NUMB

sometimes... at the blink of my eyes, I suddenly remember, that she's not around anymore, it hurts
sometimes... when I doze off, and I got up again, I realise, she's not around anymore, it hurts, really...
sometimes... when I go out and see those nice beautiful accessories for hair, little decorative stuff, I know how thrifty she was and that she'd always look at them but never bought them for herself, and that, I'll get some for her AND she'll keep them nicely in the cupboard... it hurts... deeply!!!
sometimes... when I come home late, I thought I've forgotten to sms her, or call her for the day, I realise, she's not around anymore... it's like my soul was lost
sometimes... before I sleep, lying in bed, I also thought I've not called her for the day, or, I have not heard for voice for the whole day... I suddenly realise, she's not around anymore...
sometimes... when I sleep in during the weekend, and when I finally got up at noon, I thought I haven't heard from her for the whole long weekend... I suddenly realise, she's not around anymore... I feel empty...
soemtimes... when I see my little nephew, I hope I can feel her presence, as he's the one she worries most... I realise, my nephew, has already lost a grandmother who'll lovingly carry him, while she was cooking, while she was doing the laundrette... it's sorrowful...

sometimes... at the blink of my eyes, I still see my father's suffering face, while he's fighting for his life in the hospital, especially when he couldn't control his body due to brain damage, and he was having this spasm... it's tormenting...
sometimes... I still recall the night, when the ambulance was taking my father back to the hospital in my home town, we're told, his heart stop beeping for 3 times... while my father was squeezing his way through the tunnel of life, she's already waved goodbye to the world... and us, and the husband she's kept company with, loyally, undoubtedly, the whole of her life...
sometimes... I do think that, my father will live happily ever after... and he has to... cos, she's given him her lifespan... and she's accompanied him, while he was on the way back home, in the ambulance... with God's blessing!!!

sometimes... I know I should be strong, and not linger on her passing away anymore... BUT, at the blink of the eyes... no matter how busy or how "happy" I am during the day, at the blink of the eyes... I remember... she's not around anymore... and... it hurts...