Its always easier to BLAME others

Many time, within our family, the organization that we work in, among friends, siblings... we hear one blaming the others for some difficulties that the group of people face, or one faces...

Yep, it's always easier, to find somebody to be blamed... that makes our lives much much more easier, and we will feel better, we are not the one who's failed, and that, we will feel happier, higher self-esteem, isn't it? It's become the other person's fault, it's he who failed, it's he who did wrong, it's he who's to take the full responsibility...

Ya, it's so much more easier... we don't have to feel unhappy for such mistake, for such responsibility, ONE OTHER's cost!! Then everybody starts pointing fingers to others, and blaming others... and you can imagine the chaos?? can you imagine how disharmonized a family, a company, a country is??

But, that's human nature, and apparently, the habit of blame only happens in Hominidae, AND typically, it happens in children. As this is the basic 'protection' we can give to ourselves. Thus, I can also conclude that, people who habitually like to blame others, simply has no other skills to survive on. That is their one and only weapon, and that, they are in fact, pathetic, though, I am not sure, which one fine day, they will realise this. (or they have realised, that's why, they keep doing it)

Sometimes, in fact, deep in our heart, we know, something get out of control, or, some errors have occured, or, things don't go the way we wanted it, it's simply because we've overlooked, we've lacked of a little bit on guard, or simply... the fact that, we're still weak in that role... we know it well.. but then, it's so much easier to blame others, blame your superiors, blame your parents, blame your friends, blame your spouse for you feeling unhappy...

However... what I think is... if one continues to blame others, one will never grows, and one will forever feel unhappy... as if we have to depend on others to make us feel happy, or fulfilled, or contented... we will never reach other traget... but, it's still so much easier to find somebody to be blamed... isn't it??

As... if that's the case, the responsibility is not in me, the one who should seek solution, or the one who should change is not me, it's him/her........

Do you believe in Freewill??? this is one of the questions that my roommate asked me long time ago, when she attended her philosophy class. That's my first encounter for this word, then.... there's this show "The Devil's Advocate", exploring on human's freewill...

Well... I do believe, human has freewill... and I do think that, we don't blame others, for any misdeeds when we have to really look into the mirror, at ourselves clearly... one of my other buddhist friend always like to tell me this, when you're pointing finger at the others, the rest of the 3 fingers, are actually pointing at yourselves...

Before any misdeeds can happen, we're normally confronted with a list of choice...
and when it comes to choice, that's where human's freewill comes into the pictures...
Many time... I hear from acquaitance blaming their spouse, for keeping them behind, or older in-laws blaming their younger in-laws for not keeping up to their 'standard' of living, (ie. SOP, standard of performance in the household) and vice versa, or, I hear employee for blaming their direct boss for not recognising their work, or for favouring the other counterpart... and... we can hear many politician up there, acting like a clown, blaming each other for this 'misfortune' of the country...
However... I always like to ask the person this question, (ya, if he/she does understand that, human has freewill) it's YOU who make the decision!!!
it's YOU,
who make the decision, to comply, to conform, to tolerate, to step back, to try to change yourself to suit the others, to not voice out at the first instance for unfairness, to not look closely to the case that's under you, or to not trust your partner/subordinate/co-worker, that leads you to overwork and you complain, or to not let go of your ego, and your prejudice to see things clearly but simply jump to a judgement and conclusion...
Regardless whatever reasons you use to make such decision, it's YOU who make the decision..
The decison to conform, the decision to stay back in a relationship that's rotting, the decision to NOT INSIST ON YOUR AMBITION... etc.

But... it's always easy to blame the others...

Human is just such a weird and funny animal, we like to be recognised, take up THAT position(managerial role, team lead, ministers, etc.) but yet, we do not want to take up the responsibility. When crisis hit, we start blaming each other...
When we're not happy with the current life, we start blaming our whoever who lives with us, or, who's supposed to be with us...
When we're not satisfied with our job, we start blaming our boss, our co-workers, our whoever who works in this company
Then, we start blaming the politicians, we start blaming this, and that, and we.... just sit there and blame...

It's just so much easier if we can find somebody to blame... isn't it??

..........

I was lucky that, my first job, the first organization that I have encountered, have this 'no-blame' culture... I didn't really quite know how exactly they want to practice this 'no-blame' culture... but then, I eventually figured it out myself, but maybe only limited to my own interpretation. As a family, as a group, as a department, as an organization, we are not individual, who can survive and live individually, in isolation...
When some bumpy things happen down the road of our life, we're bound to find somebody, or something to be blamed... but then, in that organization, I didn't see any, or at least, for those that I have worked with, they really don't practice the usual 'blame' thing... when crisis rise, of course, the person who caused the problem will be questioned, but not to be questioned so that he can be blamed, but to find out the cause, to find out how such error can happen, then, all of us, as a team, work out a solution for that error...
I saw it many time, in the team that I have worked with... and that I understand what the 'no-blame' culture was...

Then... in my second job, I was pretty much left alone, working independently, so... I was pretty happy with it...
When I saw colleagues start blaming others for some small issue that arose, I still somehow got her invovled to work together... ie. there's no point finding a scapegoat...

Subsequently, in my third job, I was again, glad that, I have a good working partner and a good female boss. (ya, one of those rare cases) My working partner understood very well that, she and I are in group, so, we back each other up, or we 'scratch each other's back' most of the time... There's one, other team forgot to deliver the goods to their customers in time, all of us have to drive our car, squeeze all those goods into our cars (imagine, they're IT stuff, ie. the boxes are bound to be big, Cisco switches, router, and whatever you can name it under Cisco) to deliver to the customer at the very last minute of the dateline. Who's to be blamed? Well... no time was wasted in blaming however it is, but of course, the cause of such delay was that, somebody overlooked the delivery, and that the goods were not released in the system in time for the shipment... but then, all of us, even the other teams, were involved in solving this issue. That time... 5-6 cars drove to the client's place, around 8-9pm at night, to finsih with the supposed delivery....

[I was glad and lucky, to have worked in these organizations, with all those ex-colleagues that I have met and that I have many positive habits to learn... When my direct boss, (the lady boss) got me for that position, I asked her why she got me, as I did not have any experience in Sales, she told me one simply answer, which I find it pretty... unworldly(玄), she said, "it's simply (cantonese)yan kup yan yuen'人夾人緣"---it's the chemistry between 2 individuals when you first meet, (not literally translated though)]

Lastly, some short notes from the internet regarding BLAME(wikipedia.org)

Some systems theorists and management consultants, such as Gerald Weinberg, held that the flow of blame in an organization was itself one of the most important indicators of that organization's robustness and integrity. Blame flowing upwards in a hierarchy, he argued, proved that superiors were willing to take full responsibility for their orders to their inferiors and supplying them with the resources required to do their jobs. But blame flowing downwards, from management to staff, or laterally between professionals, were signs of organizational failure.

Notes for marrirage/divorce(ivillage.com)
In an effort to protect ourselves from feeling like a failure, from a loss of self-esteem, or from taking responsibility for a marriage ending, we sometimes blame the other guy completely. It's a way of making ourselves feel better at the expense of the other spouse. As splitting continues, the result can be that the ex is perceived as a kind of hideous monster.

"So what's the harm if it makes me feel a little better?" you might ask. One problem that often arises is that people end up staying unhappily but powerfully connected to each other through fighting. Hatred actually keeps the couple bonded to one another. When they can begin to let go of splitting and the rage that ensues, they'll be in a stronger position to move forward with their lives.

Even thought the above is for marriage and divorce, however... I have always thought that, when we learn one thing, we should be able to apply it onto the other matters... in chinese, 舉一反三, literally, I show you ONE example, you will be able to raise other THREE example.