Asian Value - a Good Husband

I watch mediacorp drama “Love Blossom” (it’s showing on AEC, Part I and Part II, now, showing part II)
and I came across the blog entry by Betty Wu 吳淡如 (she’s a famous TV host and writer in Taiwan, but just to clarify not my favourite of the favourite, my favourite is 張曼娟)
her blog titled: 夾心餅乾是無能的
(url: http://blog.1-apple.com.tw/bettywu/index.cfm?Fuseaction=PersonArticle&ArtID=100462)

全文如下：
大同跟玫瑰交往超過3年，在大同心目中，玫瑰最大的優點就是善解人意。當女朋友時，玫瑰對他的家人一向很好，還會陪大同的爸媽聊電視劇情節與噓寒問暖，讓老人家認定玫瑰是個好媳婦。
可是結婚後，所有的美好想像全部翻盤，玫瑰變得不大願意陪他回老家，也常常批評他父母或家人。例如：希望他妹妹不要這麼晚才來家裡串門子；大同的母親只要多管一些閒事，玫瑰表面上不會頂嘴，回家卻會跟大同抱怨……這些小牢騷讓大同不勝其擾。
有一天，大同下班回家一打開門，就看到玫瑰在生悶氣。原來她剛接到大同母親的電話，婆婆又頒布了些指導原則，要玫瑰照她的方法照顧大同和孫子。在大同眼裡，憤怒中的玫瑰看起來青面獠牙。大同失去了耐心，迅速的以咆哮打斷了玫瑰的控訴：「妳不要讓我當夾心餅乾好不好！」
硬起來別當傳聲筒
很多男人跟大同一樣，真的不了解原本應該賢淑寬容的妻子怎麼會變了樣，讓自己在原生 家庭和新家庭之間，裡外不是人。這些夾心餅乾常覺得自己很可憐，搞不懂妻子為什麼要把關係搞得這麼僵，事實上夾心餅乾都是無能的，無能處理人際關係、無能 化解家庭衝突、沒有意識到自己的角色應該有變化。他們的角色還停留在「兒子、少爺」，而不是「丈夫、父親」。
當男人不能有效阻擋原生家庭來的壓力、扮演有效防火牆的角色時，妻子的壓力就會越來越大，情緒反彈也會越來越激烈，男人才會變成夾心餅乾。夾心餅乾如果可以振作起來別當兩個家庭的傳聲筒，而扮演堵絕雙方壓力的絕緣體，就能夠解決問題。

anyway…
and since I’ve been following “Love Blossom II” every weekdays, neh! the part about “kai wang” (開旺) and “zhi jing” (紫荊)
it struck me as,
hm… our teaching…
I remember, as a girl, my mother taught me on “how to be a good wife” (well, not exactly, but you know what I mean, by learning to do all the housechores, cooking, behave in front of the elderly, who is who, bla bla bla…)
but I’m not sure, and I’M REALLY VERY NOT SURE
if mother/father actually teach their son on “how to be a good husband”
nah… I doubt it… believe me…
ask my brothers, ^_^;;

MEN…!!!
from the blog (well, betty wu’s sharing her friend’s experience as her writing material)
from the movies…
it does seems like, that’s how asian men are brought up, or SPECIFICALLY, Chinese men!

in “love blossom”, when Kai Wang failed to give her wife Zi Jing this “secured” feeling (mostly financially, and also, the future)
his mother told her, “he’s always been like that”
ya… what most wives get is “he’s always been like that” (if any of you get it otherwise, do share!)

and what compliments this, is Betty Wu’s writeup,
she wrote (in the second paragraph) most men, stay as what/who they are, as “son”, as “shao yeh” (cantonese, “siu yeh”)
but not “husband”, “father”, after they got married…
ya, most men are still papa/mama’s boy even after they got married, the thing is, they do not want to admit it…^_^
and that’s why all the “complication” cannot be handled properly…
cos, the man, failed to become the FIREWALL, but only become the “sandwiched” man!
you see the difference??

my opinion:
men, only learn to be a good husband by himself…
so, what’s his parents doing?
(sorry, hope I don’t offend anybody)

for eg. my ex-boss, once mentioned about her son…
she said, her son so ‘pai tee’ with her now, next time got girlfriend, don’t know how…
hai… sad to hear that right??
yep… I supposed, asian (mainly Chinese, maybe) parents,
“producing” a good wife material type of daughter is something that’s proud…
and because of the long traditional thinking (Chinese ma!! son is “bigger” than daughter, ie. 重男輕女)
I don’t think it’s even come into their mind that, “producing” a good husband material type of son, is also something right for them to do??

then, aren’t we lucky that we’re married to a man who’s graduated from his own self-learning-to-be-good-husband/father??
are you?
are we?
am i?
and, are you teaching your son to be a good husband??
(grin!)