Good Bye!! (好走！！）

I do not know if any of us, or any of you who're reading this, has come to a point, where we live for somebody...
ya, somebody we love, somebody's who's dear to us...
we live, because of the person...
we whatever... because of the person...
else... why do we live...

(in Catholic terms.. we live, to praise God, to worship God... well... can I put that aside??)

yep.... we used to live just for ourselves... when we haven't found our destiny... haven't found somebody who's worth spending time with, spending life with... or... the somebody's there... exist? and we don't realize??

on the 9th of December 2008, my brother told me, our grandfather (my mother's father) have finally found out that, my mother has long left all of us... on the 23rd March this year... in the car accident...
he started calling people to confirm this bad news... (after we've kept from him for so long.. finally...)
and that after that... according to my brother, which according to my uncle who takes care of him... he refused to eat, refused to take medicine, and finally... on the eve of 16th Decembe 2008... he did not survive his 5th round of stroke... and passed away... at the age of 80++

my grandfather may have chosen not to live, since my mother is already not around... as, usually... my mother is the one who took care of him, while he's in the hospital... who called him up while he's bored.. and who advised him on how to deal with the others (since he's such a difficult character in a way)... now, the person, who he found, worth living for... is not around anymore...
maybe... maybe he chose to leave too... on that night...

I personally do not agree that, we should live for somebody... as we live for ourselves...
however... I also, do personally gather that.. up to a certain point in one's life... we do need somebody for us, to live for...
maybe because we're aging... maybe because of the bond we've slowly developed with others... and maybe.. for all sorts of other reasons that I can't think of...

十二月十六日，下午，我的外公與世長辭了。。。
大約兩個星期前。。。他老人家得知媽媽去世的事。。。套一句老話，茶飯不思，十五日，第五度中風入院。。。
小弟打電話來這麼說，“姐，公公，就是這樣了”。。。
說來蠻輕鬆的。。。我楞了一楞。。。問小弟，怎麼你說得這麼輕鬆，小弟說，“不然咧？”
可能是因為經歷了我們的媽媽那一趟。。。沒有什麽能夠讓我們能夠再次的斷腸般傷心。。。
不是說無情。。。外公也八十多歲了。。。有媽媽在的日子，他過得還有意思一點。。。現在，意思沒有了。。。可能，他老人家。。。， 再套一句老話，“不想活了”
其實。。。在媽媽過世之前。。。我最擔心，也最害怕聽到的是，外公去了。。。等呀等，等不到的惡訊，終於來了的瞬間，已經沒有了什麽感覺。。。

因為自己有了身孕的關係。。。（上兩個星期乘搭飛機的時候，差一點都不能上飛機了。。。後來，被我矇騙過去）這次去不到古晉為外公送行。。。

在這裡。。。我只想對他說，“外公，好走！”
有時候。。。我也在想。。。我們活著。。。是不是，都爲了誰。。。