opposite in front of others) she worth the lies that she told
Then… I choose to ignore her presence and her words, as I do not want to get myself into the whirlpool that she’s created for people around her
So, I didn’t know how much her personality worth during that time, even though, I know she threw all sorts of CRAP to my close colleague and pretending that she’s so busy, while not remembering, one thing good about a system is that, you do work, or you don’t do, once you login to the system, you can see how much work is a person assigned to… and I can tell you that, she’s assigned the least… SO, I KNOW, SHE’S ONLY AS BUSY AS SHE SAID SHE IS ^_^

And until yesterday…
I know she worth even less…
Left with 4 letters only, ie. C-R-A-P
(When I had to rush back to my hometown to face the storm in my family, she took the ‘honour’ and the ‘authority’, to help me announce the news to everybody in and outside the company, making it a topic for her to start a conversation with others… as… everybody, including herself, knows that, she’s CONTENT-LESS… that equals to 1st round of her evil-doing)

And yesterday… concluded her 2nd round of evil-doing…
The interesting thing is… sometimes, you’ll be surprised that, it doesn’t take much to find out how much a person’s personality is worth…
In working terms,
Sometimes, it costs you a project… but I still think it’s worth it… before it’s too late, as long as it never cost you your loved one, your precious ones
Sometimes, it costs you only 2 events… the difference between ‘before’ and ‘after’, not too much right?
In personal terms,
Sometimes, it may costs you maybe a few years… but eventually, you’ll think that, it’s still worth it, unless there’re people who prefers to have the whole lifetime given… but it’s only a matter of choice and the second of decision made…
Sometimes, it may costs you a heartache… or many sleepless nights…
But…

Like what I’ve heard, off one of the dorama that I’ve watched (江角真紀子的“街道律師” --- Esumi Makiko @ “Machi-Ben”)
… “The truth is always beautiful, even though sometimes, it’s cruel…”

Brain Dead @_@

2008-05-17: 06: 23:16

I know I’ve been brain dead for the past 2 months, ever since this Easter... : ( sabishii-neh!
I couldn’t think, I didn’t want to think anymore
The more my brain works, the more it’ll bring me back to the Easter afternoon, when we all have to face the horrible nightmare, our dear mother has left us…
For nearly a month, I didn’t want to talk…
I didn’t want to talk, as everybody will be asking me about the accident, which is like a non-stop continuous rewinding of the nightmare of that day for me… repeatingly eating the other brain cells which are still left in me…
Especially when you have no choice but to respond to some people where you know they only ask but not concern, or, they’re enquiring as if they’re reading another gossip column…
Or to those you know very well that they don’t know how painful you are
Or to those who concerned too much about you however, they wouldn’t know what to do and in the end, you’ll have to console them back, to ensure them that you’re fine… (WHICH YOU’RE BLOODY NOT!!!)
I wasn’t in the mood to entertain anybody anymore, or to be entertained anymore…

Which in actual fact, you’d probably wish you’ll just die… or you wish so much that you’ll just dissolve in the air, so that, you don’t feel the loss or the grief…
But reality sucks…
Mourning didn’t help…
Grieving was not enough…
How I wish, it’s just a nightmare where my brothers and I could just wake up the next day, and still hear my mother’s cute voice…
But… reality sucks…
Therefore… I chose to be mute…
Life’s the same for me… for the first month… got back to work, talked to my colleagues and friends, went for trip
Pretending that, I’m just away from home where my mother’s still at home… nothing’s happened…
Since I’ve left home for that many years…

Yes, now I’m still having my brain-dead, as…
Subconsciously, I know very well… I still cannot compute the message my brother gave me that very significant day…
“姊姊, 做最壞的心理準備… 媽媽沒有了, 出了車禍…”

The rest…

I couldn’t compute anymore…

The lucky girl, who’s had the best mother in the world for less than 35 years… is already brain-dead I guess…

What’s remained now, is 大姐, 爸爸的女兒, and the rest of the other roles that I’ll have to carry in my life…

你揮一揮衣袖, 帶走了我半生的雲彩~~
ps: When I saw her friends, our relatives who’re so close to my mother… I felt the loss even more… seeing each other, reminded both of us, she once lived in our life so much, and how good she was, and how much she has helped them… as a friend, or rather… as a human…
(My mother likes to help people, she used to carry around 3 bucks in her purse… her theory was… 3 bucks, can’t buy anything… but if anybody needs donation, she’ll still be able to donate some money… ya… that’s her…)
For those who’re close to my heart… have seen the worst and weakest of me…
And thanks for all the moral support and prayers that you’ve said for us...

We"ll see... (Part II)

haha... why was I suddenly talking about "we'll see..."?
well... it started like this...

I have a very INTERESTING colleague
below is her traits
1. she thinks she's humble, but the first day I joined, she's telling me "everybody outside the company know who I am, and I can get whatever job I want, it's just that I

have the passion with this company, so, I choose to stay"
2. she thinks that she's been in the company for more than 5 years, and therefore, no matter what, she doesn't think that we're her peers... and therefore, even my boss

asked me to teach her something, she'll always sounds like she knows everything... so to me, it's fine... since you claim that you know everything... so, I don't have to

spend time to teach...
3. she definitely has 2 faces... one is to peers that she does not appreciate, ie. you're transparent, you're deaf, you're mute and you're dumb... imagine if somebody thinks

of you in that manner, that's the FACE, one is to boss.. oh, you can imagine how glory and sweet it is... (ooh... too disgusting to talk about...)
4. she LOVES to talk when you talk, or, when anybody talks, she didn't realize that it's called YOU ARE RUDE
5. she LOVES eavesdropping... and again, shamelessly she admits it, and she calls it 'ear-dropping' ^_^ (so my colleague is really very interesting huh!!).. she

eavesdrops the conversation you have on phone, she eavesdrop the conversation that managers have on phone, so that SHE'LL KNOW ALL THE MANAGEMENT

LEVEL TYPE OF NEWS
6. whenever you humbly wanna tell her some NEWS, she'll say she already know, HOWEVER you can catch her again in the next conversation, she'll start yelling that

"how come I don't know!!"
7. whenever you're on the phone, she OVERHEARD, ooh... interestingly she'll shamelessly interrupt and join you in the conversation, ON YOUR PHONE CALL!!!
8. AND, I'm sure you've seen this type of personality a lot a lot... everywhere... it's like... whenever there's problem, she'll talk talk talk talk talk... give all the comments

and input in front of her peers... but when you put her in front of the management, cos, she is SOOOOOO SCARED of this thing called R-E-S-P-O-N-S-I-B-I-L-I-T-Y, so,

she'll just shut up and do not wanna comment what she's just happily blatted out in front of her so-called peers, INTERESTING HUH!!
9. typically, she likes to talk without thinking... "most of the time, she doens't know what she's talking about" -- oh, quote by a very senior peer
10. and typically, in front of bosses... her frequest response is "yes, yes, yes", to the infinity, BUT THEN.. if you happened to chip in and 'disagree' with the correct facts,

which bosses later agree..., she'll also mindlessly "yes, yes, yes"...
11. there're a lot of things, she doesn't like to do and doesn't want to do... she'll give hell a lot of excuse to not to do it, but never voice it out to the boss... I call it a

bully..., ya, bullying her peers... cos, not voicing out to boss, she looks good, a damn obedient employee.. good employee, no complaint, ALWAYS "BUSY"!!... and "I

think, she's a bit incompetent" -- oh, quote by the very senior's peer's very senior boss...
12. she always work in a very lazy and slow way that she thinks is SMART (which of course, I couldn't really care less if you ask me, cos, it's not my business, she's

slow, she knows, she's scared, she knows, she's incompetent, I think she also knows... that's why the louder and faster and more, she talks) and of course, relatively,

she thinks that, her peers work in a very unacceptable manner.. but serious... who cares, as long as I can deliver and get job done ^_^
13. to her, nobody, no system, no measurement is good, except herself is extremely smart...
14. she can talks bad about everybody, but she also can smile and suck up like mad, to that everybody... salute right??
15. she always like to act as if she knows everything (ya, by eavesdropping, by peeping, by not respecting each and other privacy) AND THEN... interestingly, she'll come

and tell you that, "actually I know bla bla bla, but I don't want to tell"... ooh... so???
16. she always pretend that she's MANY friends, or that she VERY POPULAR, but in her heart... nobody is friend... at any time, you can be a jerk, a sly, a slut, to her...

when she thinks that, by commenting in such manner will make her more a 'righteous' person... ya, right!!
17. she likes to do and say a lot of not-so-good things behind your back, or whoever back... as if it's no harm... Oh!! just like when she's sooooo rudely disrespecting

other's privacy by peeping and eavesdropping, IT'S NO~ HARM~~.... but again, it's not between me and her... I'm just here simply observing such an interesting peer that I

have... and she has already said things for herself...

one day, she said... in a her usual i-know-everything-cum-i-am-so-smart tone
"we cannot do this we cannot do that, everything has retribution!!!"
and I wrapped it up with a nice and sweet response
"ya, ES~PECIALLLY those things that you do behind other's back!!"

FULL~~~~~ STOP~~~

We'll see...

Yesterday (oh, in fact, it's day before yesterday) we went to watch "Charlie Wilson's War"...
I love Tom Hanks... but not when he's trying to be Dr. Langdon...
I like him when he's a bit... blur, cute, or, sometimes, like what President Zia said about Charlie Wilson.. something like err.. "a bit of screwed personality"...
or, when he's trying to catch Frank Abagnale Jr.
a bit of stupidity, and a lot of stubbornness... ie. never give up... (chinese said it as 執著)

anyway...
throughout half-way of the movie, the sleeping bug was really killing me... I think I lost track for quite a while
later I recall.. wow, it's at the part where the belly dancer was doing her sexy dancing to whoever israelite it is... ya, that proved that, I was really dozzing off, cos, I really

could not recall what the conversation was about...

The show was pretty entertaining... but it's not something THAT superb that one will expect... my opinion.. (well, at least, I do still prefer "catch me if you can" ^_^)

However... there's one thing that I picked up from the movie ^_^ which is when Gust (played by Philip Seymour Hoffman) was trying to tell him about the story of the monk

and the 14-year-old boy... it's a cute one... ^_^ .. ghee..
Well... maybe you guys have watched it... however, let me recap what it says...

There was a boy, 14 years old... on his birthday, his parents bought him a little pony (well... I don't really trust my memory, so, maybe this is not exactly the terms and names in the movie) and the neighbours were saying, "wow, so good!!" but the monk was saying, "we'll see..."
so, one day, the 14-year-old boy went for a ride, fell down, and broke his leg... and the neighbours were saying "ooh, so bad!!"... again, the monk said, "we'll see..." ^o^

cute huh!!
then, a few years later, war broke out... so, all the young men were sent to the armies to fight for the country... however, since the boy had a broken leg, he was not called

to join the army... so, the neighbours said again, "wow, so good!!"... but then...

ya, we'll see...

cute huh!! I like short story like this... maybe that's what make this kinda ordinary show, even though with the existence of Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts... a little bit

more different... and of course, don't forget the very shrewed and funny Philip Seymour Hoffman... even his name Gust, is kinda funny... ^_^

so... life is...??
we'll see...

Briony is still Briony

Ooh, I went to watch Atonement the movie some time earlier January this year (2008-01-11, I was on leave), when it’s released in Malaysia. It’s not one of his types of movie, so, I ended up going to the cinema by myself (^_^) anyway…

Well… I guess I won’t say much about the movie this time, as, the ‘thrill’ is already over… ya ya, should have written about my feelings and thoughts right after I watched this show…

And… of course, the usual me, cried like mad for no reason in the cinema… luckily there’s only me, and nobody else, luckily it’s a working day and there weren’t many people… luckily…

However… Cecelia in Atonement, didn’t seem to be that lucky… as she happened to have a sister, a sister such as Briony…

Briony, at age 18 already said everything… everything about herself, in one sentence, “… I was like 11, or 12, when I thought I know everything, but in actual fact, I don’t…”

It’s just because of Briony thinking that she knew everything that put Robbie to jail, then, to war, then, oops… (I’m sorry if anybody has not watched it yet) then… Robbie died of illness, while at war… sad huh!! And Cecelia, being separated from Robbie, JUST because of her sister Briony’s SLIGHT jealousy… never got to meet her loved one anymore, and died in an underground bombing…

The most shocking moment, was when Briony attended the wedding of Lola and Marshall (the slut and the lecherous) and that she realized that all these while, she’s wrong… WRONG!! WRONG!! WRONG!!

Imagine… imagine if I were her, causing the suffering, and agony of my own sister, or a guy who I have once had crush on… I really really… I won’t know what to do but it must be torturing… and painful… as you’ll always live in your own sin, breathe your own mistake, thinking about it when you’re awake and dreaming about it when you’re asleep… scary… it’s just like some haunting memory that’s been tearing and squashing your heart… I supposed…

HOWEVER… at the end of the show, when the old Briony (by Vanessa Redgrave) she told her readers/audiences that the ‘good and happy ending’ scenes were just a made-up by her... she confessed that, until the very end, she never had the guts to go see Cecelia and apologize, ie. The real atonement that she’s been seeking…

She… NEVER…

So, writing it out, does serve the purpose? I don’t think so… that’s why, coming out of the cinema… I was thinking… “ya, it’s a damn sad story, but she’s not that sad afterall…”

Not that I’ve any idea how she should seek forgiveness from everybody or anybody…

Not that I know if there’s anybody (even Cecelia, or Robbie) will have the right to punish, or blame her, since she’s just a very young kid…

However… I suppose, there’re mistakes, that can be forgiven… but there are also mistakes which we’ll have to carry to the grave… it’s beyond the matter of forgiven or unforgiven, forgetting or unforgotting, mistake… IS a mistake…