a little bit different… a little bit...

Ya, these few days, she's a little bit different,

Maybe she's grown up,

Maybe she's learned a way to deal with me, (yes, indeed, I'm the one who's difficult, I'm a difficult person, I've to admit it, I'm still striving to change to a better person, and baby's definitely taught me a lot, but from time, she's to find a way to deal with me…sad to say, I guess, she's smarter than me in that sense…)

For eg. She'll keep saying "mama, I love you…", she normally does that, after I've lectured her, particularly for messing up the place,

I told her, she can mess up A place, but not after messing A place, then leave the mess there, "disappear", and go mess up another place… or come and disturb me…

Today,

She was watching TV for a while,

Then, she started calling "mama" again…

She likes to do that, and she makes sure that I'll answer with "yes, baby…", or "yes, madeleine", I can't do it with a "mm…"

So, when she was doing that,

And obviously I was busy "online"…

Then, I asked her if she wants to watch TV, or wants to come disturb me…

Again, it's ok if she wants to come disturb me, I don't want her to hog the TV and yet still come and disturb me…

So, actually answered, "baby 要媽媽抱，just for a while…", (she wants me to hug her, just for a while!) I was quite "surprised" by her "just for a while…"

And… see… I've been struggling with her, about her bedtime, or naptime…

But surprisingly, for the past 2 nights, she's the one whos' been telling me,

"baby's sleepy, baby wants to go in to the room…"

Struggling? Ie. previously, even she's THAT sleepy or tired,

She refused to go into the room, what more to say, get up to the bed,

Normally I've to threaten her to do so…

But last night and tonight… it's easy, she requested it herself…

This afternoon,

When her brother was crying, ie. I've to attend to him, but at the same time, she wanted me to carry her…

I told her directly (sorry to say, normally I'm pretty blunt!) that I need to attend to the younger brother, cos, he's crying loud and hard, and I need to see if he's ok…

So, she was quite upset for a while…

But I remind myself not to "forget" what she says from time to time… though sometimes, I may give her an answer "mm", or "later"… bla bla bla…

After I've settled her brother…

I took her and carried her, and gave her a tight hug!!!

Yes, baby… mama just want you to know that, you're forever mama's precious baby and mama love you a lot a lot!!

Though sometimes, mama's angry, but that doesn't mean mama doesn't love you…

Yes, angry at the things you do, especially you do it on purpose to upset me, but not angry at you as who you are… you're forever mama & papa's precious baby…

Sometimes, she'll ask, if her younger brother's as precious,

I told her, yes, cos, both also came out of my tummy…

This afternoon, it happened that, the japanese drama that I was watching, JIN 2,

(oops, contain SPOILER!)

Nokaze was giving birth, and she's having a difficulty in giving birth naturally, cos, baby's hand came out first… ie. need to go for cesarean, but then, in those era, there's no epidural and so on, and nokaze will be dying of her breast cancer too, so no matter what she must have her baby out…

Ie. she forced minakata to take her baby out JUST LIKE THAT,

Without any medication, CUT stomach, CUT womb you know!!

I watched also my face twisted a bit, due to the imagined pain that she's to endured!

And baby was watching it with me,

She asked me "why" and "what" from time to time, and I explained to her,

In the end, I told her, that's how Dr. Tan took her out last time, from my tummy, and now, her younger brother, both also came out this way,

Of course, I did not have to endure the same pain as nokaze… (THAT'S CRAZY!)

Mm… not sure if she understood,

But I somehow think, she kinda understood the process… ^_^